In a massive mess

belfastgirl23

Sorry just had one other thought. Have you said, clearly in these words, 'I know I messed up, I'm really sorry, I've learned my lesson and I am now doing everything in my power to sort things out'. Without excuses. Without accusations. Just a straight apology. If not, I'd suggest you do it. Even if he has done wrong, so have you and sometimes acknowledging that really clearly can be a very good ice breaker.

OrkneyStar

Happy Birthday Roxie .
Hope you are starting to see some ways forward.
Re the going out with the boys/on buses/having a picnic- we always did that when I was young.....enjoyed it and have many happy memories of that (be it only 2 children not 3!). Perhaps to make it fun for them you can let them choose a small treat as part of the picnic, eg take sarnies, fruit, biccy, whatever but let them each choose a drink, and perhaps get yourself a nice smoothie or something....spending but a lot less than a whole lunch ?

RAS

:bdaycake:Happy birthday Roxie.:bdaycake:

Hugs to you:wave:

gratefulforhelp_2

Roxie you're doing really well and RAS is fab, you're right.

Please don't feel guilty £3K of debt can be fixed on your income. You do need to sit down with your husband and allocate funds to different areas, and agree how much each on you can spend on yourselves. I think this money should be separate from groceries money et.c

He is being a bit of a knob, frankly, I expect because he feels secretly guilty.

Good luck and happy ebaying!

Verbatim

Happy Birthday Roxie. hope you manage to have a good one.

diane105

First of all Happy Birthday:bdaycake:

I think some people have overreacted to your situation as it is your money to spend as you wish. I know how you feel, however, add about another £20000 to your debt and that is where me and oh are.

Try and stick to your guns as this was my problem. Fair enough I spent as well but oh is mainly responsible for it all but I didn't know how to say no - my four year old knows better:D

We are now on a dmp but he still thinks is cigarette money is an essential, and is on about a blue ray dvd even though we are skint. I very rarely get anything for myself as feel guilty for spending but he doesn't. I just think it's fellas!!!

Really good luck and well done for realising before it get's out of control.

RoxieW

Hello all (: thank you so much for your suggestions and kind words of encouragement. Have had a very lovely birthday despite spending very little money. Hubby treated me n the boys to coffee n cake in my favourite cafe n we rented a DVD. He cooked but we used things we already had in the cupboard. M n s didn't get a look in lol. So instead of a big day out and a meal out so probably £200 spent we spent 15 :j
Used a voucher for the DVD lol. I've also made/saved 110 on the 10 a day challenge so so far so good.
The snag of the day was the 500 iPad that Oh presented me proudly with as a gift. He bought it before this all kicked off and said he couldn't take it back as he'd downloaded to it. He said it's a work essential for me (I'm a writer and I travel a lot for meeting on the train but had help off buying a laptop due to cost and was still getting by with my trusty notepad and pen). It will save me time and come in useful and I love it but it is a luxury that we can't afford. But he won't take it back. I also got some other lovely gifts from friends and family and some cash that will come in useful now!anyway, I'm going to continue my new journey on the diary section as that seems to be the place so anyone who wants to follow head over there and check out my entries :j thank you all so so much! Roxie x

loopylouc

Hi Roxie

Happy Birthday - I'm so pleased that you had a lovely evening. Came across your original post and have been hooked reading.

You are making a great start on clearing what is quite a small debt relative to your income.

This is my 2p but I think you and your OH are actually both still in shock at the scale of things and your both reacting in different ways. You ( like I would) are going into organizing mode with lists and SOA etc and I think that your OH is reacting the way he is due to a feeling of not having been aware of what everything else costs. It doesn't sound like he's actually had his light bulb moment yet. My OH is still on a low level dimmer switch - thinks he's being good and then takes 20 from the bank cos he thought there was some slack in it:mad:

Have you shown him your SOA? He might just need some time to digest it.

Tricky one about the IPad, but it sounds like he got it with good intentions and was thinking about you. I could write a book on the "thoughtful" presents I've had.:rotfl:

Good luck with everything

L xx

scotdebs

roxie could dress this message up to sound nicer but PC has crach and am tired anyway...
- some poeple are just mean ignore them
- well done for getting a grip sooner rather than later
- yes you have made some progress on your spending as as you get more in the the "MSE" mode am sure you will find more ways to cut back etc
- build budget into your planner for counselling sessions with hubby -the way you two deal with money and communicate about money is going to be your undoing... seriously what if he lost his job tomorrow could you sit down together and have an adult chat about what to do?...... I suspect not from what ou have previously posted - for me that is the key to you as a family getting to where you want to be - good luck xx

kingfisherblue

Hope you had a good birthday

Back to the children's activities - £5 a week each for Cubs? I would be querying this with the Group Scout Leader, as all leaders are volunteers and subs are supposed to be reasonable so that no children are excluded because of cost. I know that there may be room hire to pay, as well as activities and capitation (insurance, etc, paid to headquarters each year), but £5 a week is excessive.

Also, Scouting is usually a term time activity - very few units meet during the holidays, so you should be able to save on this about thirteen weeks of the year.

One last thing - Cubs are for children aged eight upwards. I think you said that your children are 5 and 7. Beavers is for age 6-8, but children do not usually join Scouting until they are six years old.

Could you clarify this?