would you have a baby without any family support at all around?

robin_banks

My folks live 150 miles and are no use, if we lived next door to my folks they'd be no clucking use either. They're just not that interested.

lynn2

I had no family around for all three of my children due to living abroad as my husband was in the Army. It was no problem at all and I coped and my husband coped. I didn't feel the need for any help anyway. We wanted children, so we just got on with it.

Chakani

We are an hour away from inlaws and 5 hours from my family. It sometimes feels hard that we can never go out because there is no-one to have DS, but even if we lived nearby, I would never have expected either set of grandparents to become frequent babysitters - they have done their childrearing, and time they spend with their grandchildren now should be for enjoyment, not so that I can do what I want.

The reality of work means we have to live where we do, and no, it has not stopped us having children. We use Skype a lot, and visit when we can, and DS has a very good relationship with all his grandparents. I miss my mum, and would love to be nearer to her, but would find it odd that anyone would expect me to put my own family on hold because of it.

lucylucky

My parents lived less than 4 miles away.

The in laws lived about 150 miles away. It was easier to get the In Laws involved than it was my parents.

red_devil

Chakani wrote: »

We are an hour away from inlaws and 5 hours from my family. It sometimes feels hard that we can never go out because there is no-one to have DS, but even if we lived nearby, I would never have expected either set of grandparents to become frequent babysitters - they have done their childrearing, and time they spend with their grandchildren now should be for enjoyment, not so that I can do what I want.

The reality of work means we have to live where we do, and no, it has not stopped us having children. We use Skype a lot, and visit when we can, and DS has a very good relationship with all his grandparents. I miss my mum, and would love to be nearer to her, but would find it odd that anyone would expect me to put my own family on hold because of it.

you do have family around. I was saying with no family at all.

balletshoes

red_devil wrote: »

Just curious when people say they will move nearer their family when they have children for support whether anyone has done it with no family around at all to help and support?

How important is it to have family around and would it stop you if you didnt have anyone at all and you wanted a baby??

I think everyone will have their own opinion/experience of this, and its going to depend on how close you are to your family anyway (in terms of emotional support etc).

Personally, from my experience, I didn't have my OH to rely on for practical support for most of the first 2 years of my daughters life, and I would have really struggled without the support of my parents and my siblings. I have a great relationship with all of my family really, I am really grateful for the help they provided, and I have no doubt those first couple of years would have been much much harder to cope with without their help and support.

I now live 350 miles from most of my family, but if anything happened between OH and I that meant we weren't living together anymore, I would consider moving back "home" to where my family are, as I would have no real support system here.

polkadot

I moved here from South Africa to join my husband when my son was a year old. My brother lived here but I had no contact with him, he met my son on his second birthday and we have just recently started to rebuild our relationship with him.

I am having my second baby in about two weeks time. My dad and stepmum are arriving next week (First time Ive seen them since June 2007)-but only because DS1 is on summer holidays and Im having a c-section, so I expect to spend a few days in hospital.They are going home mid September.

It's not been easy raising DS "alone" and despite the numerous photo's around the house he still doesnt know who's who in the world of rellies (but he does know their voices).

Being here has allowed me to give him so many things that he wouldnt have had in SA,like me being able to stay at home because we actually CAN manage on just one income. For his first year he was at day care from 6am to 6pm (from 3 weeks old). He still knows that Nana loves him-even if he doesnt get to cuddle her every day.

Chakani

red_devil wrote: »

you do have family around. I was saying with no family at all.

You said with no family around, and in the context of moving closer to family, I apologise if my reply was not what you were looking for :silenced:

smartie12

No family whatsoever when I had DS at 17.

No family whatsoever this time round as well, apart from hubby and DS. It never stopped us deciding to have a baby knowing we had no family. I'm sure we'll cope... just like I did last time

JBD

When my 1st child was born we lived quite near my inlaws so did see them quite a bit. It was more company than support as my MIL wasn't really into babysitting but was still very nice. We moved away for 2nd and 3rd [had already moved away from where my Mum lived] so didn't really get any family support. My Mum did used to visit now and again, Sadly my parents and MIL are all dead now and my FIL is not in the best of health so really I feel sadder for my children not to have their Grandparents.
I did more or less bring all my children up with very little support [even from their Dad] and I think I have done quite a good job. My eldest is 21 and he is happy and successful and I hope my other 2 will be fine as well.
I think I coped because I had to. I didn't allow myself to panic or feel defeatist. I'm not the sort of Mum who spends her time in the pub either [although I have been single for a long time] and I think that makes a big difference.