Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

deadasadodo

Most definately.
Teaches responsible money management rather than learning to live off other people.

hmr_2

Yes,not only should she repay her debt. Make it clear to her that lending money is spoiling your relationship. In future, if she hasn't saved for something, or if she has left her purse at home she will have to go without.

If you choose to treat her to something that's another matter, but NEVER if she has pestered or begged for it.

RuthnJasper

kerri_gt wrote: »

I first started receiving pocket money when I was five - I still remember my parents telling me I was going to get pocket money as they both collected me in the car from school - a real treat in those days as my dad was rarely home from work at that time.

I was given 20p a week (eeeek! showing my age) and went to the newsagents in town with my dad each week. I had a choice, I could either buy 1 packet of stickers, or some sweets, but didn't have enough for both.

On occasion my dad would treat me and buy me the item I hadn't chosen but never before I had made a choice and was handing my money over. And I NEVER expected, or whinged to get the extra treat - I understood it was just that.

A 5yr old can understand the concept of money - after all, how many pre-school kids do you see playing shop with pretend money. Its the concept they have though that is handed down from parents.

I only got 10p! I was robbed!! :mad:

But I was rubbish with money - hence my presence here at MSE-World! My nephew is only six and he already knows how to save his money for what he wants. He saved every birthday and Christmas gift of money from friends and relatives for two years and brought himself a (real, though child-sized) drum-kit (my sister-in-law grovelled to her neighbour, fortunately they get on well!) and a guitar. AND he's not a pretentious little geek - it's not fair, hehe

I love him to bits - but he makes me feel utterly ashamed of myself! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

roslancaster

Definitely yes - anything else and she is growing up believing the world revolves around her and she doesnt have to pay her dues - and also that there are few consequences to reneging on promises. Remember the world out there is harsh. She needs to learn earlier rather than later.:rotfl:

motoko

I think if she has agreed to pay half of it then she should pay half of it, otherwise she'll be offering to pay half every time she sees something she likes and then not paying it. If you have let her get away with this in the past, then its not surprising she is in a strop tho, because she thought she was going to have her cake and eat it too, but now realises this is not the case.

If you want to be lenient, then how about taking half her pocket money instead of all of it, so she still has something to spend? That way she really has nothing to complain about. Of course it will take twice as long to pay off, but give her the choice and she can then make her decision.

For those people who are saying don't be so tight, you should spoil your kids sometimes.... I agree to a certain extent in that its nice to buy them something as a treat every now and then, this way it is a nice surprise for them and they will really appreciate it. But if you do this every time they ask for something, they will just take it for granted, you will no longer get any gratitude for it, just a sulky child if you ever say no. I had a friend like this as a teenager, whose parents gave her money for everything she wanted as well as loads of pocket money, and she definitely took them for granted. Also since she didn't have anything to buy for herself, all the pocket money went on sweets when she was younger and beer when she got a bit older, she was very overweight so they really weren't doing her any favours. When she went to uni she got in a right mess because she wasn't used to budgeting her own money, but they just bailed her out again... this time for thousands.

kls_2

I have 2 boys 11 and soon to be 9, my husband introduced pocket money a couple of years ago which I didn't agree with as I had never had it as a child but his reason for doing it is turning out to be a success. The younger you start to learn the value of money the better. My youngest is a monster for wanting everything whenever we go anywhere and up until this year I would quite often give in to both of them, if they hadn't enough saved I would pay the rest and with hold pocket money until the debt was paid, this worked well for them but then I decided they were still not really learning the lesson properly, now when we go out they can't have what they want unless they have all the money themselves and we try to get them - within reason - what they want for birthdays etc. They are very appreciative of the little things and very grateful for the big - stick to your guns with your daughter, you will both benefit - you're obviously a lovely mum to be letting her torment you into a moral dilemma state!!!

Tazlilly

Yes, absolutely children should learn the value of money, and the fact that it has to be worked for.

My son is 10. He gets £2 a week pocket money and has to do jobs for any more, such as mowing the lawn, washing the car etc.

My ex, went bankrupt shortly after we divorced because of his spending habits, and I feel it is essential that my son learns now to "budget" and save for stuff he wants.

pineapple

Kids have to learn the value of money and the difference between 'I want' and 'I need'. By all means help out occasionally but otherwise stick to the arrangement. Don't be a soft touch. This is why you are in your current situation and it will only get worse if it continues.
That said, did she offer to pay half believing you would sub the other half? After all, you yourself created this expectation. In fact, I can understand her feeling a bit miffed. By all accounts set up new ground rules, but ideally these should be discussed first.

ConfusedAgain

I would definitely be inclined to make daughter repay. It may seem a little harsh if you don't "need" the money but think of it more as encouraging her to follow through with her promises and learn about the consequences of her actions. Where's the benefit in teaching her that she can do what she likes with no downside?

As for the worry of not being lenient, would you use this argument with your credit card company when they ask you to repay? "I'm sorry I went on a massive spending binge of designer clothes and fast cars but you're just being soooo unnnnffairrr!". (Perhaps more importantly, would you honestly like to think your daughter as think that that is an acceptable attitude to money?)

Kamen_Rider_W

I would say yes purely because children must learn the value of money while they are young. If they are taught that Mum or Dad will pick up the bill for them every time, they will be encouraged towards debt and reckless spending. I'm from Japan where a lot of people live with, and are dependent upon their parents even into their 20s and 30s so if the son/daughter owes money, the parents will often take the debt upon themselves as well as having the child live there rent-free. Meanwhile, the child continues to spend and run up bills. Is that how you want your children to treat you?