Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

ms_piggy

From experience she will thank you for being tough. My DD called me recently to thank me for not letting her get away with things. She said she hated me at the time but appreciates it now.(HUGE arguments/tantrums/strops at the time though)
Also,it will get easier.My younger two now remind me they owe me money.Plus they have said they feel satisfied knowing they have paid for something themselves.
Stick to what you say, it may be tough in the short term but it will be worth it long term.
When things get really bad just remind yourself you are teaching them valuable life lessons FOR THEIR BENEFIT.:)

beeber

I learnt my lesson with my eldest daughter:eek:

My 2 younger children have their pocket money (which is earnt not just given) of £7per week paid into their own Barclays bank accounts and they have atm cards (not debit cards). They give me any additional money they earn/get and I pay this into their accounts also. This means they can save easily or visit the local bank and take out however much they want - I leave this totally up to them. One is saving up for a BMX and the other wants a new iPod. I will not lend them this money it is up to them to save. We get a statement every now and then which we go through and, if I am honest sometimes there have not been good decisions taken - but that is up to them!

Arguments and sulks happen obviously (they are teenagers, that is their job!) but I stick to my guns and they get the hang of it quite quickly. They try to involve Dad but he knows not to get involved!:beer:

pocketstrings

I think you did the right thing. Kids learn from what we do, not just from what we say, and what would she learn if you caved in? She wouldn't learn the value of money, the need to be patient and save up etc. She'd learn that mum and dad will always bail you out and that throwing a wobbly gets you your way! Trust me, your kid wouldn't thank you if years from now she racks up huge credit card debts because she 'had to have it (clothes, car, holiday, etc) now!' - then you'd get it in the neck for never teaching her financial nous!

Helen66

You have already taught your daughter that it is acceptable to make an emply promise of repaying money. Now perhaps you could teach her that it is important to take responsibility for purchases she wishes to make. Don't worry about the strop, she'll get over it and will have learned something in the process.

robynprincess

I actually find this a really toughie this week, one part of me says, by givingin and paying for it, what are you teaching her? That you will always bail her out and she can spend how she likes. The other part of me says, they're only children for a short amount of time, and I knwo I want to always give my kids all that i can.

I think in future the answer is, she has to save up FIRST, not pay you back.

SuzySF

no. no. no make her pay. A stark lesson in money management in my family....my cousin and I are the same age (49), my parents bought me up to save, and buy stuff i wanted out of my money (and no they wernt skinflints they bought me lots of stuff). My cousin had all she wanted with no money/payback involved.....guess what, I lived within my means, now a home owner no mortg, no debts, CC paid off each month etc - and no I'm not gloating....i was just taught the value of money and prudence. My cousin still has debts of £30,000 she has paid of as much, and in the process lost her house....
stark lesson

make her pay, whether out of her pocket money or by doing chores

[Deleted User]

I don't have kids yet, but if/when I do, I'd be happy to lend them money going forward, but with a clear payment plan.

For example, if they were on £5 a week pocket money, yes, I'll loan you £20, but you won't be getting any pocket money until 4 weeks time to pay for it.

In relation to the original question, if you let your kids believe that the magic words "I'll pay you back" are just that - magic words - that open your wallet, that's a recipe for turning 18, getting a £2000 limit on a credit card, telling the card company "I'll pay you back", buying loads of clothes/beer/DVDs and being hit with a not-so-forgiving debt collector.

Saetana

This is a bit of a no-brainer really, now here come the cliches, lol! Children need to be taught from an early age that money doesn't grow on trees and that you don't get something for nothing, I always had to do chores for my pocket money and see no reason why this should have changed. Too many modern kids are "I want, I want, I want", they know all about their rights but not the responsibilities that should go with them. If you give in on this issue then you are demonstrating to your daughter that all she has to do is offer to pay and then you will forget about it, not a great lesson for later in life!

wsheena

.............how else will they learn.
i always make my son pay up, and now and again, knowing that he always does pay up, i will take the money from him then give it him straight back as a treat..
we both know this will happen occasionally, but the learning factor is there for him, and a pleasant reward every now and again because i'm his mum!

Pellyman

Of course you should make her pay her share, if that is what she agreed to.

However, it might have been preferable to have also agreed the weekly amount of repayment at the time of purchase. It might have been equally preferable to have pointed out that a less expensive hutch would result in either a lower weekly repayment or a shorter repayment period. She might have opted for a less expensive model. That way you would have covered all the bases and she would have realised the 'strop' is self inflicted.

I do think that a total withholding of all pocket money (as is implied) could be considered over the top and, even if it takes her longer to repay, reducing the pocket money by 50% over twice the period might be more acceptable to the daughter. That would give her something to spend each week but teach her to identify her 'priorities'. Might well come in handy later in her life!