desperately need some relationship advice from you good people

Contessa

You may find it helpful to look at this site
https://www.thecoupleconnection.net
This is a 24 hour relationship support service. The site has information about what goes on in relationships and also a forum where people can post questions for advice. I know that some of my friends have found it helpful, and also you can post anonymously if you want. Worth a look.

Jo_R_2

paintedtoenails wrote: »

I wouldn't say I was being selfish or self centred. It looks like I have to make some big life changing decisions. I need to be sensible and consider everything.

If worrying about a job and money to support my family and worrying about the children that I am no longer going to be local to is selfish then maybe I am.

Like someone else said, if I just got up and went up north and left the other 2 kids and had no money to ever see them or visit then or a job to support the family that I live with then I'm sure people would have a lot to say.

No I agree you have to be sensible. You have misunderstood what I said though - I didn't say you were selfish, I said that was how you came across when explaining your reasonings. I don't disagree at all that it is important to consider everything - however your posts do tend to focus on what is logically correct to you and not what might be right for your wife. And I don't mean what you think is right for your wife, explaining why she shouldn't feel how she feels - that's not your place and not what she needs.

I do realise however that unfortunately there isn't a 'one size fits all' solution. I do still think however that what she needs is you - not necessarily to move away, to be separate from you, and I don't necessarily think it would take for you to move 'up North' to 'solve' things anyway. I think you could do an awful lot to be supportive just where you are.

sassy_one

No sign of the OP tonight - hope all is OK

RacyRed

Jo_R wrote: »

however your posts do tend to focus on what is logically correct to you and not what might be right for your wife. And I don't mean what you think is right for your wife, explaining why she shouldn't feel how she feels - that's not your place and not what she needs.

I thought it was worth repeating Jo_R's excellent observation in bold.

paintedtoenails, the practicalities are as they are, but if you can empathise with your wife a little more it might help.

elisebutt65

I'm quite suprised at the reactions of some posters on this topic, considering the dodgy economic times we live in currently.

The OP is considered selfish for not wanting to quit a well paid job to move to an area where he won't be able to see his other kids, that his OH already knew about and where he has no family to support him!!!:mad:

Personally the selfish wife should consider that he is working long 12 hour shifts to come home to a miserable moody c0w, who is just whinging to go home to a town where she was originally begging to get away from!!!

I moved when I was 8 months pregnant to the Midlands away from the South where I had friends and support network and a job when my OH got transferred here. Was I homesick - yes!!!! Did I whinge - No!! I just got in with and made the best of it, made new friends got to know new mums at the school etc etc.

That OH then left a few years later to go off with his doctor is neither here nor there:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I love it here now - My mum and Dad are less than an hour away by car, I have a job I love, even if the pay is !!!!, a new fiancee and a good circle of friends

It's only a place - there are such things as webcams, telephones etc if she needs to keep in contact. I'd have a quiet word with the midwife before the next visit and voice your concerns and ask her to take a proper look - NOT just ask if she has PND - as if anyone who has is going to say yes!!!:o