Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

tallgirld

Yes be lenient. Isn't being ripped off by your children part of being a parent?

Actually don't be lenient. My mum was very lenient with me and I ended up being really rubbish with money. I don't blame her for that but I think instead of saving for stuff I just run up loads of debts because I knew there would always be "HELP"!!!!!

PS: I'm much better with money now I actually save. (yeah but I am nearly 40) LOLLLLLLL

redhead26

Absolutely make her repay her debts! It's lovely to spoil your kids occasionally, but a deal was made and kids have to learn that money doesn't grow on trees. My 17 year old daughter knows the score, if I lend her money it gets paid back asap and she also knows that I only lend it in an emergency, if she runs out before she gets paid then she can't go out with friends etc, hopefully she is learning to budget! I don't want my kids to have to struggle with debt the way we have had to due to bad money management.

Stressed_working_Mum

I too was fed up of paying for everything and never being paid back. My daughters, 17 and 11, both now have their own debit cards (I keep possession of youngest daughters - just in case!!). Every time they want to buy something, they have to use their own cards and money - you would not believe how much it has reduced their spending.
My 17 year old has really become money aware, can budget now and has even signed up for Martins email. My 11 year old only buys things that she really wants and then checks her bank statements against her receipts - just to make sure that the bank got it right!!!!

Stress levels still high but reducing . . . . . . . . .

:j:j

fatal1955

It's not the money it's the message. What she is doing is borrowing and accumulating debt without understanding the consequences.

Every time you let her get away with conning you into paying for stuff that she has said she would pay for, or contribute to, you send the message that it's ok to take on commitments but not fulfil them and to use other people for her own ends. You are doing her no favours by your false kindness. You are also misinforming her about how borrowing & debt work in the real world. She won't thank you when she grows up into a debt-addict.

You could perhaps try treating it like a grown-up debt crisis (depending on her age you can decide what level of play is involved): do a budget together over her pocket money, agreeing how much she owes you and how much she will pay from her pocket money each week. Since she is never actually seeing the bit she's paying back you can label it a "direct debit"! She then knows what she has available to spend after deductions.

Since you sometimes forget the borrowing, get her to send you an IOU text at the time, while you're still in the shop.

Also, until she is debt-free, don't bail her out on another shopping trip - she can only borrow more when she has cleared her original debt. Or, if she's sophisticated enough, agree a borrowing limit with her and don't let her go over it. At the very least she may learn to take her own money with her!

If you want to make the lesson even more real, add interest to the loan and put the interest into a long-term savings account for her (but don't tell her about the account until her lifestyle shows she has learned how to handle borrowing intelligently).

Good luck.

liver-bird

Yes. Kids need to learn the value of money.

ecudat

I get the impression you have already let her do this kind of thing in the past - you pretty much say that in your question to be honest.

She is only complaining because her previous experience suggests that she either doesn't usually have to pay or that whining and getting in a strop has worked previously.

Clearly it can be good to reward or even just treat your kids, but if they specifically want something and say they'll pay for it, then they need to elarn to follow through on their actions. Given that I'd guess she doesn't do anything for her pocket money in the first place, she shouldn't have any complaints.

anyway, I'd potentially suggest you show her this topic so she can see 70%+ people agree that she should pay you back for her half!

MrsHoneybun

Of course she should

XRAT

The question you're really asking is, "Should I teach my kids that it's alright to steal, as long as it's only from their parents?"

Two problems here; one it's not alright to steal, and two you're putting parents in a lower respect order than everyone else.

laurann20

I was a very, very spoilt child. I never had to pay for anything myself, was always given money. I never had an allowance. Even at university I was just handed money to pay for everything from my parents. :eek:
It was VERY,VERY difficult to learn lessons about money later in life!!! I really stuggled. I felt like everything was unfair, why should I have to work for anything? It was quite a shock to go into the real world and see that's just how it is.
My greatest thanks to my husband & to Martin Lewis' book & website for helping me along the way. Otherwise I might have ended up in huge debt as I had no idea how to handle a budget or the value of anything.
So...moral of the story? I WISH someone had been there to tell me to pay for something so I could have learned this lesson sooner! I learned my lessons eventually, but it would have been much easier and less painful to learn when I was young! :j Please don't repeat my story, teach your children the value of money when they're young. x

dahjoh

My daughter is 17 and has a weekend job. She gets paid monthly. I also give her a small amount monthly from the maintenance I receive for her from her Dad. Occasionally she asks me to buy something or lend her some cash , which I usually do, but I always make a note of any money I give her and deduct it from the maintainance allowance. She has learned the hard way by not receiving any money from me for 2 months and has had to survive on her meagre earnings. I also have a rule that if she owes me more than 2 months 'maintenance' money then I will lend her nothing until it is all paid back.