Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

Augustus_the_Strong

If she doesn't take her money with her when she's shopping, don't sub her - she can wait till next time. Don't encourage her to get into the habit of spending money she hasn't got - not helpful in the long run.

Jesthar

In agreement with the majority here - you definitely need to stick to your guns and make her pay what she has agreed to pay. You don't have to stop ALL her pocket money if you really feel you can't, but you should withold at least half of it until her debts are paid back - and you may as well call them debts to her face, because that's what they are. Personally I'd start with the rabbit hutch price, but also tell her that every time she complains about it, the price of a previously non-repaid purchase gets added to the total she owes.

She also definitely needs to take her own money with her to buy things when you go out shopping from now on.

I didn't get any pocket money until I was 13, my parents bought things for me, and I knew when they said 'No' they meant it! And they'd usually try and explain why too.

That meant when I did get pocket money, I already knew about not buying things unless I could afford it, and saving up for things I did want - and I was expected to do so! I didn't get an enormous amount of pocket money, so clothes and other large things were still bought for me (under the previous rules) or I got them as Christmas/birthday presents, but I always took my own money shopping and had a jar I saved in. I quickly learned the more I saved, the more money was available when I did *really* want something!

Then when I got a job and opened a bank account, one of the first things I bought was a notebook in which to write down everything I spent an what it was on. I still do that today, albeit with a spreadsheet, and it is one of the main reasons I can afford to overpay on my mortgage by a significant amount each month.

Put simply, I grew up knowing the value of money. At the moment your daughter hasn't learned that, and that's a potential recipe for disaster. She's also got used to making promises without intending to keep them, which is another dangerous habit. It's hard, but putting your foot down now will likely save her from a lot of heartache and worry later in life.

~Jes

zmt

Definitely make her pay- she is obviously trying to play you by nt taking her money with her and then making false promises.

antonia1

Petaldust wrote: »

I was brought up never to buy anything unless I had the money for it and it was the most useful thing I ever learned. I still live by it now. You shouldn't have bought the rabbit hutch until your daughter had the money. In future make sure you remind your daughter to take her money out with her, then you won't have to pay for anything on her behalf.

There is a place for buying stuff on credit though as well. If the rabbit needed a new hutch then buying it on credit is acceptable (because not providing suitable shelter for your pets is illegal). It is important to teach children all their responsibilities, not just money.

To answer the original question, yes do stick to your guns. Give her some wiggle room though - more chores to pay the debt off quicker as in the real world there is the possibility of getting an extra job to earn more money.

borkid

We have always made our 2 pay back if they have borrowed money from us that doesn't mean they haven't been spoilt. If they have seen something they like we often offer them the money to buy it, pick up the bill in restaurants etc. We lent my son some of the deposit on his house ( we'd given him the deposit on his first house as we did with our daughter), we gave him 6 months for his bills to settle down then expected a payment each month. He has occasionally asked to be let off one month but he then pays more over the following months. He has nearly finished repaying us and will be on schedule. In the past he has lent us money to buy a car, again we repaid when we promised. All the transactions were 0% interest.
Both children know they can turn to us if they need help but also realise that loans must be paid back.

Molely

How much is this going to cost you in the long run? All the false promises of paying it back, what is that telling your daughter? It's ok to borrow money, you don't have to pay it back? Two words CREDIT CRUNCH!!

My son of 13 regularly complains of having to pay money back even to the last pound, he'll never thank me for it, but it'll be worth it when he's older and learnt a valuable lesson - will his mother follow suit and make him pay her back too? They both seem to have forgotten the £1200 for his 2012 American skiing trip we're paying for at the moment, especially when I ask him to do something simple like wash the dishes!! The solution is simple, I simply let him no that I will cancel the trip, get my money back and I'll wash the dishes ;-)

The value of money can never be learned too early!!

Ambersuccubus

You could also use this as an opportunity to highlight the importance of sensible repayment on necessary debt. The hutch was needed, and she made a deal...fair enough, life's like that. Now she's defaulting, there should be both interest, and no further loans in future due to her "bad credit rating" - for a while at least.
I did this to my son a couple of years ago, and he's now spot on about paying loans, thinks about borrowing/repaying carefully even over the short term, and is begining to realise the value of careful comparison shopping. He's 12.

*M*_2

Wow - there are some wild links being made in this thread! I doubt that a child being let off paying for a rabbit hutch is really going to lead to teenage pregnancy, thousands of pounds in debt or a drug dealing!!! Also some seriously harsh parents out there. I mean, what's wrong with the occassional treat?

That said, I do think you should stick to your guns in this instance as that was the arrangement with your daughter. I completely agree with the person that said it's important to be consistent and if you keep forgetting or letting her off she'll just think you're a pushover. If you do feel really mean stopping all pocket money then maybe halve it until the debt is repaid as other people have suggested. Don't worry too much about the stropping - she'll get over it and if it wasn't that it would probably be something else. That's what kids do isn't it? *wink*

I also disagree with the comments that being as strict as possible with money necessarily helps children learn financial responsibility. My Bank of Dad was literally that - a wired lined notebook with additions and subtractions, interest earnt on accumulation and interest paid on overdraft. From about the age of 6 if I even wanted a book to read it came out of my 20p a week and even then I'd have to justify why I wanted money when I did. I worked from the age of 14 and did extra chores to earn money so that I could have more choice about what I spent it on, often to the detriment of my schoolwork, and as soon as I got my first credit card it was such a wonderful sense of freedom to be able to buy things that I wanted without having to battle for them that I ended up getting into debt anyway (which, understandably, was a huge disappointment for my father). I'm not saying this as an argument to spoil your children rotten but just to offer a different perspective on things... that kind of thing can backfire. It also caused a lot of tension between me and my dad when I was growing up because he did feel more like my bank manager a lot of the time.

Seakay

I don't think that it's just a question of her learning the value of money and that you are not a free cashpoint - she also needs to know that you always keep your word. If you keep on saying one thing and doing another then how can she know that you mean what you say about anything at all?

lindsayg_2

meher wrote: »

'course you should be lenient

haven't you heard children learn what they live - if children live with fairness, they learn justice

Yes, but is it fair to pay what you promised to pay. So being lenient is NOT teaching fairness and justice, it's teaching cheating and lying.

My folks tend to bail me out a lot, and while I'm very grateful, I also have an expectation that they'll bail me out. I have learned the lesson and won't be teaching my own son the same - he'll have to pick up the basics of budgeting that I didn't !!