Intentionally homeless - what are the options

poet123

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Errm, excuse me Tiddlywinks ... but so can she and without all the problems of some kind of glorified small boy who needs his nappy changed!!!!

However, I fervently agree that family mediation may be the only way forward in this distressing situation. Where is the son's father?

Anyone care to take bets on whether or not the son will agree to stir his stumps and attend mediation sessions with his family by default?

Do you not think that in general when push comes to shove, and it is a straight choice between partner and child, rightly or wrongly, the child will usually "win"? In this situation there will be no real winners, but the OP may well be a bigger loser than the others if he finds himself alone and homeless.

martinbuckley

Can he not go and stay with his father?

Plans_all_plans

I agree with neverdespairgirl: I would never make a child of mine homeless, however useless they appeared to be. Although I would hope that I had equipped them with enough skills by the time they got to 18 to branch out on their own without being spoonfed.

puddy

i left home at 18, worked through uni (virtually full time, it was tues, thurs, sats and sundays), my best friend left home at 16, another good friend left home at 17, in fact off the top of my head, i cant think of many of my mates that left home even as late as me.. my OH was married at 18... since when did people in early adult hood become so infantilised?

neverdespairgirl

I'm 33, and I still have keys for my parents' house. I don't usually use them, but I have them. And my parents have keys for our flat, too.

If I were in real trouble, my parents would never refuse to have me stay with them, I'm sure.

churchrat

If it came to a choice between the children (adults now) and my oh, it would be the children everytime. I know that he would choose the same as well. Its not really a question of who you love the most, its not something that could be described as "love". I just know that if there was a burning building and I could reach my oh or one of the children, it would always be the children, aven tho they are all grown up.

I know that my mum feels the same, and once when she hear a row between me and oh she said "you can always come home, you know", even tho I havn't lived with her since I was 18 (too long ago to remember now!)

This young man sounds as tho he has many problems, difficult to know what as we only know what the op has told us, but I don't think a very overweight, demotivated clearly unhappy person will be helped at all by being told that he cannot live with his mother by her husband.

cashbackproblems

Personally i feel if his mum can afford to let him stay at home (without giving him any money etc) then why shouldnt she, assuming its both of your homes. You obviously have no care for him as he's not your kid but surely you realised tht being with someone who has other peoples children is part of the deal? I can understand him having to stand his own feet but this can be achieved without chucking him on the streets and him turning to drugs etc, at least at home he can be encoraged to get a job etc. Buying property is unattainable for most young people without parental help and even renting you need a deposit. I have seen many kids in this situation and they parents have persisted and soon enough when they have no money to do anything they go out and get jobs.

cashbackproblems

churchrat wrote: »

If it came to a choice between the children (adults now) and my oh, it would be the children everytime. I know that he would choose the same as well. Its not really a question of who you love the most, its not something that could be described as "love". I just know that if there was a burning building and I could reach my oh or one of the children, it would always be the children, aven tho they are all grown up.

I know that my mum feels the same, and once when she hear a row between me and oh she said "you can always come home, you know", even tho I havn't lived with her since I was 18 (too long ago to remember now!)

This young man sounds as tho he has many problems, difficult to know what as we only know what the op has told us, but I don't think a very overweight, demotivated clearly unhappy person will be helped at all by being told that he cannot live with his mother by her husband.

Didnt read this before but exactly what i was saying! Sorry but the OP sounds like a t***

TwistedPsycho

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm 33, and I still have keys for my parents' house. I don't usually use them, but I have them. And my parents have keys for our flat, too.

If I were in real trouble, my parents would never refuse to have me stay with them, I'm sure.

I'll definately echo this one.

I have already talked about my borther on here, so I will make you listen to the sound of my voice about me :rotfl:

I got keys to the family home. I will often pop over even when my parents are at work if I have to drop something in and if I had to I could even be waiting there to say "I need to stay a few nights".

Likewise my wife is the same; she has actually moved back into her parents at the moment because she has a new job where the commute is easier than where we live. I am in the process of tarting the flat up ready to put it on the market.

HOWEVER. I think that is a different scenario to the OP's

sp1987

viewings wrote: »

So either way I am in a no win situation. If I dont agree to have him here when and if he is literally on the streets, it sabotages my relationship.

If I do agree to have him here, then my mental health suffers, which will inevitably impact on my relationship. I also work from home, I have to make a lot of confidential calls, this will be impacted too as I cant make those whilst someone is here.

This makes me even more annoyed at his behaviour.

Can a compromise be found? Partner's son is able to sleep in the house but is kicked out from 9am to 7pm each day so you can do your work and have a life aside from watching him mope around. Plus, being out for 10 hours a day will surely be the best way to bore him into getting a job. You could not give him a key so he can't just come and go as he pleases too, but whilst still allowing his mum to know he isn't sleeping under a bridge. So basically he sleeps at the house, no other 'home' luxuries. He can spend his days at the jobcentre that way, or handing his cv out.

He sounds like a complete and utter loser but your partner is probably having a terrible time trying to balance everyone out. She should put her child before you, so maybe offer her a bit of help so she doesn't have to make a decision she doesn't want to because her layabout son has pushed her to it.

I'd never see my son homeless when he is an adult, but that is not to say I would be operating like a hotel for whoever fancies dropping by. If he isn't contributing it will be a bed, facilities to wash himself and his clothes and a hand out of the door each morning. :rotfl: