In a massive mess

Ames

Could you get a paper round or something to get you out of the house every day? I know how you feel, I've had severe agoraphobia myself and need to be able to get out and about, but there are cheaper ways of doing it. How about just walking to the local shop for a paper every day?

RoxieW

Ok so todays plan
I have already ebayed lots of designer clothes - about £300s worth. And some jewelery. As well as the wiifit balance board and game.
Am also going to menu plan, check our utility tariffs and check out the challanges on here that I can join. Any suggestions would be great. My aim is to claw back the £3k. I may start a diary to chart this
Things very fraught with husband. Hes being very vocal about the theory of 'spend less' but not practical about how to do it. For example he asked yesterday when I was going to do a big shop (ie £300 tesco online) He also had ago at me about buying non essentials - then snuck some items he wanted into the trolley. It's my birthday tomorrow and we've cancelled going out. But instead of spending time with me in the house he is now playing football. Feel very down and lonely.
Thank you all for advice and help. Particularly RAS who was a supportive voice when I felt hopeless. Thank you.

RoxieW

RAS wrote: »

Good idea.

Has OH returned your cards yet?

No and he is not intending to. I understand why he is angry as he has been doing overtime and he feels it has been peed up the wall. But I am resentful of being blamed completely when every time I have said 'we cant afford it' to something he wants to do he has said 'it'll be right. It's only x amount.' or something similar.

SkintGypsy

I know what you mean about the entertaining! We have a lot of friends and family that live quite a distance away. When they visit they stay over, so it's often lunch, dinner with wine/beer, breakfast and quite often lunch again. We would just make do with a sandwich, cereal and a pizza but we like to make an effort for guests even though it's expensive to do so. Think a lot of our overspending came from this kind of thing.

Now, with our new frugal ways, I panic if we have guests, because we will gave to exceed our sixty pound a week grocery budget and it gives me a panic attack!

RAS

Regarding the e-bay - is youyr money going into a joint account or into one that you can access. Do not sell stuff unless you can get hold of the money.

Regarding OH, I am soirry but this is very porr behaviour; gross lack of respect for you.

I would start by getting hold of all the credit card and bank accounts for the last four months, then go through them and allocate every single spend you know about to different catagories, as per the SOA.

However for cash, mark whether it was on your card or his. For anything non-priority spends, mark my spend, his spends, ents, days out, gadgets, household (new casserole).

His response to this is OTT and completely unacceptable.

dancingfairy

I agree with RAS has said.
You both have spent the money and contributed to the problem in different ways. You are facing up to it and are willing to make changes but your OH is behaving like a spoilt child.
I think you need to try and stand up for yourself - not in a horrid confrontational kind of way but point out that you are doing your bit by trying to cut down but he is throwing it all back in your face by wanting to buy gadgets/hiding bits in the trolley etc (very childish) .
Stray strong - you are going to be setting a good example to your kids. Hopefully your OH will come around soon and I think RAS's is right you need you own bank account - it's not fair for you to be ebaying stuff if your OH can then turn around and spend it on stuff.
df

Marisco

Why not get rid of all cards apart from a debit card so you can access money from an ATM? That way there would be no temptation for anyone to spend, and it makes it easier to see what is spent when actual money has to be handed over;)

daniel_owen_uk

Firstly well done for admitting you have a problem

A long hard conversation is required with your DH.

You need to explain why you have spent what you have spent and how you plan to curb it in the future.

Tell him that you want to solve the problem together, you are a husband and a wife for a reason and you are not in this alone.

Start a spend diary where everything you buy (and your DH) goes on it (and I do mean everything). Tell him that it will be reconciled at the end of every month with the bank statements (no getting round it that way).

It a great way of earning back trust (that is obviously the reason he is upset).

Best tip I can give you on this is to get receipts (and keep them) for everything. I know it's a little anal but it works.

Maddie57

Hi Roxy

Regarding your entertaining costs, why not invite your friends to come but bring a course or bring a bottle to cut costs? I go to a friends house often but always bring a bottle and sometimes a DVD and I treat her to a takeaway as she often cooks for me.

Perhaps invite friends to come over in the afternoon especially if they have their own kids and only provide a few nibbles to get them out of the habit of expecting you to lay on a lavish banquet!

You are doing really well. The secret is to keep going forward. If you overspend look at why it happened and what you can do next time to prevent it (i.e. leave cards at home, budget more in this area) and it will get easier in time.

Maddie

RoxieW

Ok so in one day I have made/saved £106 doing the £10 a day challenge. Changed utilites so that was a big chunk but its all positive so far.

Going out for milk now and taking the monkeys to the park