Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

Talent

They are your children. They deserve to be spoilt. They deserve to have everything on a plate and the more you give them now the less there will be when you kick the bucket, which could be sooner than later if you're penniless!

Talent

Further thoughts. You know how good it feels when you do or buy something for your children.
It's a bit like going out with a pocketful of brass and just knowing you're going to spend it.
What? You never do that? Shame, you're missing one of the great feelings of being alive.... ALIVE.
I feel sorry for the skinflints.

camaj

Talent wrote: »

They are your children. They deserve to be spoilt.

That's not a good thing though. It seems more and more people are using spoilt as a synonym for pampered or loved. It's spoilt for a reason, if you treat your kids like that you will literally spoil them.

Your children deserve to be loved but loving them is doing what's best for them. If they don't learn to be responsible for their money (and their decisions) then it will probably come back to bite them when they're older.

Daughter is in a strop, but it's a form of emotional blackmail. Either that or she's already spoilt. Giving in will just make the problem worse.

LOUY_2

She must learn to pay her way. No point spoiling her now. Making her keep to her agreement and paying off her debt needs to be taught whilst she is still young.

Parents paying for their kids purchases should be viewed as buying on credit - like on a credit card. Buy now - Pay Later. They must learn the Pay Later is vital and can not be missed.

I am a big believer in teaching these things from a young age. When I have kids, and I give them pocket money, I plan to charge them income tax.

Skeenfleent

I was spoilt somewhat as a child (I also went through a lot of external abuse so maybe my parents felt sorry for me or whatever). My parents didn't start out like that, but if you give a child the easy option, well, they're a child, they will likely take it!

It turns out that I didn't naturally learn the true value of money as well as I could have.

Now I know (having worked in a cheese-packing plant, on bars, manual labour, you learn well enough).

However, I see my young cousin, who's 15, an only child and getting spoilt. Blatantly not looking after a lot of his stuff. Easy-come, easy-go. He breaks things far too easily (maybe on purpose, in a teenage tantrum, but I have no clue and it makes no difference).

This fellow is in for a big shock if he doesn't stroll out of university into a well-paid job - and it looks like that's going to be even harder, not easier come six years time.

So if I were you, I'd do your child a favour to make sure they learn now how it is for adults - you must keep your financial promises. Whatever the earache now, they might just thank you for it in the future.

popsicat

no - it was a big purchase and she struck a deal
if not this time then when...stick it out this time so you can negotiate properly next time she wants something large
If the money was large I let my daughter work it off as well - I hate ironing!!!!

yorkie18

You should definitely make your daughter pay her way. If you tell her she has to pay the money back, and then back down, she may well think this will always be the case whenever she owes you money.

Personally, I never had pocket money as a child and I really do think it's helped me learn the real value of money today.

Stick to your guns, I'm sure she will think back and thank you for it when she's older, just like I do now with my parents.

lynn_m21

My mum always used to match what i saved for big purchases, like my first car.

I am so grateful to her for this common sense approach, as I always appreciate what I got, having paid for half of it. But my mum was there helping me out and supporting me. Plus it seems to have helped me avoid getting loads of credit cards - Mum set the example of saving for what you want too.

I have a school friend, who I'm still in touch with, whose parents bought her first car outright, lent her money all the time but never made her repay it. She's an ex-bankrupt now, at 36 her parents have just bailed her out for at least the 5th time to the tune of thousands of pounds. She threatens suicide and they cave in and help her. Even though they are retired and spending their nest egg. What will she do when they are gone? When will she grow up? Her parents are lovely people, they have bailed her out because they love her, but they've done her a major disservice, and not brought her up to be a responsible, capable adult. I feel sorry for her and will not make the same mistake with my children.

glynndad

What ever happened to saving up for something BEFORE you PURCHASE It ??

sotrwuh

We need to teach our children how to deal with money and to 'pay their way' in life. If she wants something she must pay for it, even if it means waiting and saving for it, you do her no favours - she knows what she's doing and you're falling for it!! Stop now!