In a massive mess

otb666

when i think what was spent on my children when they were younger i realise now they did not need new toys-my twin is much more moneywise and buys her children second hand at a fraction of the prise-

dorisday

My only advice to you is try and keep your budget as tights as you can something that makes you fell comfortable with but not something that is making someone else rich, which is exactly what your spending is doing. You want to make YOU and your family rich! The more you save the easier life will be in the future.
Life has a uncanny nack of giving us some enormous knocks now and then and its the time we beging to think - what if I hadnt spent all this money etc - but its too late.
£8000 saved is good but its a tiny drop in the ocean if things go wrong.
Im 63 now and spent loads of money on things as you are doing. My best friend didnt spend like me ( still had a great life) she saved a % of her money and now can spend like I used to, holidays 6 times a years, can buy a car for cash and generally has a very relaxing lifestyle. I have to work and will have to work until I die. I WISH I had been more like her BUT ITS TOO LATE.
And dont forget things do change whether it be for the better or worse. Your future is in your hands.

barbiedoll

Hi Roxie. I know what it's like to have a free-spending OH, mine was the same! Our income and budget was much less than yours and we got by with cheap clothes, small food budget etc, etc but my husband and his credit card together were a complete nightmare. I remember when the Wii came out and I managed to convince OH and DS that we didn't really need one as we already had a PS2 and a Nintendo DS. Yet he still came home one Saturday afternoon, £400 lighter and with a bag full of boxes, controllers, games and so on. I used to feel like the bad guy, always having to say "no, we can't afford it" and having arguments in shops when he was checking out laptops and digital cameras that we absolutely "had" to have :mad: His attitude was always that we were both earning so we could afford the CC repayments. Which was fine until he lost his job unexpectedly.

I had to sit him down and, after the excellent advice on here, did a SOA and showed him exactly where the money was going. All those meals in the burger joint when we were out shopping, all the Friday night pizzas, all the dvd purchases and so on, had to stop. To be fair, once he had seen the figures, he did take the whole MSE thing on board and we're now in a DMP and budgeting hard to pay off our debts. I do blame myself for letting it get this far, I should have been stronger at the time, but he takes his share of the blame and has been good about cutting back, and he's even started saving, something which he has never done before :T

Have a chat with OH, maybe get the kids out of the way and show him the figures in black and white. Let him know that you and the kids are cutting back but that you expect him to do his bit too. Just because he earns the bulk of the wage, doesn't mean he can spend the bulk of the money, you both have to pay for the house, the bills and the kids. You can do this, it takes a bit of practice but it can be done and you're right to nip it the bud now. Good luck and keep us posted!

Ps: Been there and done that with the camping stuff...shed full of gear, used twice :mad: Could have gone to the Caribbean with the money we spent on a tent!

kingfisherblue

A lot has been said already, so I won't add too much, but there are a couple of points I would like to make.

First, apart from DDs, try paying cash for everything. Don't take your card out shopping with you. It really does make you stop and think before buying.

Secondly, kids activities. If they only do swimming, football and cubs, why is it £200 a month? My two sons are in cubs - a cost of £2 a week each. Very few units charge more than £3 a week, as leaders are volunteers. If it is more, ask the Group Scout Leader why other units manage to charge much less. Uniform lasts for about two years if you buy it slightly too big to start with. A sweatshirt, polo shirt and necker comes to about £30-£35 in total.

Swimming in my area is about £14 for six lessons (local council) - one lesson a week. Entrance to the swimming pool at other times is £1.60 per child, double this for adult entry.

Football costs vary, but many teams are run by volunteers and this keeps costs down. In my area, it is about £2 per child, plus an annual fee of £10 to pay for certificates, trophies, etc.

Bearing in mind that the baby won't yet be attending cubs or football, but may go to Mother and Toddler groups (about £1.50-£3 per session near me - churches seem to be cheapest), I can't see how children's activities can cost £200 a month.

kaz0705

Hi Roxie,

Don't be too down- you've caught this early and it's very fixable!

I guess my 2 pence would be have you OH have his own bank account where 'spending money' is placed each month (after you've done your MSE to shopping etc so assuming there is money left over!). That way he can attempt to be responsible for himself and can choose to buy whichever gadgets he wants. You could also have a separate one and, maybe, another one (all opened through topcashback or something!) for 'joint' spending?

Also, shopping online is a good way to keep track of your spending, especially for all your store cupboard stuff (then Lidls for fruit/veg) and pound shops for cleaning products (all branded! I only found this out last weekend!).

Finally, maybe offer to do more entertaining at home? Saves on babysitters, taxis, massive restaurant mark ups and your friends will probably appreciate the chance to avoid spending. The money you save could mean that you don't even need to cook and can have a take away instead!

Best of luck!

x

t4mof

Just a thought on the school uniform - can you buy jumpers/tops a bit bigger than they need?? I did this 2 years ago when my eldest started junior school. He's got through Years 3 & 4 and will probably get most of the way through Year 5 as well with the same uniform. And when he finishes Year 5, my youngest will be starting the same school in Year 3 so if they still have wear in them, I will hopefully get a couple more years out of it too. Those 3 polo shirts and 3 jumpers might have been an expense at the time but they will certainly have been value for money.

museumworker

Hi Roxie - well done for posting, sounds like you've had your lightbulb moment and are taking your first steps as a DFW.

Regarding your budget, as interest rates are predicted to rise by the end of the year, can you work out what impact that will have on your mortgage payments? That way, if you know you might have to find an extra £200-300 per month (or more?? I am not very good at maths!) you might be inclined to make further changes now so that you know you can cope with increased mortgage repayments.

Have you signed up for any challenges? I do the £100 a year clothes challenge, and think if you do have loads of clothes already as you mentioned, you could be a bit of a winner on that one! And are you keeping a spending diary - that is always very eye opening! On the old school thread the grocery challenge might be good for you, or giving up packed lunches? We shop at Lidl, as well as markets, local butchers etc our budget for 2 adults and 1 child (inc lunches but not school dinners) is £200-300pm. We also like to entertain at home. I say this not to judge, but because I hope this information is useful for you as a comparison.

I also agree with other posters regarding the 'pocket money' set up - OH and I both have £150 a month to spend as we like, so if we want to go out for dinner with friends or coffee, or buy a book it is up to us. All of the rest goes into the joint account to pay for household/family expenses.

Anyway, best of luck, and keep posting.

tallyhoh

Have you considered joining the national Trust for entertaining? The first year would be £63.38 (family ticket) for the whole year & £84.50 renewal. Best thing we ever did & educational for the children. We just take a box if sandwiches or buy a bag of chips for lunch as the cafes can be expensive.

casperlarue

Something you could consider for your youngest child if he wears disposable nappies....I used to buy a pack of nappies from Lidl/Aldi to use in the daytime, they are about £5.50 for a big pack. They are just as good as Huggies or Pampers. At night use a Huggies or Pampers or whatever your prefered brand is.

I did this with both my kids and it worked very well.

RoxieW

Thank you for all the posts Went to Tesco today with CASH! I had £110 in my purse and my heart almost stopped when the bill got to £106! That is the shop for the week - plus more milk and bread. The boys are having to get used to me saying no to treats and there was alot of pestering around the store from my middle child in particular but its no bad thing for them to cut down on the treats anyway.

I went out for my birthday last night and only spent £10! Hopefully I am getting the hang of this and can stick to it.

Have photographed some clothes to ebay and am going to ebay the wiifit board also as we never use it.

kingfisher - re the clubs - individually theyre not that expensive but it adds up. And I take the littlest to a playcentre once a week.
Cubs x 2 £5
Football training x 2 £5
Swimming x 3 £15
Playgroup x 2 £5
Playcentre £15 (inc lunch)
Violin x 1 £5
Weekly total - £50