In a massive mess

iamana1ias

RAS wrote: »

iamanalias

yet again you take over a poster's thread and repeatedly make nasty judgemental comments. No - they are not constructive criticism, they are nasty and judgemental.

This forum is for help not judgement and if you cannot comply with that, please go elsewhere.

It is none of your business or mine what the priorities are of the OP and her OH. It may well be that if she tried to live like you suggest, she would be heading for divorce.

You are entitled to live by your priorities, let Roxie and her OH sort out a budget they can live with, and leave her alone.

Oooh. Touched a nerve have I?

I find the OP's spending obscene, and I'm entitled to that opinion. This isn't @rselickers.com. What she's spending on tat every month would feed a third world village for about 3 months. Moreover, it reeks of there being underlying (mental?) issues. Nobody spends like that unless they feel inferior in themselves

I speak as I find. The OP has asked for advice and I doubt very much that the subtle approach is going to achieve much.

RenovationMan

iamana1ias wrote: »

I find the OP's spending obscene, and I'm entitled to that opinion.

lol, you'd explode if you saw what we spend on the kids, food and enjoying ourselves. I'm sorry, but I really dont see why you're so upset about someone else's income and outgoings. They work for their money and it's their decision how they spend it. The OP came here for bedgetting advice on how to reduce a small debt, not to have her way of life judged by complete strangers who know nothing about her.

OP, you have one life. Just make sure you put away enough for emergencies, enough to provide a comfortable retirement and then enjoy the rest. We're a long time dead.

RAS

iamana1ias wrote: »

Oooh. Touched a nerve have I?

No

I spend less than half my income and have a lot of saving of various sorts.

But this thread belongs to the OP and I am not going to discuss this matter with you any further.

RoxieW

iamana1ias wrote: »

£200 a month on activities and you dole out £100 on top?! :eek: For a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a 1 year old? :eek:

£800 a month on food and that doesn't even cover their lunches?! :eek:

OP, I see from other posts that you don't work because you have a recurring illness and are on IB. Is that part of the reason your spending is out of control? Because you're bored/unable to work?

Pocket money is for me and OH. And for your information yes I do have a recurring illness but I am no longer on IB and I do work part time - hence why I put down an income. So no, with 3 children, a home to run and a job I'm not 'bored'.

But I hope you enjoyed trolling through my old posts for ammo to !!!!! about.

RAS

Roxie

ignore.

This weekend try to get OH on board and then re-work your SOA with his ideas included.

have a good one.

RoxieW

Thanks RAS and Renovationman and everyone else who has posted helpful advice.

Renovation Man - I have been living that way so I agree with the sentiment. Unfortunately I have gone over the top with it.

Yesterday I went to Lidl instead of sainsburies and spent £11 on food for the weekend. No curry last night lol. Yet when I come on the comp today OH has websites looking at some computer gadget up???
He will split hairs with me over the fact that I meet a friend for a coffee or buy something for the kids, then he'll spend £100's on stupid gadgets. So down today I cant face an arguement. One minute he is telling me not to spend - the next he is asking to spend or actually spending.

I know that £800 seems like a huge amount on groceries but when you buy premium brands and organic its easily done with a household of hungry boys believe me. But I'm going to be very frugal this month and hope to see the difference. And the trips out just so quickly add up. As do the clothes. Have got coats, shoes and uniform to buy this month. Am hoping that will be a wakeup to OH that things do actually cost money and I dont spend everything on coffee and magazines which I think he has in his head. He still has the bank cards but will see how quickly that wears off when I have to ask him for money all the time and he has to go to the cash machine. Am going to find a small notebook and keep a spending diary.

Also decided not to go out today.

Thanks all.

ciderwithrosie_2

I appreciate they get hungry but honestly the groceries thing can be done - I spend somewhere between £80 - £100 a week on a family of 5 (when the oldest isn't away at Uni), and my boys are 20,18, and 15 so effectively 5 adults to feed. We eat decently, as the OH is diabetic and middle son is into body building atm.

If you've been to Lidl that's great, most of their stuff is pretty good and as the OH says, you can try it and if you don't like it, well you haven't lost much. The only things I won't drop brands on are cereal and coffee (family mutiny) so I do have to get those elsewhere if I do a big shop in Lidl.

Keeping a diary's a really good idea, useful for you but also to wave under the OH's nose when he wants to know where the money's gone/going. I do an excel spreadsheet of income and outgoings for a month at a time and update it every few days when I've checked my online bank statement. That way I can see exactly what's left after all the bills have been taken out. I've had to get in the habit of doing this as it's easy to forget all those spends here and there I bunged on the card and I wouldn't have a clue what the balance was. When you see in black and white how much you've got left to live on for the month it does make you more cautious.

Regards CWR

Marisco

I'm with you on the coffee;) But have you tried Tesco's own brand cereal? It's just as good as the branded. What you could do is keep your branded boxes, buy Tescos, and transfer it into the branded box;) I bet they wouldn't be able to tell the difference:) That would probably work for other things as well as cereal.

tiff

Well I suppose I'm not allowed to comment that I have just read this and am in shock? I remember once commenting on a post by RoxieW and her replying that she preferred quality over cost. Sometimes if its not within your means then you just cant.

Re cutting back, you must do a proper budget and learn to spend within it, leaving money left over for saving/reducing mortage/anything else. Your kids dont need their hair cut every month, my daughter doesnt. Son has his cut every 6 weeks and mine is every 8 weeks. Dont get your hair coloured if you cant afford it, use a mobile hairdresser who may be cheaper if you have to. These are all the things that other people on this board have to do in order to spend within their means. Dont have organic, dont buy ready meals, dont eat out.

You said you have school uniform to buy, this can be done so cheaply, Tesco did have theirs on 3 for 2 until this week. I bought a winter coat there for my daughter for school in the sale for £2 believe it or not. Do they absolutely NEED new school uniform straight away?

Birthday presents for children, I usually buy a top and try to find it in a sale, last present I gave was a £6 top that was £3 in the sale and the girl loved it.

when I first joined this forum I used to shop in Next, Monsoon and M&S for my kids clothes. It slowly dawned on me that I really couldnt afford it, and am so much happier buying things that I can afford. I never compromise on their school shoes, but everything else is bought from Primark, Asda, Tesco, wherever at a fraction of the cost. I have come a long way since then, my husband used to get work shirts in M&S at £30 odd quid each, last month I bought 2 for £3.50 in the sale at Tesco and he was very chuffed with them. That wont make any dent in our budget and my DH is hard to please usually!

shebrett

Hi Roxie - good luck on taking down the bills, am sure you will be able to find a way with all the tips on here.

My two cents on the husband side of things would be to sit him down and point out that he also is spending money. A good idea might be for each of you to get "pocket money" and have a separate "house money fund" for food and childrens shopping. That way if you have to budget so does he and I am guessing that you are responsible for the food shopping, so if he fancies a curry and there isn't enough in the food budget he will have to make the choice if he can afford it from his pocket money. Might help show him that he needs to sacrifice also and that debt is not solely your fault.