Intentionally homeless - what are the options

Jowo_2

viewings wrote: »

We live 80 miles away from him, so he cant just 'turn up' as he has no resources to do so unless my partner goes and gets him.

I'm sure that he could be sufficiently motivated to find/scrounge a coach or train fare to turn up with his bags rather than spend energy trying to resolve his problems, if he's the type of person that goes for the easiest path.

is it possible he could be depressed?

some people will stick their head in the sand simply because they lack the motivation, energy or skills to sort out personal problems, they are lazy and prefer not to take any responsibility for themselves, they get used to walking away from their problems or passing them onto others.

others can be crippled with depression which causes them to lose energy and not think clearly - they aren't capable of sorting out personal issues.

viewings

He has found the energy to socialise, spend on frivolities and as I say, holiday to new york last year, but not to sort himself out with a job. He is not registered with a GP despite me advising him to due to his weight (not that I said that but I said about checking his health).

TightGit

Would this be any different if he WAS your son ?

viewings

I havent got children and never wanted any, my partner's children were already adults when we got together. So it would be easy for me to say, well if I had children they would have already been given the skills to self motivate, work hard etc, and therefore I wouldnt face this problem, but you never really know I suppose.
Impossible to answer and I suppose its easy to say, no it wouldnt be different but it may be. I know one thing though, I would be furious, I feel I wouldnt have let it get to this stage, I would have been ramming home the message all the time from the age of 0. I would have ensured that he had paper rounds and saturday jobs from young, so that he understood that money comes from work. He has never had a job, so I dont think this happened

rinkydinkpanther

I don't know that I have any advice for you, but I do feel for you. This sounds all to much like my brother's behavior when he was at Uni. My parents bailed him out, many many times. He's now 35 and still completely incapable of handling money or taking any responsibility for his own life. He'll continue be a drain on my parents emotionally and financially until they die, at which point I as his only sibling get to take over or see him on the streets. Great.

I wish my parents had been able to let him face the consequences of his behavior at a young age, and maybe we wouldn't all be where we are now. On the other hand, I understand why it seemed impossible for them to do so. Best of luck to you all.

iolanthe07

It seems that he is something of a drifter. Why not encourage him to join one of the armed forces? He will receive food, accommodation and pay, and it may be just what he needs to pull himself together.

viewings

A - I could see him passing out at the very thought of it
B - I dont think his fitness would allow. Im guessing, based on height that he may be around 25st.

Jowo_2

iolanthe07 wrote: »

It seems that he is something of a drifter. Why not encourage him to join one of the armed forces? He will receive food, accommodation and pay, and it may be just what he needs to pull himself together.

Contrary to the popular image of the Armed Forces shaping up drifters, my experience is that those who lacked drive were the first to fail basic training - there is no tolerance for excuses and shirkers get a shock - those that are considered idle and bring down their colleagues in group tasks get bullied out by them. It's a very harsh and cruel environment...

poet123

It is a stark choice for your partner to be forced to make.

VioletBaudelaire

Stick to your guns viewings, I think you're absolutely in the right! His mother wouldn't really be doing him any favours in the long run by helping him. She'd be (and I hate this expression!) "enabling" his behaviour.
How old is he?