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I'm clashing with my grown up daughter,
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funny how we all parent differently, like i say it wasnt advice per se, just how i do things, seems to work in my house... and not in yours which is fair enough, seemed to work for the majority of families i worked with aswell.
And i cant get my head into fighting or having bad feelings towards someone i gave birth to and love unconditionally, not saying people who disagree with me dont love their children at all.. its just my way i guess.. i couldnt put plates etc on their bed or throw things away as punishment to a person i didnt like let alone a child, cant treat another human being like that sorry.
I just think of say holly & jessicas parents who i assume would give anything to have hair in their bath & hair colour on their carpets. Just how i see the world i guess.
my daughter is 90% top banana, but does the same things you speak of it just washes over me, and i look at her and think god i love you and wow i miss you if you werent here...
AWwwwwwwwwww sentimenal but hey thats me, and the above was just my opinion.
loopsTHE CHAINS OF HABIT ARE TOO WEAK TO BE FELT UNTIL THEY ARE TOO STRONG TO BE BROKEN... :A0 -
That's fair enough, loopy - we're all different. I'm not renowned for my good temper when I've had a hard week at work, done all the housework/cooking/laundry, am short on sleep AND am expected to entertain stepdaughter while DH plays on the computer all weekend! I'm not the 'understanding stepmother/wife then; I'm the dragon with basilisk eyes!The ability of skinny old ladies to carry huge loads is phenomenal. An ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.0
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I agree with the leaving stuff, especially in the washing machine. It's even better if you don't have a tumble dryer as when she next needs something it'll be wet, and smelly from being in the basket.
Dump the stuff from the night out in her room, it's her mess.
It's hard to ignore mess (well I don't find it difficult personally (LOL) but I know a lot of houseproud people do...) Just stack it in the corner and ignore.
I had similar grumbles with my SD especially leaving stuff in the machine. Now I just dump it in a basket. She is moving out this weekend into a shared house so boy I bet she gets a shock! Her other classic was to pile all the dirty stuff in the sink so it looks out of the way but it drives me mad as I have to take it all out to fill the sink up. Just different people doing things different ways.
Don't get into a row, don't even mention the stuff you've plonked in her room or left in the machine. Wait and see what she does... if she complains I'd say "well, is it yours?" but calmly. I bet she won't complain, she'll just get on with tidying it up.
It's being TOLD what to do that seems to irritate teenages, so I just let her get on with it and talk to her about other things such as how her day at work was.
The carpet stain.. hummm, I think I'd ask her to pay for that. But I'd pick my moment carefully!0 -
It's so emotive isn't it, if Jessica and Hollys parents had their daughters alive who's to say they wouldn't be complaining that they did'nt rinse bath etc. If I was in their situation I would be the same.
Life is a ladder and its where about on it that you deal with
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i must admit, my daughters bedroom carpet was minging (hip hop n happening teenage word LOL LOL ) it had mascara, foundation, nail varnish etc on it....
sOoooooooooooooooo i pulled it up and she now sports some splintery old floorboards lol.... nope, not putting carpet in there again... tough kak i said when she whinged spiders come up through the gaps mom..... lol....
good luck yall with your teenagers.... mines about due through the door... so bracing myself for the days er....... events!
stay strong, stay happy & enjoy your kids, most of all, kick back n chill... xx
loopsTHE CHAINS OF HABIT ARE TOO WEAK TO BE FELT UNTIL THEY ARE TOO STRONG TO BE BROKEN... :A0 -
I was the worlds worst daughter, I only learned when I moved out too, My parents allowed me to take advantage time after time, and I did have a lot of rows with them, but at the end of the day I knew I could get away with it, what were they gonna do, throw me out? Not likely.
So when I pottered off to uni, believing the world owed me one big favour, i came crashing down to earth. Suddenly if all your housemates think you are a selfish little trogg, then you buck your ideas up, no one wants to be unpopular.
If I were in your shoes, Id sit her down and have a full & frank. Say listen, i know you dont think , we have had plenty of arguments about this over time, but you are making it untenable for you to live with us, we dont like living with you you are selfish/ dirty/ trampy whatever. (Dont get angry, jsut be matter of fact. ) Ask her what she is going to do to make the situation more bearable for you. If she cannot come up with a plan, give her a date to move out. AND STICK TO IT
One way or the other, I believe you will get the home life you want. But only by raising your own expectations.:beer: Well aint funny how its the little things in life that mean the most? Not where you live, the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes.
Theres no dollar sign on piece of mind
This Ive come to know...
So if you agree have a drink with me, raise your glasses for a toast :beer:0 -
wigginsmum - you have just cheered my day up, thanks that made me laugh although I know it was meant seriously. I can imagine that being me if I had kids!!! `0
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Lol! On a really 'good' weekend I don't need to speak - I use The Look and a flick of the head to indicate where things need to go. Even the cats hide then!The ability of skinny old ladies to carry huge loads is phenomenal. An ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.0
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It is a short life and there are no good cause to create tension. children who are brought up with loving care normally behave in this manner. You should start doing what she is doing for a couple of weeks and go on holidays leaving the house in a mess, when you come backe then perhaps she has done something about it.
Else pretend you are suffering from sciatica and under Doctor's order not to do anything, I am sure you get the picture.
rgd
Sebastian0 -
It seems to me that she seems quite comfortable living at home....If I were you I would ask her to think about finding her own place to rent. She clearly has no respect for you or your home. If she wont move out then buy the weekly rental paper, set up a few viewing and take her to them!0
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