Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

paulaj1

I agree with the majority of people on here who have said that yes, your daughter should pay for things once that has been agreed. However I think the main thing to remember is consistancy. The reason your daughter is being difficult is that she didn't expect to have to pay based on your previous behaviour. You BOTH have to keep your agreement in order for the system to work. If you are consistent she may well want to buy less as she will expect to pay for it.

joannie

Your daughter should have to pay you back and accept responsibility for her spending otherwise she will carry this bad habit into her adult life and it will cause no end of problems. Better still don't let her borrow from you in the first place. She needs to save up for things she wants.

richardvc

No, don't be lenient - make her pay !

In_Search_Of_Me

Children are canny! If you give in and dont make her pay she will learn the lesson that you dont mean what you say and that will flow into other areas of your family life. She also needs to learn that having a strop wont get her what she wants! An important life lesson! As others have said can you give her extra chores so she pays the money back sooner - double bonus for you as you get help and the money! Children feel safe within boundaries and with consistent parenting so stick with it safe in the knowledge that you are helping her become a well rounded and secure young woman. If you need evidence of what happens when you dont give consistent boundaries just walk round any supermarket and watch how people say one thing and do another and then witness the childrens response! Not good!

bwre002

Its a wider question also about self discipline. If you let your daughter get away without honouring her promises, what message is that giving her?

An occasional one off 'forget' for something small is perhaps forgivable but a deal is a deal and should be followed through on.

2giraffes

meher wrote: »

'course you should be lenient

haven't you heard children learn what they live - if children live with fairness, they learn justice

Being lenient isn't fairness and certainly won't lead to her learning justice. She should pay as she agreed to that beforehand and you need to hold her to that. If you let her off all she'll learn is how to manipulate you, emotional blackmail as someone else said. Justice is getting what you deserve, be that punishment or reward, and in this case it is not being let off the hook! If you want to buy something for your child, fair enough, do that - it is lovely to surprise your children with something (so far mine are all grateful, but they are only little!), but don't go back on an agreement, that will only make you feel used and unappreciated. I think you need to follow through on what you have said, and continue to do that in the future, she'll eventually get the message! It's hard, and I'm sure it only gets harder as they get older, but it will be worth it!

Granma_P_2

This is an all too familiar scenario - and it will continue forever!! Its just the way it goes for children(and it doesnt matter what age!)- but it doesnt mean you have to let them get away with it. I always try to remember to make my children pay - promises mean absolutely nothing if they are continually broken. But, it is nice sometimes to give them something back - maybe a treat or wipe off the last couple of pounds. I think that this is a way of making both sides relatively happy!:beer:

LIDLUMS

NO WAY!!!!!!!!!
When you're shopping with your daughter, make sure she has money with her, if not, tell her before going out that you will not be buying her any treats. THEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS.
Once she has stopped behaving like a spoilt child and realises that you can no longer be manipulated, hopefully she might realise that the way to get anything is to save up for it.
Good luck

donmega85

The more you just give away, the less she will appreciate things, but rather 'expect' them.

I used to have to do chores, which would earn me some pocket money. If I was saving for something big, my parents would say that once I had earned £x, they would match it. This gave me an incentive to do my bit around the house, and taught me how to save money (Rather than them buying it, and me doing chores in return). I would hardly call my parents 'tight' for doing this as they would contribute to what I was buying, providing I did my chores first.

That way I never just expected or demanded anything. Too often I see kids screaming and shouting their demands until the parents give in to the emotional blackmail. If this happens the child will then learn that they can do this any time to get what they want.

Also, what happens at Christmas or Birthdays when it is time to treat and spoil your loved ones?? 1 - the child will have most of the things that they wanted already, leaving you struggling to find presents, and 2 - once you do find something, it is highly likely they won't appreciate it as much as they know they will be getting other presents all year round anyway...

HALIBERT

I have a son who I spoilt by paying for things that he never payed back for. It got worse. When he was older he had mobile phones ( before either of us) and bills of £200+ a month. He expected me to get him out of everything. I once said "One day you will do something I can't get you out of". He is now in a nursing home with no hope of recovery.

Stick to your guns.
The strops get worse as they get older and bigger.
I sometime wonder if I had not given in would things have turned out differently