Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

Cloudane

I'm not a parent. But if I was I guess somewhere in the middle probably.

i.e. don't ALWAYS let them off otherwise they will come to expect it and learn from an early age that debts don't have to be paid off (and that they can wrap you around their little fingers!). Make sure they know that debts DO need to be paid, not only for the good of the child but also the good of the future economy that they'd have to live with. Don't let them go through the economic disasters that we are.

On the other hand, they probably won't thank you for being strict about everything all the time, and you'll feel mean. So I think it's fine to let them off once in a while just to be nice (and watch the face light up), so long as it's clear that they shouldn't expect it all the time - make sure they know it's a gift, or in return for them doing some housework or whatever, not that you're a soft touch that they've manipulated but that YOU have DECIDED to let them off on this occasion because you're nice. And remind them it won't be like that when they grow up!

That's how mine handled it anyway, and I turned out ok... I think :lipsrseal

Ashagill

Yes, I agree with everyone. A sensible and ridgid approach to money while growing up is essential if they are to be sensible and ridgid themselves. I was told to have a paper round when I was 13, to earn my money, and i'm a better person for it. - It taught me the value of things. However as it's pocket money, I agree with the idea of chores for money to help pay off the debt faster.

You should definitiely encourage her to work somehow for her money. Maybe make sure she's the one cleaning out the rabbit hutch!

Ashagill

OR, as my mum did for my brother, take the money she owes you and put it into a savings account or perhaps a jar, then when she's all paid off, you can show it to her and tell her it's for her to buy something important with... I mean it does wind up that she's getting both lots of money anyway, but the savings is not for her to fritter away, and she can learn about saving...

MisterD21

ABSOLUTELY NOT!
What you are doing is something called LIFE!

Imagine in 5+ years when your daughter gets a credit card, spend spend spend then the bill comes.
"oh I'll get round to it" or "I forgot" etc.

Which ends up spiralling out of control.

I agree with some of the comments on here to give her more chores.

In real life that could be the equivalent of getting a second or even a first job to pay off debts.

While you can't expect an under-aged child to work in the real world to pay off debts (being it illegal), I feel it's important to teach children the value of money and what they have to do to earn it in preparation for that thing the rest of us are afflicted with - Adulthood and the Real World.

Why be lenient? Companies which your daughter will inevitably get into debt with (it happens to every single one of us somewhere along the line) will not be as lenient.

Keep up the good work.
MisterD

gem4

Yes of course you make her pay, dont back down - she has to learn to spend her own money not yours.
I learnt the hard way. I still continue to bail my son out and he's 35!! I always fall for his sob stories and wish I didnt, but believe me he gets into some dire financial messes, and he knows I back down if he goes on for long enough. He never pays back what he borrows.

With my daughter, yes she spends my money sometimes but always pays it back. My memory is dreadful so I keep a list of what she says she'll pay for and at the end of the month when she gets paid we add it up and she pays me back. I dont mind as it goes on my cashback credit card and gets paid straight back to it to clear any balance :-)

Stick to your guns, dont be a fool like I was with my son. He's got no idea.....and i feel its my fault for being weak when he was a teen.

alanofipswich

I find it very disappointing that any responsible parent even needs to ask!! Of course the child must pay it back - how else will they learn the value of money, meaning of promises or about the reality of life?

tabbycat2k

Your daughter is just trying it on - perhaps that has worked before?? Chance for a new leaf? It's not about being a skin flint either. It's tough love. And it's not necessarily supposed to be easy for you either (who said being a parent was!). When I see parents giving in to constant haranguing and emotional blackmail from their children I think they are taking the route of least resistance and it doesn't help the kids in the long run. And they know it's worth behaving that way again. Ultimately though, do you want to be a woman of your word? Good luck putting up with the hassle - it's worth it!

smutmonkey

bennett2kuk wrote: »

It would depend how old they are to be honest. If they're in their teens and have some form of income or money to hand then I'd get the money back off them just to help them realise the value of money. If it's an adult then of course I'd want repaying unless it were considered a gift.
If you're talking about a 6 year old or something then they're too young to be treated in such a way and if they get something then it's you buying something for them or just tell them no as you don't want to spoil them.

It all depends on the age range you're talking about to be perfectly honest.

It doesn't matter on the age, you are never to young to learn the value of money. If someone has agreed to pay for something then they should pay it.
I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old who both get small amounts of pocket money which they can spend how they wish. I will buy things for them while we are out but they both know that they have to pay me back when we get home. No they don't necessarily understand what 50p is for example but when they want to buy something we explain the value to them by telling them how many weeks pocket money they will have to spend

mummyfrugal

As a mum i feel mean when i tell my son he must use some of his pocket money to buy or part buy things, and things that are 'big buys' have to be saved up for first. If he had his own way the house would be full of things he 'needs'!!!

It has had a good effect on him, when he was buying some chocolate (with his own money) he took ages working out which bar was the best value for money, so he could get the most chocolate with his cash. I hope later in life he uses his money wisely.

So I would say that you would have to tell your daughter that she must pay, because although it is hard now when she is older she will probably turn out to be more responsible with her money.

I have an in-law who was brought up with everything given to him, what he wanted when he wanted, and now in his 40's his debts are more than his house is worth, but he just thinks that when his parents die their money will pay all his debts off (which i think is awful and not to mention... totally selfish to his own children). - Please dont let your daughter turn out like this.

All the best and dont feel mean teaching the skills for life! xx

elizabethhull

This is a terribly sad situation and my heart goes out to this parent who bravely admits that maybe giving in was not the best policy. You never know what is in store for your children, but I think the best 'present' you can give them is to be equipped to cope - that's not being tightfisted, it's loving them enough to NOT give them everything (even though you naturally want to).
As already said, doing some jobs for the money is often a good idea.

HALIBERT wrote: »

I have a son who I spoilt by paying for things that he never payed back for. It got worse. When he was older he had mobile phones ( before either of us) and bills of £200+ a month. He expected me to get him out of everything. I once said "One day you will do something I can't get you out of". He is now in a nursing home with no hope of recovery.

Stick to your guns.
The strops get worse as they get older and bigger.
I sometime wonder if I had not given in would things have turned out differently