would you have a baby without any family support at all around?

red_devil

Just curious when people say they will move nearer their family when they have children for support whether anyone has done it with no family around at all to help and support?

How important is it to have family around and would it stop you if you didnt have anyone at all and you wanted a baby??

melancholly

i know plenty of people who have lived in different countries to their family and have had kids and coped! i'm sure they'd really like the help, but life doesn't always allow you the luxury of a perfect situation!

brians_daughter

for me it was very important! I lived 300 miles away from my family when i had ds1 and even thought i was determined to stay where i was.... it took all of 13 weeks for me to put my house up for sale and request a transfare at work!

I couldnt imagine having children and not having my family close by. Not for selfish reasons ie babysitting when we fancy a night out etc but also for the fact that i come from a large family and aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins were a massive part of our lives when we were growing up and i wanted my children to experience the same family closeness...... plus, if i hadnt have moved back to my home town my mum and dad were threatening to come down every weekend to visit...now i couldnt have coped with putting them up every weekend!!

It wouldnt have stopped me having ds1 if i had no family close by.. maybe ds2 as well, but ds3 and bump probably wouldnt be here if i had limited/no family support!

I also think that if you have lived away for a long time some ppl dont see their hometown as 'home', so it doesnt enter their head to return 'home'.

DaisyFlower

I lost my mum and dad whilst I was a child and MIL/FIL have very little interest in family so yes it didnt stop us.

A child needs a loving mum and dad, anything extra like good friends, cousins etc is purely a bonus.

I think it depends on what you expect from family, if you expect free childcare/help then obviously you need to be close. If just a good relationship it can be done through visits and technology nowadays is great so very easy to keep in touch.

robpw2

DaisyFlower wrote: »

I lost my mum and dad whilst I was a child and MIL/FIL have very little interest in family so yes it didnt stop us.

A child needs a loving parent/s, anything extra like good friends, cousins etc is purely a bonus.

I think it depends on what you expect from family, if you expect free childcare/help then obviously you need to be close. If just a good relationship it can be done through visits and technology nowadays is great so very easy to keep in touch.

sorry but many brilliant single parents and also same sex parents

Bunny

I'm sure many people have done it, I feel lucky that at the moment I still live near my parents and I know they'll definately be more of a help than a hinderance. I know that I'll have a lot of support once flump gets here, so it saves me worrying as much about being a mum, because my mum is 10 mins away, she can come up and help me when I need it.
I know a couple of people have done it and they're fine, each to their own I think.
We all know our own families and to whether they'd be helpful and supportive or more intrusive and trying to take over..

Oldernotwiser

As long as I had my husband, that would be all the family support I would need.

red_devil

i think there is a difference between not having family locally and not having any at all?

red_devil

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

As long as I had my husband, that would be all the family support I would need.

really thats a nice thing to say?

Do you have family around?

Oldernotwiser

red_devil wrote: »

really thats a nice thing to say?

Do you have family around?

Absolutely none - anywhere.

Counting_Pennies_2

It is definitely a bonus to be near helpful family.

Unfortunately that isn't possible for me. It was fine for the first child. I joined the NCT and was lucky to meet some lovely people during the classes and we met without fail every week for 4 years running. We then drifted sadly as each had second babies at different times and it wasn't as easy to meet up regularly, but they were a fantastic basis for sharing advice and watching the children grow together.

When my second arrived I struggled a lot, suddenly I didn't have my regular NCT friends for support, and I got postnatal depression and I was terribly lonely, still am if I am honest 3 years on. So if I had a good family support I think the last three years would have been much easier.

I have begged my husband for support, and in the latter months he was of some use, but his work is very demanding, so we dug deep and employed a Doula for a while to help me, and Homestart kindly offered a volunteer to help two hours a week.

So in answer to your question, it is possible to do it without family, a good many people do, but people have different coping thresholds, so you need to see if you can get a good network of friends around you, be open to meeting new people as the stages of life go on, and dig deep both emotionally and financially if things get tough.

hth