Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

Ebenezer_Screwj

She is "in a strop" because for once you have not been forgetful of the expected handout, maybe next time you go shopping you could "forget to take enough money" to fund her expenditure and she will learn another lesson in life.

pollypenny

She agreed to go halves with you or rather you agreed to help her buy the hutch by going half. She should pay you.

Just live with the strop; she'll learn her lesson, I hope. Otherwise, she'll be be like our DD, still asking us for help in her 30s.

ianharrison2003

If you want to be more lenient then don't accept that she contributes but once you've accepted then definitely keep her to her promise otherwise she'll never understand what promises mean.

viewpoint

If you continually let children get away with not upholding their end of a bargain what are you teaching them about trust, respect and the value of money? As long as it's made clear at the time of purchase who is responsible for paying then follow it through. Of course, if you make sure she's got her money with her when you go out you'd avoid the situation altogether.

davidgeo

No.
A promise is a promise and a deal a deal.

She should see that even if it takes a while.

If not, there is a more serious problem which you need to address.

If the strop continues, have one yourself and increase the weekly deductions and explain why.

hamzramz

It's a little difficult this one, as either you could look like a skinflint, making a young child repay her debt, or someone who spoils their kids too much.

I guess you could take into account that the girl really wanted this particular one, and INSISTED that she will pay half, but I think totally docking her pocket money so that she is left with money is a little harsh, (I get the impression that she's eight or something). I agree with everyone who said go halves/extra chores, I know that people wish to teach their children to manage money properly, but don't go and make them skint by holding ALL their pocket money, no wonder the girl deliberately leaves her money at home, if she thinks she can get away with it!

I have a younger brother who seems to get everything he wants, games consoles, toys even a pet cat, and I disapprove, I'm in Uni now and my parents always seem to say I was like him when younger, getting everything I wanted. Although I learnt the error of my ways years ago, and I am extra careful with money, I didn't even take out a maintenence loan, deciding to earn that myself, and as I'm at home for Uni.

When I do become a parent, I would make sure my children learn the importance of money, having a bank account, not wasting it on sweets etc. but I would probably go halves a bit more, if they are clearly doing their best to save up for something we may pay the difference once in a while, and if they've been good, maybe buy it for them, to reward good behaviour.

SusanC_2

If you say she'll have to pay then you need to enforce it. If you aren't, it's better to just say from the outset that you're buying whatever it is for her.

Also, if she's paying something back, could you get her to pay it back over a longer period of time so that she doesn't have no pocket money at all for ages? I'm letting my three year old pay me back for something (I don't usually let her have things she doesn't already have the money saved up for but this was in a charity shop so wouldn't have still been there) and she's paying me 20p out of her 30p a week pocket money until it's paid off so she still has some money in the meantime. If you have debt as an adult, you're still allowed to keep some of your money for other things - not just pay 100% of your income to creditors.

Marisco

Ask for the money in advance, and then buy the item. Once they know they cannot con you any more, they might stop trying. But if they keep getting away with it, they will learn nothing!

Daaisy

I think that perhaps its time to start afresh with your daughter.

it seems like she is expecting you to do what you have always done

You need to be able to draw a line in the sand and start as you mean to go on.

You need to help her to learn about financial responsibility which will in turn help her to grow into a responsible adult.

i dont think it would hurt to explain that everyone is having to tighten their belts at the moment

Saying that,

I would give her a choice

Let her choose whether to pay back the money she owes or not

But and it is a very big but

You have to make it totally clear, that you will not lend her any more money and be prepared to carry it through no matter how bad she strops if she chooses not to pay back.

She will then have to take responsibility for the situation she has now put herself in.

Yes she will win in the short-term, but she will also learn that she has lost out big time in the long term

I sympathise, i have a 20 year old,who is sharing a flat with a friend who still thinks its everyone elses responsibility to sort out her financial difficulties, lessons which unfortunately she has learned from her dad.

I'm a single mum, on benefits, and in uni and am having to exist on thin air, and am owed money by her which she has promised to pay back which i have no hope of getting back

i feel guilty when i say no but remind myself that she is still going out partying whilst i'm doing the 8 pm shop at tesco on a saturday night !!!

I now remind her that she hasn't paid me back what she owes so I can no longer afford to take the risk.

I offer for her to come for tea or give her a few tins from the cupboard and she hasn't asked for a while.............

My youngest two have learned that mum can't "spoil" them with money or things.

I wish you luck however you deal with it

Claire x

graylady72

i always make my girls pay their way. how else are they going to learn in life. if they borrow from me i insist they pay me back and i don't let them borrow more than they can afford. my eldest got into a habit of not paying back so now i don't lend to her (and yes i've had the teenage strops) it's a valuable lesson for them to learn. i don't feel guilty about making them pay their way either.
good luck and stick to your guns
:-)