Money Moral Dilemma: Should I make my daughter pay for it?

kentishexile

Of course she should pay, she offered to pay half, she should learn to stand by her word. It's all too easy for kids to "accidentally" forget that they owe a parent money, how are they going to learn about money management otherwise? I make my own son work for his money, that way he correlates work with earning a wage, otherwise it's just a handout for him and has no value. He knows if he wants to buy something badly enough, just how many chimeys he has to crawl up and clean in order to earn his money. It's getting harder all the time to find work, especially with all this namby-pamby non-fossil fuel burning environmental stuff going on, and since they closed down the local workhouse with the public sector cuts he's seen a drop in his wages. Still I'm sure by the time he gets to primary school he'll have amassed enough money to buy his own school uniform and shoes!

Gaoler_2

Of course your daughter should honour her agreement with you!
In the past I taught my children that I couldn't give them everything they wanted but they turned to their father (my ex-husband) who didn't show any boundaries and got what they wanted!
I now do not have a relationship with my children.

kerri_gt

Its nice to treat kids at times and i would say that letting her off the odd cheaper thing (a magazine, a new top etc) as a treat won't turn her into a spendaholic, but for something that is more expensive I think she should be made to pay for 1/2 as she agreed (chances are that she thought she would be let off but thought by offering to pay half, it was a good way to get the expensive hutch she liked - otherwise she'd have prob chosen a cheaper one...)

Not only will this help teach the value of money, but the value of the item purchased. No doubt she has some responsibility for the rabbit so being made to extend this responsibility to the overall well being and care of the rabbit is part and parcel of life - we have a cat, not only do I have to look after it, I have financial responsibility too in buying her food, paying for vet bills etc.

RuthnJasper

Not sure how old the child is (if she is only about 5, she won't have any concept about money, probably). However, this sort of lesson is best learned young and she needs to be told, as gently as possible, that if she agrees to help someone or put money towards something then she needs to act on her promises.

I would liken it to my saying to the child "If you keep your room tidy and do the washing-up after dinner for one month, then I will take you to Disneyland-Paris as a treat." Suppose she complies with the request eagerly for one month, only for me to then say "No way am I taking you to Disneyland! I don't want to go, why should you?!" Different issues in fact - but the same principle. Maybe explaining it to her (kindly and patiently) in these terms might help her to understand the other side of the matter.

If she makes a bargain with you then she needs to understand that she must follow through on her promises - both for financial reasons and for respect towards her mother.

Good luck. x

dave2

The fact that she's in a strop when you're clearly just sticking to an agreement means there's a problem developing that you need to nip in the bud.

I do agree with some other posters though that you're being inconsistent so even though you're in the right I think it's fair to be willing to negotiate e.g. keeping back only half pocket money until it's paid off.

I also strongly agree with the suggestions that things should be saved up for before buying, not after. Firstly this is just a much better lesson for life generally, and secondly I'm sure there's some psychology saying it's easier to sacrifice in anticipation of reward than it is to get the reward then have to pay for it. I remember my car HP repayments, just felt like lost money, an expense with no additional benefit over what I already had - in fact my student loan repayments still do. Yet I'm always pleased when I'm transferring money into my savings account!

For larger items agreeing to match the kids' own savings is great IMHO. This really makes saving feel worth it: when you have a job you can save quite relatively lots to buy something significant quite quickly and with relatively little pain month-to-month. For a kid, saving half the pocket money is a huge hit on their month-to-month yet the savings still look pitiful. By agreeing to match the savings the goal looks doable.

I don't have any problems with treats, the problem is when they start to think of them as an entitlement.

kerri_gt

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Not sure how old the child is (if she is only about 5, she won't have any concept about money, probably).

I first started receiving pocket money when I was five - I still remember my parents telling me I was going to get pocket money as they both collected me in the car from school - a real treat in those days as my dad was rarely home from work at that time.

I was given 20p a week (eeeek! showing my age) and went to the newsagents in town with my dad each week. I had a choice, I could either buy 1 packet of stickers, or some sweets, but didn't have enough for both.

On occasion my dad would treat me and buy me the item I hadn't chosen but never before I had made a choice and was handing my money over. And I NEVER expected, or whinged to get the extra treat - I understood it was just that.

A 5yr old can understand the concept of money - after all, how many pre-school kids do you see playing shop with pretend money. Its the concept they have though that is handed down from parents.

Karkey

You should stick to your guns and be more methodical about making sure you are repaid any money that is due to you.

I pay my three children pocket money in exchange for a particular job being done each week (ironing, hoovering and laying the table) if they don't do their job they don't get paid. I keep a note of it in a little book and make any note of any deductions for cash given directly to them or any such things like your example of the rabbit hutch. I only pay the money into their bank account once a month or so and sometimes it can be a small amount as they have had a few cash advances or a large amount if nothing has been given.

This all works on trust, my children trust that I will pay them what they are owed and I make a note of it all so I can keep a clear mind especially when it is for 3 different amounts of pocket money it can be quite confusing. I find my daughter will try to wheedle more out of me than the boys do, not sure if this is a girl thing .....

Doing it this way makes you feel like you are not just a bottomless pit dishing out money left, right and centre.

schmeln

She should most definitely be made to pay up! She may be stropping this time, but if you are consistent with what you say to her, and what you expect from her, her strops will get less everytime.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm a bit mean, but I make my 6yr old pay for anything 'extra' that she wants me to buy when we're out. The way I see it, if she wants it that badly, she should be willing to spend her money on it. She also pays for her own after-school sports club at £1 a week! She enjoys doing it because she feels she's earnt it, and she gets to spend her money on what she wants.

Start as you mean to go on! I spoil my daughter with nice clothes, and nice things, but if she wants to buy tat, she pays for it herself!

x

mdr86

She should repay.
My sister and I had weekly pocket money, and we had a chart with the amount of pocket money that week (which varied (in a fair way!) depending on what we did!), anything we owed, and a total. That worked fine, and was fair - and if you have somewhere specific to write things immediately it'll help to not forget!

canderel1

Children need to understand the value of money. It doesn't come from trees - we earn it. They can't just have things because they want them... they have to earn them too....

My 10 year old never takes money out with him (unless it's a specific trip where we're expecting to get something). He knows that if he wants something... he can only have it if he's saved enough money up from his pocket money and any other money he's earnt. For expensive things (more than a tenner) I always tell him to think about it - does he really need/want it? If so we'll get it next week when he's got his money on him... Smaller items he pays me back as soon as we get home!

Money is earnt from good behaviour, help around the house and remembering to bring home ALL his school stuff (as this is cheaper than paying for all the previous replacement items - PE kit, lunchboxes etc etc.). He is also fined for forgetting things at school and bad behaviour!

The only exceptions I have ever made to this were a couple of items which he'd wanted for ages and were at silly prices in the sale. I offered to buy these on his behalf we agreed that he'd paid me back in stages as he earned the money. He was desperate to get straight with me ASAP and I had a lot of help around the house for several weeks!!!! I think this is lesson learnt, but I guess I'll see as he gets older!