Wedding Issue

Any

Person_one wrote: »

Maybe the daughter's message was along the lines of "I can't have a relationship with you while you're with the woman you left my mum for, if that situation changes, things might be different"

Yep, selfish.

This might be the love of his life and the companionship for the rest of his life.. so why not throw it because I need proof that you love me enough.

Threebabes

kimmi_b wrote: »

Threebabes wrote: »

Really, we only know what the poster has put down. The poster comments that her husband left the family for her. The DD was left with whatever devastation this caused to the family while the dad went off with another woman. My parents split when I was 16 and along with coping with raging hormones and becoming an adult to think she also had to deal with her dad going off with another woman, you dont know whats been going through her head.
QUOTE]

Which is why I made a comment based on what the OP put down, not what I don't know. OP's OH left unhappy marriage for her - not nice but it does happen. OP's OH has tried unsuccesfully to maintain contact with his child(ren) - great, not all people leaving a marriage would bother. OP's OH's daughter has refused contact - her right admittedly, but she is going about it in a hurtful manner (sending emails telling her father to dump his GF indicating she is dropping the family surname).

Fair play to the guy for keeping up his efforts to maintain contact, and applause to the OP for encouraging that. I'd have given my right arm for my father to have wanted contact with me when I was growing up which is probably why I have come across all :mad: towards the daughter. Apologies if I have caused offence OP

I wasnt having a go, just trying to put myself in the daughters shoes.

Person_one

Any wrote: »

Yep, selfish.

This might be the love of his life and the companionship for the rest of his life.. so why not throw it because I need proof that you love me enough.

You misunderstood. Its not necessarily blackmail, it could be a 'let me know if things change for unrelated reasons' message.

Like if I had a friend with a horrible boyfriend, I might tell her I couldn't see her as long as she was with boyfriend but that if they ever broke up to get back it touch. It wouldn't be an ultimatum, just a notification that the door is currently shut, but is dependent on circumstances.

gratefulforhelp_2

graemecarter wrote: »

I would NEVER do that - it is her day, and while it is a massive shame that he will have no part of it, he HAS to respect her decision.
If he turned up and she saw him, it could ruin her day.
I think a hand-written card with £100 of M&S vouchers is perfect.
But do STAY AWAY

It would be pretty unforgiveable to rock up uninvited, I know someone who did that and he ruined the day.

ManOnTheMoon

Just to get away from the debate, I think the OP was asking for advice as to whether to send anything for the daughters wedding.

I don't condone cheating or leaving kids, having seen it first hand with my girls, but I bite my tongue and remain focused on the OP's first post as none of us know the whole story.

I'm sure the OP is just wanting to gather some thoughts on what her husband should do.

red_devil

Person_one wrote: »

You misunderstood. Its not necessarily blackmail, it could be a 'let me know if things change for unrelated reasons' message.

Like if I had a friend with a horrible boyfriend, I might tell her I couldn't see her as long as she was with boyfriend but that if they ever broke up to get back it touch. It wouldn't be an ultimatum, just a notification that the door is currently shut, but is dependent on circumstances.

he may never split up with his partner though and she should be happy if her dad is happy? Infact she dosent care about his happiness at all if she makes ultimatums like that?

Her loss too! she may regret it one day? plenty of people are having to deal with their parents splitting up?

Any

Person_one wrote: »

You misunderstood. Its not necessarily blackmail, it could be a 'let me know if things change for unrelated reasons' message.

Like if I had a friend with a horrible boyfriend, I might tell her I couldn't see her as long as she was with boyfriend but that if they ever broke up to get back it touch. It wouldn't be an ultimatum, just a notification that the door is currently shut, but is dependent on circumstances.

Nope, sorry, don't buy it.
Horrible example.

I hope we never meet. My friends are my friends, no matter who they go out with. If they chose a person I don't like they most likely weren't who I thought they were in the first place.

We are friends as long as you talk to only to people I approve of??

supermezzo

graemecarter wrote: »

I would NEVER do that - it is her day, and while it is a massive shame that he will have no part of it, he HAS to respect her decision.
If he turned up and she saw him, it could ruin her day.

I think a hand-written card with £100 of M&S vouchers is perfect.
But do STAY AWAY

My thoughts exactly.

Person_one

Any wrote: »

Nope, sorry, don't buy it.
Horrible example.

I hope we never meet. My friends are my friends, no matter who they go out with. If they chose a person I don't like they most likely weren't who I thought they were in the first place.

We are friends as long as you talk to only to people I approve of??

Yes its an extreme example, but I hope you never have one of your friends decide to move in with someone who sexually harasses every female he comes into contact with, and your friend refuses to go anywhere without them. You leave the door open so that if they realise the horrible situation they are in they can come to you for support.

I too hope we never meet, you seem unable to relate to any point of view or possibility except your own and what you have experienced.

DKLS

Card and a cheque for £10 should suffice, a relationship is a two way thing if the daughter is so stubborn, personally I wouldnt bother going to the trouble or expense of sending anything.

Perhaps when the daughter is in her new social work role, she may discover there are two sides to every story.