would you have a baby without any family support at all around?

daphne_descends

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Stargirl12

I think if a child grows up with thier family being mum/dad any brothers and sisters that might appear later on, then that is what family is to them. I think families can be a blessing or a curse - but good friends are key to your sanity when you have kids.

You may not have a good set of friends when you first get pregnant - you can be sure that by the time you have done ante natal/NCT classes and then the mother and baby groups you will find yourself with a few really good close friends that you can honestly open up to and share all your highs and lows! they are a very valuable support network.

In tems of presents and all the material aspects...i think some kids are far too spoilt with presents. Yes haveing family that might buy lots of things can help (i know of some that really don't buy anything!), but my son is never happier at 13 months than when he's playing with the remote control or old plastic marg tubs! Love and attention are the most important thing that you can give to a child!

brians_daughter

no1catman wrote: »

Besides, isn't it presumptions to assume the 'family' will be there at all times, when you need!?
We have a neighbour who has just given birth, but it's as if she can't cope on her own, or her parents don't trust her to. They invariably come to visit her - often three times a day - !!!!!!. What did they forget to do or say the first time, let alone the second!? And when they don't come, it because she, OH & baby go to the parents first!
Why are they so incapable of just getting on with it?

What makes it worse, is that they hijack our front verge to park on!

Goodness, you sound quite against this womans family visiting! Or is it soley the parking issue?

When i had ds3 my parents and in laws visited twice a day each for a few reasons! They wanted to support us, they wanted to bond with the baby, they wanted to assist with the kids/dog/housework there was no-one telling them they had to.

We are a close family and thats just what we all do.

The favour is returned, such days like today when my mum is backwards and forwards visiting dad in hospital whilst juggling work as well. I have already been to mums twice, once to drop off bread and milk and then i dropped the kids off where they were going and went back to do the ironing and sort dads clothes out. Later i will be going back drop her tea off then she has a hot meal when she gets back,and i will call in when i have been to the hospital myself later just for a chat and to ensure shes ok! So i will have been to Mums house 4 times today, and tbh if her neighbour thought as you do i would have something to say about it if they said it to my face! TBH i am at mums twice a day anyway...because shes my mum and i love her and its nice to talk to her!


As for 'isn't it presumptions to assume the 'family' will be there at all times, when you need!?'

For us it isnt.... its just how some families are, i am proud my family will support each other crisis or no crisis. Obviously your ldeals are different to mine, but thats life! I would drop what i was doing at the drop of a hat if my parents/siblings/grandparents/aunts/unlces/cousins needed me and i know they would, and have done the same for us... to us thats what being a family is about... being there for each other, not only through the sh*t but through the fun stuff as well

clairelou44

All mine and my husbands family live 100 miles away - we moved away a few years ago for work. We now have a little girl who is 20 months and a second baby due in December, although it can be hard to find a babysitter I would never let it stop me having kids - we give my little girl all the love that she needs and we have a few friends that she sees regular. Ideally I would love for my Mum and Dad to see my daughter everyweek but it just isnt possible.

pigpen

The support is often not there even when the family are anyway.. I think it is more important to feel you can pick up te phone and ask omeone to come help and if they can they will.. i woud have to strangle anyone who tried taking over or interfereing.

I have been incredibly ill after a couple of my brood and when I needed someone to get the mw off my back my mother left work and came to rescue me!!

red_devil

i remember when take a break magazine had a feature on adopt a granny where you can match grandparents and grandkids i dont know many details about it though.

I had two grannies growing up lived quite near. My oh didnt really know his as they were travelling around in the army?

Plans_all_plans

If I had NO family around at all, I think I would have as big a family as I possibly could as family is very important to me (my husband doesn't want lots of children though, so this is purely what I'd do if I could). I am from a large extended family myself though so if I'd never had a big family I might not feel the same, but I couldn't imagine having no family so would be working hard on producing one!

radiohelen

I think if you want a baby then considerations other than health aren't going to stop you. It is clucking hard though!
You can have all the friends in the world but once you shut the door at night then you are on your own. No-one is going to help like family helps (if they aren't completely rubbish). No-one is going to take your tearful, angry rantings like your mum when you are at the end of your rope. If your other half is a sweetheart helper then that's great - I just reckon it's better if you have family around and if they aren't close by then reckon on it being harder than anything you have ever done.
We have good friends - we have been out together two or three times in two years.

brians_daughter

radiohelen wrote: »

I think if you want a baby then considerations other than health aren't going to stop you. .

Good point Helen.

I must point out that for us having more children was a family decision (inc grandparents)..... I suffer from premature onset of arthiritis and whilst 90% of the time i am great i know post birth i will suffer for 4 - 6 weeks until my meds kick in again.

So for us, we needed to discuss our plans with our parents and ensure we had their support in the month or 2 immediately prior to birth. If we didnt have their support then we wouldnt be having number 4 as the chances are i wouldnt be able to cope with 3 and a newborn immediately after birth 24/7

duchy

Another viewpoint-I know a woman whose daughter and SIL moved back to their hometown after the baby was born and expected her to be on call 24/7. Cancel her plans if they needed her , babysit and childmind several days a week-when they announced their plans for number 2 and made it clear they expectd her to be unpaid nanny, housekeeper at their beck and call for this (and other future kids too).........she'd had enough. She moved to another part of the country !

(Yes I know she should have just said no to them -but she didn't feel she could)