Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?



  • MARGE_2
    MARGE_2 Forumite Posts: 4
    Part of the Furniture First Post Combo Breaker
    All kids need to learn the value of money- and as parents /guardians we have a responsability to ensure this happens, even if to them it seems mean.To allow a child/young person to borrow and then not pay back what they owe- undoes this teaching, so yes i believe we should ensure THEY pay back what THEY borrow.What you should have done is agree an amount/time limit for the pay back, not just taken it, if your bank had done this to you,wouldn't you be angry and upset.In doing this it also places the emphasis on the Young person/Child to pay back and gives them the responsability, and if they don't then you warn them that there will be NO pocket money until its all repaid.Then follow through.
  • Petaldust
    Petaldust Forumite Posts: 49
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    I was brought up never to buy anything unless I had the money for it and it was the most useful thing I ever learned. I still live by it now. You shouldn't have bought the rabbit hutch until your daughter had the money. In future make sure you remind your daughter to take her money out with her, then you won't have to pay for anything on her behalf.
  • ellawaude
    ellawaude Forumite Posts: 17 Forumite
    I was the same when I was younger. BUT what annoyed my Mum was that as soon as I got home would run and get the money, often thrusting it at her before she'd got her shoes off. Sorry Mum!
    Paying half is already very lenient, no bank or credit card will do that when she gets older. I don't recall that happening when I was younger, I would usually have the money at home, but if I didn't I made it very clear that all my money until such a time as it was paid off went straight to the bank of Mum. Borrowing money (until we got home, or for longer) was a privilege not a right, and I was very keen to keep that privilege.
    It taught me a lot. I recall seeing a bicycle advertised at Halfords for £40 so I saved and off we went, but when we got there it became clear that the bicycle I had intended wasn't suitable at all. In the end I came out with one that was nice but left me in about £120 debt to Mum, because it was such a large amount (at the time I think I got £3pw pocket money and I was too young to work) when we got home she worked out a payment plan for me, something like £2 to debt £1 for me, so I could still save and spend money. However, because of the way I felt about debt I actually came up with some creative ways to pay off the debt, and managed it within 2 or 3 weeks. Not bad eh?

    Children need to learn to do what they promise, especially when half is already being paid for them. As mentioned no credit card or bank will. It also makes them more aware of what they spend their money on, if feels she can spend her money four times over before it is collected by you then she is not learning the value of money, and probably not learning to weigh up her options and decide what she wants more (cheap spaghetti with toast, or Heinz spaghetti alone is one I fondly remember).

    :) Just my tuppence worth
  • Scrummymummy_2
    Scrummymummy_2 Forumite Posts: 19 Forumite
    We all like to spoil our kids occasionally, but giving them everything doesn't teach them anything. If they have their own money, why shouldn't they contribute to things they want. I would never expect mine to pay for school shoes etc, but if they want an expensive top or something then they can pay for it themselves.

    I've just made my 13 year old pay £60 for a new bottom brace because he lost his. If I don't make him pay for it, he'll treat this one just as carelessly as the one he lost and next time it'll cost £198 to replace and why should we as parents pay that just because he can't be bothered to take care of it?
  • AmandaDB
    AmandaDB Forumite Posts: 14 Forumite
    I don't understand why you don't make her take her own money when you go shopping instead of conveniently leaving it at home! I'm sure you would make sure she was suitably dressed!
  • A.Jones
    A.Jones Forumite Posts: 508 Forumite
    edited 4 August 2010 at 8:38AM
    I think you are probably too lenient as it is. You should have stuck with the cheaper rabbit hutch.

    > My daughter never takes money out with her

    I don't really understand this part. Surely if you have stopped her pocket money, it is because she doesn't have any money. If she has the money to pay for the rabbit hutch, then she should give it to you now. But as you have stopped pocket money, then surely she doesn't have any. If this is the case, she needs to be taught not to make promises about paying for something when she doesn't have any money. Otherwise I can see credit card debt being a problem later in life.

    What about getting her to do extra chores to earn a little extra pocket money if she needs money to do other leisure activities in addition to looking after her rabbit.
  • minerva_windsong
    minerva_windsong Forumite Posts: 3,808 Forumite
    If she gets pocket money/earns money from a part-time job then she should be paying for what she wants out of that. I was another one who never got subsidised once I was earning pocket money and then working (the exception during the pocket money phase being clothes) - my parents' attitude was, "You can spend your money however you like, but when it's gone it's gone and we won't give you any more." I think that's why even now I won't buy anything on credit and hate owing money.

    I reckon she's only kicking off about this now because you haven't reinforced it before and that it'll calm down when she realises that you're not backing down. Just be firm with her and explain that this is the deal. It might teach her not to make promises she can't keep, or ask you to buy her stuff she can't afford, if nothing else.

    And re: spoiling children, I think there's a difference between giving your kids everything they want and buying/doing something with them occasionally as a treat (I stress doing because, say, going to the pictures could easily fall into that category but they're not actually getting 'stuff'). Just because you're teaching them the value of money doesn't mean you can't be generous too.
    "A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion Lannister
    Married my best friend 1st November 2014
    Loose = the opposite of tight (eg "These trousers feel a little loose")
    Lose = the opposite of find/gain (eg "I'm going to lose weight this year")
  • burntfingers_2
    burntfingers_2 Forumite Posts: 472
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    How can we teach our kids the value of money if they don't pay back what they owe?

    They wouldn't have been able to go into a shop and take it away without paying so why should mums and dads have to always dip into their pockets?

    I learnt the hard way...abusive husband who wanted it all now :mad: hence my signature, never grew up and has never ever learnt the value of money. Drug dealing now funds his expenses!! :eek:
    Total debt £[STRIKE]37864.78 [/STRIKECOLOR=purple][FONT=Arial Narrow][SIZE=1 [/STRIKE][STRIKE] £31681.03[/STRIKE] -[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR]£16700
    Paid off so far.....[STRIKE]£15495.84[/STRIKE]£20364
  • Purple1974
    Purple1974 Forumite Posts: 337 Forumite
    No you shouldn’t be more lenient.

    My parents spoilt me rotten as a child, and even when I left home at 24 I would still ask my Dad for some pennies to bail me out etc.

    At the age of 31 I went through Bankruptcy and am only just now, learning the value of money at 36.

    I wish my parents had been more strict with me and spending as a child, things may have been different today.
  • harrysmith_2
    harrysmith_2 Forumite Posts: 15
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    edited 4 August 2010 at 8:55AM
    My DDs conveniently forget to take their own money shopping. I was always forgetting to ask for money back too. I have now set the older one a budget. You don't have to hand over the money - just keep a running total. That way she definitely knows she's going to have to "pay" for what she buys. It's amazing how the desire to buy the best quality / most expensive thing diminishes when DD knows it's going to come out of her budget. She then has to make decisions / prioritise her purchases which will be an invaluable lesson for later on when she is living independently.

    Don't feel guilty about asking for chores in lieu of extra cash either. You are being a responsible parent by teaching your daughter the life skills she will need to be successful.
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