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I'm clashing with my grown up daughter,

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Comments

  • what about? im confused now.....


    Some of us have met on other threads - loops probably thinks I'm calling her a slob! I'm not I love her really.
  • With the age thing I meant that that age group are not in a position to be independantand set their own house rules. You may have always beeen tidy - some people never are.

    im a member of 'that age group' and i set my own house rules (well flat rules!) no one tells me what to do in my own flat, but my guests have to follow my rules, like taking off their shoes etc.
    :T The best things in life are FREE! :T
  • Some of us have met on other threads - loops probably thinks I'm calling her a slob! I'm not I love her really.

    ahh..i see....hehe! :)
    :T The best things in life are FREE! :T
  • Thanks for all the replys, some of them made us laugh especially the one about get naked.

    We are going to have a little chat this w/end. Fingers crossed
    if i had known then what i know now
  • lynzpower
    lynzpower Posts: 25,311 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    good luck oysterman let us know how you go on

    Another thing, for every bit of cleaning you do for her, cahrge her minimum wage, money talks & all ;)
    :beer: Well aint funny how its the little things in life that mean the most? Not where you live, the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes.
    Theres no dollar sign on piece of mind
    This Ive come to know...
    So if you agree have a drink with me, raise your glasses for a toast :beer:
  • Thank God I am not the only one in this position!

    I live with my partner and his 22 year old son. I split all the bills with my partner, and his son pays us £30 per week to cover all bills (!).

    I have just washed his clothes which were dumped in a pile by the washing maching as he could not be bothered to empty it (yes, the machine had finished), hung them all out to dry and will probably be folding them up later too. Also have collected a plate and a glass with the remainder of milk left in it, which he left last night.

    I was reading this thread while trying to decide if I am being tight by wanting to charge him more for his 'keep'. The mortgage, council tax and utility bills come to more than £700 per month, and don't get me started on the shopping bills!

    To his credit, he will wash the dishes after I have cooked dinner - if I manage to sit for long enough without getting up and doing it myself to keep the peace!

    Oh the joys of relationships!
  • I've just read this thread from beginning to end, and I agree with those who have said that the grown up daughter in question needs to be forced to clean up after herself and take responsibility. My parents indulged my sister by allowing her to get away with this type of behaviour when she lived at home, and she is now in her 40s, a mother herself, and is totally incapable of taking responsibility and looking after herself. She is actually baffled by how other peoples houses are so tidy, she truly believes that it magically happens by itself and can't understand why hers is such a mess. Her slobbish behaviour was also a contributing factor in the breakdown of her marriage.

    I know this sounds overly dramatic, but slobbishness conveys a lack of respect to those that you share your space with, be it parents, partner or flatmates. No matter how chilled out your parenting, or how lovely a person your offspring/partner/flatmate might be, I think if someone inflicts their messiness on you then they don't respect you enough. (I mean serious mess here though, not the occasional unwashed dish or whatever, more the sort of thing which is detrimental to someone elses quality of life).
  • victory
    victory Posts: 16,188 Forumite
    suffolkb wrote:
    Don`t just leave everything.Put the lot in her bed.Dirty plates,wet laundry - everything.
    I so agree, or do what my mother did once when I was being young, stubborn and refusing to help/pick up, I came home and the entire contents of my bedroom (apart from the bed itself) were moved!!
    There was nothing left-just the bed, that really made me clear up!
    Even more punishment I had to earn the bits back bit by bit xxx
    misspiggy wrote: »
    I'm sure you're an angel in disguise Victory :)
  • "She was going out sat night, had some friends round for a few drinks & pizza before going out(she stayed round her mates that night). I got home later on to find glasses left where they put them & mess in the kitchen where she cooked & dirty dishes. Take the lot up to her bedroom and leave them on her bed (or tell her she is banned from kitchen)"

    My Dad did this to my brother when he was in his late teens. Although he washed up all the plates/cups/cutlery he continually left lying around the house, put it in his bed, remade it (my brother prefered sheets/blankets to duvets). The following day they were back in the cupboard without a word from him. All my dad had to say was next time they won't be washed up. It made the point and it didn't happen again!

    I'd forgotten that, thanks for the laugh!
  • loopy_lass
    loopy_lass Posts: 1,551 Forumite
    any update oysterman? i thought about this thread over the weekend, when my daughter was exerting her little personality .... bless... i made dinner, she walks in and back out again with no time to eat.. so she got cold dinner when she got in. she did attempt to use MY microwave, but coudnt afford my fee... ;-) i got "WOT YOU WANT £1 SO I CAN USE OUR MICROWAVE - NO CHANCE" so cold dinner it was then!


    and over the weekend when i asked her where she thought she was going she INFORMED me she was going OUT and with a HURUMPH off she went. Sooooo when she got home... I WAS OUT! she duly phoned me and asked where i was and i said OUT... lol.. were at the stage of her being upstairs in her room all night so im sitting that one out. Least i know shes safe .

    Wonder how long this phase of growing up will last, battening down the hatches and digging in for a bit of a rough ride for a while...

    ahhh the joys of parenthood.....

    loops
    THE CHAINS OF HABIT ARE TOO WEAK TO BE FELT UNTIL THEY ARE TOO STRONG TO BE BROKEN... :A
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