OH has confiscated my cards

Mrs_justjohn

RoxieW.....

I have read a few of your other threads and will PM you shortly

bestpud

RoxieW wrote: »

no bestpud not allowed to take it out of the £200.

Ahh, in that case he should be told to go forth if he carries on.

If he's decided that is what he can afford to pay then that he should leave you to manage it as you see fit.

At the same time though, you do seem to have a problem in this area so perhaps he is trying to break the cycle?

If he gives up buying gadgets then perhaps it is fair to suggest you stop eating out so much?

Meet her somewhere the kids can play - park or somewhere and you can still catch up for free.

If he's still like this in a couple of months, I'd be more worried but I don't think it's bad to be forcing you to take stock right now.

Mrs_Imp

When I get stressed about things, DH is often in the firing line and gets grief for the littlest things.

I don't know your full story, but could it be a case of your DH has suddenly relaised how out of control your joint finances have become and decided to take a hardline. He's stressed about the implications on your family should this not work or something go wrong (he loses his job, your boiler breaks, your car needs replacing). You're closest to him, so you get the outbursts from his stress.

thorsoak

RoxieW wrote: »

He was happy to spend £15 last Sat night on taxis out of the £200

Oh no! That is completely out of order - if the £200 is for food, clothes etc, then taxi fares do not come out of normal housekeeping.

At the very least, you need to work out a list of things that do come out of this money - then you keep your earnings as your "pocket money".

You two do have to sit down and work this out ....otherwise I foresee big problems in the not-too-distant future

LilacPixie

I spend way to much money. That i admit to that. OH is the same to a certain extent but i am the biggest spender having kids to provide for, but we don't overspend/increase debt we just don't save/overpay as much as we should.

That being said OH would not dare 'confiscate my cards' If he did I would decide to be a child, if i could not be trusted with a bank card then i obviously could not be trusted with food shoping, kids needing new shoes etc etc.

If your joint finances are out of control that is for you to work TOGETHER to sort not for one party to remove the others cards, say you have x amount to spend and you can't spend it on ab or c.

Spendless

Tbh Roxie you have written things about him before where he sounds like he is trying to control you. appreciate we are only getting your side of the story.

If he says your £200 can't be spent on a curry cos he sees it as a 'frivilous' spend then why can't you go spending your earned money, child benefit, tax credit money?

DaisyFlower

If he is working on clearing the debts and finds it easier to give you housekeeping so that he can simply deduct a set amount weekly rather than try and guess card payments I can see his point.

£800 a month for food and child related expenses is more than enough but you must have been spending a lot more before if you feel hard done too now and cant budget.

Instead of getting at each other, why not pin the debt tally up on the fridge and each month see how much its reducing by on the current budget - if its working then he has a point, if its not he only has himself to blame and you can look at the situation again (I assume he can afford to give you £800 spending money plus still pay the mortgage/bills etc).

shelley_crow

If the cards are in your name they aren't his to confiscate.

My OH has been pretty much a stay at home dad since he was made redundant a year ago. I've been working long hours on my degree/work placement. My student loans/bursary and most recently salary go into our joint account. I wouldn't dream of ever taking away the card away from him, why would I? I respect that he is home with our son and that this incurs expense to an extent. I can't imagine how demeaning it would be to give him a cash hand out and deny him access to our joint funds just because I am the only one earning money. While I realise that this is how it used to be, times have moved on and women now have equal status in society (well, obviously this passed some people by).

It does sound that he wants to keep you as the little wifey at home, so that he knows where you are. It's not his place to "punish" you, you are not a child and you are not his slave.

If it was me in the situation you have described, I would be giving my OH an ultimatum. Return my cards to me and treat me as an adult in equal standing or he could keep all the money, minus the 20% odd that the CSA would want from him for Child Maintenence.

nearlyrich

My ex controlled me with money, I had a job that was salaried and my wages went into our joint account and paid the morgage bills etc, he got paid weekly in cash, we went to the supermarket on his payday and what was left was his, I wasn't allowed to take out more than enough for my bus fare to work from my wages. Note I say my ex, this is abuse you need to sort it out and stop letting him treat you like this.

Ex-Spendaholic

Apologies if I have missed key points.

Is your OH left with a large amount of money after the DDs are paid and after he hands over the £200 per week?

Is he actually using left over money to pay towards the £3K debt?

Where is your earnings, child benefit and any tax credits going?

At first I thought that maybe your OH was trying to shock you into realising that you are both overspending and trying to show you that there is a better way. Having a set amount of money in cash each week to cover shopping etc is a good way to work and it is a reasonable amount of money. However, I do have concerns about the curry thing. Telling you that you cannot meet a mate for curry just isn't on.