Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

cusally

my 2 daughters are now 24 and 19, both have had similar chats when out shopping with me about paying towards things. We did it in a friendly way, but nevertheless they did pay.

My 24 year old finished uni less in debt than most of her friends (given that they all had a student loan that is the best she could do!) and she has a very good attitude to saving up for the things she wants. She has left home and budgets for all her bills, buys all her clothes in sales etc
our 19 year old has an allowance and keeps within it very well, that doesn't stop us giving treats and occasionally saying when we are out shopping, "this is on us darling" and even once in a while she turns round and says "this is on me" so that is warming.

Your problem is really that this is the first time you have actually lived up to your bargain, that is what the strop is about, to me this is the chance to have a friendly chat explaining that spending money is always about weighing up the pros and cons of items, which includes affordability, and also about keeping promises.
Do you share some of the information about household costs - showing the kids the phone bills and electricity bills to illustrate that you have to budget ahead can be helpful.

I will always remember a male colleague - when he was around 35 and we were being told of yet another gadget (unnecessary) that he had bought, he let it drop that he got the money from his parents as they still supported him for all the extras in life - mortgage deposit, gadgets, holidays. We knew they were living on a small pension in a council house, while he earned good money and I was almost speechless at his casual attitude that they would of course be tapped for whatever he wanted !!

klur

I would agree that it's nice to treat your kids once in a while... I always ask my daughter if she wants something enough to pay for it herself - this often results in a NO! Sometimes I'll offer to go halves, but if I don't like it or think it unsuitable I make her pay!

If it's quite expensive, there's always the ironing to help her pay back more quickly! My son was more of a problem, didn't like ironing - so he put his hand to peddling his old games, cd's, dvd's etc to pay me back. Either way, they both know the value of money!:T

bennett2kuk

It would depend how old they are to be honest. If they're in their teens and have some form of income or money to hand then I'd get the money back off them just to help them realise the value of money. If it's an adult then of course I'd want repaying unless it were considered a gift.
If you're talking about a 6 year old or something then they're too young to be treated in such a way and if they get something then it's you buying something for them or just tell them no as you don't want to spoil them.

It all depends on the age range you're talking about to be perfectly honest.

missrlr

You will have to weather the storm (strop) on this one. Be firm, she agreed to the terms, you are simply enforcing them. Sadly you have made life difficult for yourself by having a history of forgetfulness, but you are learning now too. First time will be painful, next time not so much. In future how about "do you have your money" before going out the door? Or "no save up and buy it yourself"? When you do offer as a treat to purchase something it will be more special to her.

Hannah_10

Adults have a get it now and pay me back later scheme too, it's called a credit card. By standing firm with her now and changing your ways so in future everything she says she wil repay she does repay, you will be equipping her with better skills to manage money well in adult life.

Cerisa

She absolutely should pay. Do you want her expecting you to bail her out all the time? My partner makes me cringe sometimes - his parents are retired and he still asks them for handouts.

Plus indepedence gives you a wonderful sense of pride and accommplishment. She could have has a cheap one; she's learning that treats don't come free

pennypinchUK

Surely, by the mere act of typing out the question you must know the answer?! Clearly, your daughter needs to learn the harsh realities of money, rather than you giving her handouts all the time. You've done her no favours by being soft in the past.

newkitchenfund

While I agree that in future the young lady needs to be taught the importance of managing her own money, it's a little harsh that she has no pocket money at all for weeks due to paying off the money owed for the hutch. Perhaps negotiating a payment plan over a longer period would be better so that she still has, say, half her usual weekly pocket money to spend.
I also think you need to be clear about what pocket money does and doesn't cover. My 15 year old has managed very well for a year now with a monthly allowance paid directly into her own young person's account, with a debit card. This covers clothes, accessories, haircuts, trips out with friends, cds, birthday gifts for friends etc. She was reluctant to go along with this at first but now enjoys the independence and is cultivating a keen eye for a bargain!

muskrut

We as readers were unavailable when you brought up your daughter, so we have no idea what is the foundation of the relationship or upbringing.

The answer clearly lies within you for this one.

If she is family keep it in the family. There are a thousand and one ways to deal with this and you have all the answers.

It all boils down to love..Open communication...

CountingBeans_2

Of course she should pay you. And until she gets the message, make sure you buy yourself something with said money. You might need some incentives to stick to your guns.