OH has confiscated my cards

thorsoak

Oh-oh ....alarm bells ringing here too!

First of all - do you use a joint bank a/c? Does he have a separate a/c?

I would suggest that you open a separate a/c for yourself ...into which you deposit the £200 which he "allows" you for housekeeping etc. What happens to the child benefit? Change this into your a/c. Anything that you make from e-bay, also put into this a/c along with the earnings from your p/t job.

To me, it would appear that your OH isn't just wanting you to cut down your spending, he wants total control as well!

Zazen999

Roxy.

Go to your profile, and look at 'threads started by this user'.

You have alot more wrong than just confiscated credit cards; your troubles have been ongoing for a long long time.

Remember your light bulb moment of 2007 - on your money worries stemming from eating out?

RoxieW

Yes they are his children.
Am sat here in tears now as hes just come back from the pub and had a go at me (while I was cleaning the kitchen and minding the 3 kids plus playmate) about leaving a bin bag outside cos the bin was full and not moving it to the bin since its been empty. He said no wonder our youngest gets ill. He says Im pathetic because I cant go a month without spending money.

Oh no he does not want me to work. I did work full time for a period, then i went part time but it was awful. He hated it and made it know. I had to do the housework on weekends. he tried every trick in the book - guilting me over the children, inviting a female neighbour round for takeaways when I was away with work. He was so happy when I decided to be a SAHM again. He really appreciated me. For about 6 months. That all seems to be forgotten now and he often trots out the old - 'get a job then' line.

sassyblue

RoxieW wrote: »

im on the go all week with the children and also working 3 hours a day from home. All the housework/cooking etc is my responsibility. I don't sit down most nights till 9pm. i think a weekend job would tip me over the edge!
Although I am considering a full time job and putting the little one in nursery just to get abit of financial and emotional independence. he says if I do this then i have to pay childcare out of my wage and he will keep his wage for himself. We will then keep our money separate and he earns way more then I could having been a mum and housewife pretty much for the past 8 years.

Your husband is a chauvanist pig. I'm sorry but he is.

You're not allowed to control the money
You're not allowed any bank cards
You're not allowed to go for a curry with your friend
The work you do must fit in around the children and everything you do in the house.

He needs a kick up the jacksy. And quick. :mad:

RoxieW

zazen - sorry i dont understand. we have been up and down with our spending for a while. i come on here, get it under control for a bit, then lose control. I said in my OP we have been consistently overspending for years. I'm not trying to hide anything.

Person_one

Copied from the Women's Aid 'financial abuse' page:

Financial abuse can include the following:

· preventing you from getting or keeping a job

· denying you sufficient housekeeping

· having to account for every penny spent

· denying access to cheque book/account/finances

· putting all bills in your name

· threatening to force you out of the house and make you homeless and destitute

· withholding information about welfare benefits

· demanding your paychecks

· spending the money allocated to bills/groceries on himself

· forcing you to beg or commit crimes for money

· spending Child Benefit on himself

· not permitting you to spend available funds on yourself or children

· making you give up your savings

· not working themselves but forcing you to work to pay for everything


I've bolded all the ones you've mentioned so far in this thread.

This is a bad situation Roxie, would he be willing to go to Relate? How do you feel about calling the Women's Aid helpline to talk about all this with someone who may be able to help?

bestpud

Did you expect to take the curry money from your £200, or were you wanting extra from him?

I won't be popular but here is my thoughts:

I ask because £200 a week is a considerable sum for food and child related expenses. If you cannot afford a curry out of that then he may well have a point!

Looking back at your old posts, you've both lived the high life for a good few years and now it's time to stop and take stock.

You are saying you take responsibility but I'm not sure you have tbh.

Your OH may well be in the pub but you have £200 a week to play with.

It seems to me he has decided enough is enough and someone has to take complete control of the situation. You haven't up until now so why not relax and enjoy the freedom from this responsibility?

Use these boards to cut back on the shopping bill and you have more than enough for treats.

You've lived well for a long time so of course you feel hard done by, but stamping your feet won't help.

Give it 6 months and see what he has managed to pay off. It will be worth it if he pays off the debt, won't it?

Turn it around - see it as a good thing he is taking the debt seriously - you blame him for not doing so earlier - well now he has - you can't have it all ways.

RoxieW

no bestpud not allowed to take it out of the £200.

sassyblue

RoxieW wrote: »

Yes they are his children.
Am sat here in tears now as hes just come back from the pub and had a go at me (while I was cleaning the kitchen and minding the 3 kids plus playmate) about leaving a bin bag outside cos the bin was full and not moving it to the bin since its been empty. He said no wonder our youngest gets ill. He says Im pathetic because I cant go a month without spending money.

Oh no he does not want me to work. I did work full time for a period, then i went part time but it was awful. He hated it and made it know. I had to do the housework on weekends. he tried every trick in the book - guilting me over the children, inviting a female neighbour round for takeaways when I was away with work. He was so happy when I decided to be a SAHM again. He really appreciated me. For about 6 months. That all seems to be forgotten now and he often trots out the old - 'get a job then' line.

Absolutely appalling. I guess you feel worn down but you need to sort this man out. It's his way of controlling you and once you see that the 'battle' has begun, you can either convince him he needs to change or decide where you want to be a year from now.

Regardless of what he thinks the house and the kids belong to both of you and he should be pulling his weight and stop bullying the mother of his kids.

RoxieW

i do appreciate what you are saying bestpud and agree with you up until a point. That is why I have gone along with it the past two weeks. But I feel hes going too far. It just feels like its not about debt anymore (which isnt that massive BTW) its about a punishment for me. He was happy to spend £15 last Sat night on taxis out of the £200 but Im not allowed the same to meet a friend.

I think he has split personality. Ive just gone out to put the rubbish out and hes on the field with the boys, and he waved at me with a smile