We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
I'm clashing with my grown up daughter,
Comments
-
Hi,
I have a 16 year old son, and grant you he is a good lad, but some of the things he does gets me down at times! for example....he just leaves his clothes in a ball and does not even bother to straighten them. he does not make his bed in a morning either, cos he knows 'muggins' will do it! He does himself dinner or tea and leaves the mess for me to do when i get home from work. so i am now putting my foot down and telling him he has to do chores or he can forget any weekly money from me! so i sort of know what you are going through and you just have to wise up to it and put your foot down also!0 -
My 18 year old son is the same.
Comes in late, leaves facial hair in his sink, lets his room get messy, leaves lights on (with the cost of electricity:eek:)
He just scraped through to his 3rd year at uni, so he needs to get his act together.
We are going to sell our house in the new year and will put it to him whether he is staying at home or not by the way he acts over the next three months when he is back at uni. It will determine what sort of house we get.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T:rotfl: :rotfl:
:eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
loopy_lass wrote:funny how we all parent differently, like i say it wasnt advice per se, just how i do things, seems to work in my house... and not in yours which is fair enough, seemed to work for the majority of families i worked with aswell.
And i cant get my head into fighting or having bad feelings towards someone i gave birth to and love unconditionally, not saying people who disagree with me dont love their children at all.. its just my way i guess.. i couldnt put plates etc on their bed or throw things away as punishment to a person i didnt like let alone a child, cant treat another human being like that sorry.
I just think of say holly & jessicas parents who i assume would give anything to have hair in their bath & hair colour on their carpets. Just how i see the world i guess.
my daughter is 90% top banana, but does the same things you speak of it just washes over me, and i look at her and think god i love you and wow i miss you if you werent here...
AWwwwwwwwwww sentimenal but hey thats me, and the above was just my opinion.
loops
Loops you made me teary and it's only 9 in the morning. I should print this out and look at it in years to come when I get annoyed at my boy (and hopefully any siblings he has).
You should be the new supernanny and keep everyone chilled!0 -
shes 20, a grown-up, you dont have to live with her anymore. when i used to live with my rents, we faught like cat and dog, (not coz i was messy, quite teh opposite in fact!!) now i go and visit them and its brilliant:T The best things in life are FREE! :T0
-
loopy_lass- all that stuff about holly and jessica is really besides teh point, what happened to them was rweally sad but its not an excuse for all grown-up children to treat their parents houses like a hotel and for parents to lie down and have 'door mat' tottoed on their foreheads. your kids are gonna be princes and princesses, youre not equippong them to look after themselves in teh future and no man/woman will ever match up to your waiting on so it looks like youll never get rid. im 23 and i have tonnes of people on my corse whose parents are liek you and it makes them into horrid spoiled brats always on their mobiles "mummy, cvan i have fifty quid, oh but please, i havent seen you in agggeeesss, oh thanks mummy, love you" then tehy hang up and cackle- "haha! my mums suck a sucker!" etc. etc. and my oh's brother who is 18 (a man) cried on chriastmas day until his mum made him a cheese sandwich 30 mins before christmas dinner was due to be served and she did it and all, ridiculous.:T The best things in life are FREE! :T0
-
freebie_junkie wrote:loopy_lass- all that stuff about holly and jessica is really besides teh point, what happened to them was rweally sad but its not an excuse for all grown-up children to treat their parents houses like a hotel and for parents to lie down and have 'door mat' tottoed on their foreheads. your kids are gonna be princes and princesses, youre not equippong them to look after themselves in teh future and no man/woman will ever match up to your waiting on so it looks like youll never get rid. im 23 and i have tonnes of people on my corse whose parents are liek you and it makes them into horrid spoiled brats always on their mobiles "mummy, cvan i have fifty quid, oh but please, i havent seen you in agggeeesss, oh thanks mummy, love you" then tehy hang up and cackle- "haha! my mums suck a sucker!" etc. etc. and my oh's brother who is 18 (a man) cried on chriastmas day until his mum made him a cheese sandwich 30 mins before christmas dinner was due to be served and she did it and all, ridiculous.
no the point i was making about jessica & holly was relevant, you missed it, let me try and explain again.... If someone said to someone who had lost a child like those two you can have them back BUT they will mess up your house, have different priorities to you and wind you up to the max at every opportunity. What would us as parents say??? i think we would choose the mess & have them back every time.
So all i was saying is... be thankful that you have children/teenagers who are alive, happy & functioning to do these things because some people have had it taken away from them.
hope that explains it better... again just my opinion
loopsTHE CHAINS OF HABIT ARE TOO WEAK TO BE FELT UNTIL THEY ARE TOO STRONG TO BE BROKEN... :A0 -
im still saying that the fact that two little girls were tragically killed is no excuse for adults who are allowed to live in their parents houses (and i dont know of anyone who pays keep that truly reflects how much their living there costs, i paid my bills yeaterday and it came to £130, i dont know of anyone who pays that much!) to treat them like hotels, to leave them dirty, ruin their parents posessions and to generally take advantage of their family. when these kidults move out (eventually) they will ahev to keep their homes tidy coz there will be noone lese to do it for them so they really should take teh opportunity to learn how to do it right now. in my first year i lived in halls and 18 and 19-year-old men used to pay me £2 to iron their shirts or for a portion of my home-cooked food (as catering wasnt avaliable during teh weekends!) thats ridiculous! it is a parents job, surely, to equip their children to became adults, and being an adult includes taking responsibility for yourself and tidying up after yourself and paying your way. leaving hairs in the batha nd spilling hair dye on teh carpet is stuff i did at 14 or 15 not a 20!:T The best things in life are FREE! :T0
-
yes freebie, i see what your saying, and all im saying is yours is not the only way to parent, i do it differently. Dont get me wrong my daughter has very definate boundaries and boy does she get told if (which she very rarely does) cross them or even dares to bounce on them.. Im no pushover, but, i knew what i was taking on when i became a parent, my daughter is not me, she doesnt not have the same values as me (generational thing i think) and i respect that.
She has a full time job lined up when she is 16 and yes i will be taking money off her for her to live, but i "intend" on putting 90% of that into a bank account for her when she either gets married, produces children or wants to buy her own placce.
I was brought up in care, I have M.E. and struggle to do the most basic things, I am also a single parent through no fault of my own, buy hey..... i have my fab daughter and i enjoy the rough times (kind off lol) as well as the good times... I also feel that when i do ignore some mistake she has made, i either shift it myself, remind her she forgot to pick up her dirty clothes from the bathroom last night & would she please go and shift them now as ive been hopping over them all day. She goes and does it and says mom, why dont you shout at me & go on at me like all the other moms, n i say cos i gave birth to you child, i love you and this is being a parent.
She is presented with choices, i.e. on school nights, her friends have to be out of the house by 10pm or they dont get back in for a week. If i get a whiff of her school work not getting done because shes messing about with her friends at home or school, her friends dont get to come round etc.
So.... i do find, i have a house full of teenagers most of the time, because apparently im "ace, and chilled out" and her friends tell her "we can come & talk to your mom about things we would never talk to our parents about" and to me.... thats job done.....
sorry, sound a bit like a care bear, but thats me...
loopsTHE CHAINS OF HABIT ARE TOO WEAK TO BE FELT UNTIL THEY ARE TOO STRONG TO BE BROKEN... :A0 -
Some of us are house proud and some of us are slobs. I know that both will drive each other mad if they live under the same roof but until she gets her own roof she should abide by the house rules which should be explained and written down if necessary. Lots of people who are house proud just sigh loudly and pick things up, wash them etc instead of saying “I don’t feel comfortable in an untidy house with dirty plates and laundry everywhere, while you are here could you keep the place tidy please”. For a youngster who is happy go lucky they are not deliberately upsetting you – they are not distressed by a few unwashed glasses and cannot imagine who would be!
It is the age I’m afraid. At late teens/early 20s they are not children who will happily live within the house rules, neither are they grown up enough to be self supporting. Ok Mother Nature might think they are old enough to bear children so should have flown the nest by now but western society keeps our offspring dependant longer. My husband and youngest son used to clash but thankfully at 18 son went off to university, grew up and came back a different person.0 -
pbradley936 wrote:Some of us are house proud and some of us are slobs. I know that both will drive each other mad if they live under the same roof but until she gets her own roof she should abide by the house rules which should be explained and written down if necessary. Lots of people who are house proud just sigh loudly and pick things up, wash them etc instead of saying “I don’t feel comfortable in an untidy house with dirty plates and laundry everywhere, while you are here could you keep the place tidy please”. For a youngster who is happy go lucky they are not deliberately upsetting you – they are not distressed by a few unwashed glasses and cannot imagine who would be!
It is the age I’m afraid. At late teens/early 20s they are not children who will happily live within the house rules, neither are they grown up enough to be self supporting. Ok Mother Nature might think they are old enough to bear children so should have flown the nest by now but western society keeps our offspring dependant longer. My husband and youngest son used to clash but thankfully at 18 son went off to university, grew up and came back a different person.
just a min, im 23, have lived on my own for nearly 3 years and am very houseproud! huh!:T The best things in life are FREE! :T0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 348.3K Banking & Borrowing
- 252.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 452.4K Spending & Discounts
- 240.8K Work, Benefits & Business
- 617.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 175.6K Life & Family
- 254K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards