How much housework does your OH do?

1sttimer_2

Hi, just a general question - how much housework (indoors & outdoors) does your OH do? We both work FT (no children at home) but the housework generally gets left to me. I have to ask him to do anything and TBH I feel more like his parent than wife when I do this - especially when he pulls a face and makes remarks to make me know that he doesn't want to do them!

He admits that he does not notice any mess in the house (there is plenty - believe me!) and never thinks of washing any clothes/dishes or tidying stuff away. If I wash something, unless I have specifically asked him to hang them out, he will leave them in the machine all day. He makes 1 meal a week and rarely plans what we're having till it's time to eat then uses what ever I have in the fridge/freezer (that I've planned meals for) and then leaves the table/work top in a mess.

This is just one example of what he is like and it brought it home to me how little he does. He was having a bath Saturday afternoon and I had gone out shopping and forgot to ask him to clean the bathroom out afterwards. When I told him this, he said 'Well thanks for that - I'm glad you forgot'. I let him know on no uncertain terms that that wasn't what he should have said! I asked him how much he actually did in the house - and an inevitable argument occurred! Then on Sunday morning whilst I was at church, he vac'd the house out - except I had already done it all on Friday evening - but still didn't clean the bathroom! He thought it was because I didn't like doing it, and he said he didn't want to do it either! It was because I was busy!

I don't want to sound like a nagging wife, but need to sort it out to make it fairer - so how do you share it all out? I've tried to do this in the past - but he often 'forgets' to do it and when there's a pile to do, I will eventually do it to get it done! I don't really want to go back in time and do a wall chart like the children had as we are fully functioning adults (supposedly!) but would like to have some plan of action.

Thanks for your input.

Alikay

He does whatever I ask him to do, but luckily for him I don't ask him to do much at all. I'm at home during the day, although working (foster carer to pre school children) so deal with laundry, cleaning, admin, meal prep and shopping.

He takes care of the cars, lawn and DIY type maintenance.

I can't imagine having a rota or chores list - we just do what needs to be done, and if something gets left, well... it either stays left or the one to whom it matters most gets round to it eventually.:D

Washing up is shared in that I fill the dishwasher, wash pans and all the stuff that won't fit and DH empties it and puts the stuff away.

little_miss_muppet_face

1sttimer wrote: »

Hi, just a general question - how much housework (indoors & outdoors) does your OH do? We both work FT (no children at home) but the housework generally gets left to me. I have to ask him to do anything and TBH I feel more like his parent than wife when I do this - especially when he pulls a face and makes remarks to make me know that he doesn't want to do them!

He admits that he does not notice any mess in the house (there is plenty - believe me!) and never thinks of washing any clothes/dishes or tidying stuff away. If I wash something, unless I have specifically asked him to hang them out, he will leave them in the machine all day. He makes 1 meal a week and rarely plans what we're having till it's time to eat then uses what ever I have in the fridge/freezer (that I've planned meals for) and then leaves the table/work top in a mess.

This is just one example of what he is like and it brought it home to me how little he does. He was having a bath Saturday afternoon and I had gone out shopping and forgot to ask him to clean the bathroom out afterwards. When I told him this, he said 'Well thanks for that - I'm glad you forgot'. I let him know on no uncertain terms that that wasn't what he should have said! I asked him how much he actually did in the house - and an inevitable argument occurred! Then on Sunday morning whilst I was at church, he vac'd the house out - except I had already done it all on Friday evening - but still didn't clean the bathroom! He thought it was because I didn't like doing it, and he said he didn't want to do it either! It was because I was busy!

I don't want to sound like a nagging wife, but need to sort it out to make it fairer - so how do you share it all out? I've tried to do this in the past - but he often 'forgets' to do it and when there's a pile to do, I will eventually do it to get it done! I don't really want to go back in time and do a wall chart like the children had as we are fully functioning adults (supposedly!) but would like to have some plan of action.

Thanks for your input.

My husband is pretty good, we have a cleaner for a few hours on a wednesday morning as we both work full time, 2 kids.. just makes life a bit easier, by hubby always hoovers etc in between, cleans the cars, cuts the grass... now i think about it he actually does alot...;)

Bufger

On a regular week (and im a guy)

Me:
Cut grass and hedges/weeding etc (if needed)
Hoovering up and down stairs + Stairs
Windowlene mirrors, windows, TV's
Polish up and downstairs
Cook 2-4 meals a week depending on my shifts (and i pay for the takeaway if i cant be bothered to cook so theres my incentive!)
Take out bins, put new binbags in
Fill/empty dishwasher

My lady:
All the washing
2-4 meals a week
cleans bathrooms 1 and 2
organises meals and shopping (she likes her lists)

Both:
Fill/empty dishwasher
Shopping

we used to share the hoovering and the gardening which made it pretty much 50:50 but shes pregnant so i wont let her do the heavy stuff. I hate doing the washing so i just take the wash basket downstairs/upstairs and she does the rest

sounds like another fella in need of a kick up the bum.

Zazen999

Actually, if anything - he does more than me but we do pay for a cleaner.

If you are working and value your spare time, then it would be worth looking into.

That way, we tidy up once a fortnight before she comes and do the little bits as we go; and she does a good thorough clean which means we don't leave it for too long and the house is always pretty clean

julie03

mine lays the table, washes up, gives the bathroom a thorough clean once a week (except the toilet, he doesnt like them)cuts the grass, and takes care of all the finacial stuff. he doesnt need to be told, just does them as this is what we have agreed on.

talulahbeige_2

We play to each others strengths!

I do all the cleaning as i'm pretty OCD and his cleaning woldn't be up to scratch and would leave me more stressed. Cleaning on my own helps de-stress me too.
He does do a good quick run round with the vac inbetween cleans tho.

I do the washing but he will help hang it out if asked.
He irons, I can't bear ironing so it's ideal! He actually looks for things to iron sometimes.

I shop but i love supermarket shopping much more than other types of shopping so it's a treat as far as I'm concerned

He does most of the garden work, i pull a few weeds because he seems to see past them. I do have to cajole him into doing the lawn tho. His version of overgrown is different to my version of overgrown.

pigpen

Mine loads the DW and feeds the cats. He empties bins and carries baskets of laundry down stairs if I nag.. He minces the grass and hedge a couple of times a year. He does duvet covers as well.. because he is much bigger than me and finds it really simple to do.

at the moment he and DD1 are doing most of the shopping.. from lists of course.. I can't walk more than about 30 yards due to SPD.

I do the washing, hanging out, folding etc, the cooking other than 2-3 times a month he will be bossed to do it, the vacuuming (though this is often delegated to children) .. 5 bedrooms, 3 rec. rooms.. so not a small job.

I am also 8 months pregnant and still doing all of it.

He always says I should ask if I want stuff doing.. but I don't see why I should so I won't..

Neeny82

My OH seems to think that there isn't much housework needed! He has very different ideas on 'cleaning' than I have!

His jobs are ironing and washing up (we don't have a dishwasher)

My jobs are EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! He thinks I've got the easy jobs! LOL

He will tidy up if I ask but his idea of 'doing the bathroom' includes just moving all the clothes left around (his) and emptying the bathroom bin!! Hmmmm - me thinks i've got my hands full!!!!!!

If truth be known I absolutely 100% blame his Grandparents whom he lived with from the age of 18 to when I moved in with him when he was aged 30!! They did absolutely everything for him - near enough wiping his a$$!

So basically I am having to train a grown man in how to do very basic household tasks!! I used to just nag him and then do it myself but I've started just leaving things (as much as its killed me) until he says "Erm....do we need to clean up??" and I then tell him that we will split it blah blah blah! It works to some extent!!

He is useless!! LOL - but i'm working on him!

pinkshoes

Ours is probably split 50/50, and I would never have to even ask him to do anything - he just does.

I do most the cooking,dusting and ironing, and he seems to prefer washing up, hoovering, bin emptying and cleaning bathrooms.

Your OH sounds lazy! I'd stop cooking him meals, and only cook for yourself and tell him you forgot, just like he forgot to clean up after himself!

balletshoes

OP this is obviously really bothering you, and I'm afraid I have no advice to give you - apart from, would it drive you completely nuts to NOT clean and tidy after him? ie do your own washing up, clothes washing, ironing etc, but don't touch his until he gets the message?

My OH does almost nothing in the house, but to be fair to him, I knew that long before we got married, and he doesn't ever moan if I have a day where I just can't be annoyed tidying or cleaning.
He will occasionally deep clean the kitchen - I think he finds that theraputic when he's in the mood for it, and it literally gleams when he's finished.