my son wants to get custody for his son

tweetie_pie_3

Mojisola wrote: »

OP - has your son got parental responsibility? As he has gone down the DNA testing route, he probably didn't go and register the birth with the mother. Has he been to court to get himself acknowledged as the father or does he have a parental responsibility agreement with the mother?

You say you're already having your grandson about four days a week - do you have him overnight as well?

He went with the mother to get his name put on as she wanted it on and yes we do have him over night in the last 3 weeks we have had him more than the mum/other grandmother

Errata

You have the baby 4 and more days a week, what would happen if you just kept him instead of handing him back ?

balletshoes

tweetie_pie wrote: »

hi thankyou so much for your advice and yes the social worker and family centre worker have told me to get a residency(sp) order in place and to seek legal advice because there is a lot more i could say about the mums side of the family but i put all that aside and still do try and support the mum and have him a lot but id like her to try and bond with her baby but she hasnt and says she doesnt want him but its her mum that stops her from giving him up i do feel sorry for her cos she craves her mums love because she was put in care so does wot shes told so her mum accepts her its a sad situation and we just want what is best for the little one

tweetiepie I sympathise with you - my brother is going through a similar situation at the moment. Do as the social work suggest, get a residency order put in place and then sort out a solicitor.
My brother now has an interim full residency order, baby's mum only has supervised access (agreed in court and supported by social work departments report and recommendation), but it is most days. What I would advise is, during this whole process, you and your family need to be as accommodating as possible to your GS mum and family - the more you show yourselves to be reasonable with access etc, the less chance anyone has of coming back at you with allegations of interference/creating barriers between baby and his mum/mum's family. Keep any threatening/abusive texts which may come from mum's side once you have been to court for the interim order. I know this all sounds daunting, but unfortunately this has been my brother's experience so far - and he has the social work totally on his side. Sadly in our case, baby's mum is doing herself no favours with regard to baby, she arranges other things on access days, sends horrific texts to my brother etc etc. I still don't think that its sunk in with her that my brother isn't going to just lay down, give up, and give his daughter back to her full time.

Others have made very good points so far - you and your son will need to have the finances to look after the child (my brother hasn't received child benefit or tax credits yet). You and your son also need to be aware that this is a lifetime commitment - my brother and niece are living at my mum's, she's in her 60s, and in good health. I'm amazed at how well she is coping with the sleepless nights, tantrums, complete upheaval in her routine etc etc. I have nothing but admiration for her (and my brother, but he's cared for baby since she was born, and so is more used to it).
If social work are concerned, and have advised you to get residency, and you are prepared and ready to do this, then I think thats admirable.

tweetie_pie_3

agscully wrote: »

I have read through your thread and IMO i cant see why the child would be any better off living with you , you suspect neglect but have no proof , you claim social services want him to live with you but yet they have done nothing to make that happen , you have a previous thread which mentions you took an overdose recently so being honest here i dont think he would be any safer living with yourself and your family , are the social services aware that you took an overdose ? in my experience of them ( due to work ) i very much doubt that if they knew that they would place the child with you , unless you had gone through some therapy or counselling to resolve the issues which led to you taking the overdose.

Is your son paying maintenence ? Does he visit is child ? is he actively showing an interest in his son ? All of these things are inportant if you want the child living with you .
Hi
yes they do know i have been very honest with them about it and the anti depressants i was on was basically caused by my situation and the tablets making me feel worse since i have changed tabs i feel so much better and as my partner and i went to counselling things r fine
My son is at college the social worker said as a student he doesnt need to pay until his got a full time job he does take an active role in his baby he baths him feeds him change him play with him everything really he does the night sits but im there as well in case he needs me so like i sed he has done more than the mum yes at first he was nervous but now im very proud to say his doing a fantastic job

yes they do know i have been very honest with them about it and the anti depressants i was on was basically caused by my situation and the tablets making me feel worse since i have changed tabs i feel so much better and as my partner and i went to counselling things r fine
My son is at college the social worker said as a student he doesnt need to pay until his got a full time job he does take an active role in his baby he baths him feeds him change him play with him everything really he does the night sits but im there as well in case he needs me so like i sed he has done more than the mum yes at first he was nervous but now im very proud to say his doing a fantastic job
He knows its not going to be easy but i will support him all the way

agscully

tweetie_pie wrote: »

like i said before it is the other grandmother that is looking after him most of the time so not the mother and like some1 else said these r quite common things he has had wrong with him although we have seen ourselves the mum doesnt want him but its her mum that stops her giving him up but she has been told to go bk to her flat with her baby but she wont cos that will mean her having to look after him
we went down there saturday to a screaming sobbing baby he was so pale i thought id have to take him to hospital
I only want whats best for my grandson which is love security stability and to get into a proper routine

tweetie_pie wrote: »

I have him about 4 days in a week now sometimes more and my son knows she doesnt want him ever since they split up she hasnt bonded with baby
I was supporting her and giving her advice i still do but its diofficult when she dont even look at her baby let alone feed him
its a sad case and if i thought she wanted him id never take him away from her but every day she asks me to have him we even got her in baby massage classes to bond but she couldnt b bothered to go thanks for the advice and i will seriously consider things but i feel as if he lives here already as we have him a lot but everytime his with mum for a few days his ill
I just want him to feel loved and in a stable home which i really thought she would want him as she was taken into care ive even suggested her going to the docs for counselling so i have tried everything to help
she said 2 weeks ago she didnt want him i sed look have a free w/end i will have him but u need to think carefully b4 u decide and her mum rang up said her daughters missing him so i took him down there and she wasnt there she had a weekend of fun as she put it

Which of the above is true ? ( highlighted in red ) Also how do you intend to support the child if he lived with you, your previous thread mentioned you not able to work due to an injury , your partner not working and you only getting child benefit , what would you support your grandchild with ?

tweetie_pie_3

Errata wrote: »

You have the baby 4 and more days a week, what would happen if you just kept him instead of handing him back ?

If i said to her can i have him longer she would
she says i can have him when i want when i had him for 4 days she wasnt even there when i took him bk and i had no word from any of her family while i have him
she dropped him off yesterday and i was trying to get her interested in what her baby can do but she was more interested in talking about who she could get to sit fri sat night as her mums got him sun i have him mon night so she can have a long weekend of drink again i have this week took a step bk and tried to get her to look after him more but shes just got other family members to look after him so i dont know wot else to do i cant force her to love her child

tweetie_pie_3

jamespir wrote: »

ok it seems to me they are both as bad as ecah other and you and the other grandma are being left to pick up the pieces if social services want you to have baby then they should be doing everything to give you it so you dont need a solicistor but its seems that social services (as they normally do) are playing one of against the other so see if you geta chat with a solistor just to see what youre options are

Can u explain who is as bad as each other i dont understand
The other grandmother is looking after him to sheild her daughter because she knows as she neglected her own daughter she would never get custody of him so is looking after him and making out her daughter does it but every1 is now noticing shes not

tweetie_pie_3

lynzpower wrote: »

I think the most important thing you can do in this process is to be entirely honest about what help and support you as a faimly will need. There is no point at all in trying to pretend that you are all "copers" and will be fine without support. If you have had emotional difficulties it is worth being open and honest about these with the SW when you are in session. if you arnt it will come back at a later stage.

Likewise, your son will obviously have your support, but maybe he would benefit from a young dads group in the area, to support his own emotional development in coming to terms with potentially whats about to happen.

Dont focus on the childs mum, social workers will be doing all that, although its useful to keep an informal diary of "if things are said" that you or more importantly your son are concerned by.

If he is under S47=- child protection then little you can add is going to change that.

Now is the time for open minds and open hearts. How will you manage between you if a shared care arrangement is come to?

I say this from many years in Childrens social work and a short spell in adoption and family finding.

Yes i agree his already gone to a parent skills group and will be looking at other groups
The sw has already suggested we make a diary of things said and done as there has been a lot and its easy to get confused
Yes we are prepared to share care and we do have a lot of support i am quite prepared to work with the social workers but this is what they have suggested as they said its not fair on the little1 to be in so many homes and needs to be looked after properly in 1 home which we agree with thanks for your advice

lynzpower

tweetie_pie wrote: »

Can u explain who is as bad as each other i dont understand
The other grandmother is looking after him to sheild her daughter because she knows as she neglected her own daughter she would never get custody of him so is looking after him and making out her daughter does it but every1 is now noticing shes not

Seriously, dont listen to this guy he often comes across as completely clueless

Errata

tweetie_pie wrote: »

If i said to her can i have him longer she would

Then I don't understand what your problem is. Keep the baby if you believe that by handing him back to his mother he will be inappropriately fed and poisoned with OTC meds.