How much housework does your OH do?

persian_star

Hi OP!

I've been married 5 years (no kids) and have a very similar problem! Though I've slowly discovered it's not that he doesn't want a clean house and doesn't want to do the housework, it's more that he puts it off or gets lost halfway through attempting it (start dusting as he knows i'm allergic and ends up reading whatever he was dusting!)

I've found slow and steady wins the race - I refused to wash his undies unless they were in the basket, he now puts (at least half of) his dirty clothes in the basket! He knows that I find putting the double duvet cover on on my own difficult, and will hover behind him and annoy him until he helps me and I can go to bed ) Although nagging isn't the right option, we still need to ask - make it clear that it needs doing and you are relying on him to do it, then if it doesn't get done he has no one to blame but himself (this works best with things he needs/sees).

I've also found that asking him to help while I'm doing housework works, as he'll be inspired to get up and do something - it may not be the most useful something (tidying out a drawer when we have friends coming over and washing up to do!?) but at least he's contributing.

With my hubby I think it's a combination of up-bringing (he's always had everything done for him, never lived on his own, and his dad never did h/w either) and personality type - he doesn't like daily repetitive projects, he prefers (as above) cleaning out a drawer to make it permanently tidy. BUT, the more I do housework in front of him (I used to try and do it when he wasn't there, found it far more effective) the more he realises the burden isn't fair. He cleaned the sofa (!!) the other day, so I guess whatever it is I'm doing is working!

I've also found that spending my leisure time appreciating the things he enjoys (fighting games - not my cup of tea - but I watch and engage) rather than nagging him to stop and do something to help, he's far more likely to give back when it does come to toilet scrubbing time.

Hope some of that helps! Think my Work In Progress will be going on a long time )

1sttimer_2

Gavin 83 - yes I work 30 hours a week (4 days) and have 2yr old GS 10 hours 1 day per week (hard work but worth it!).

He works from home so doesn't have any set times - no clocking in card for him so I assume him to be working full time! He will go to supermarket with me but does like to get all the whoopsies and other non essentials that he likes (he will also go round the town looking in all the cheap shops for yoghurts/fruit juice etc that only he has) but will pick up something for me on the way if I've asked him to.

Plans-all-plans - yes I do think I have contributed to his laziness, because so many things go back for so long and when I was a SAHM I did everything then. He did work very long hours at the start of running his own business - more than likely 12+ hours per day - and again I did it all (that was 20 years ago) any it's really never changed from then.

There are certain things that really get up my nose and I've tried all ways of getting him to do it himself and that is emptying his sports bag! He leaves it full of smelly clothes and I've left them till they are practically walking on their own and he'll only realise that it's not been done when he goes to the bag the following week! His tennis socks get really grubby and he's actually started to put them into a bowl of water (no soap or anything!) and they stay there for best part of a week! No kidding! I don't know how many times I've explained how soap works but it's not sunk in yet!

His mum used to empty his bag, wash and iron his kit, and actually clean his muddy boots! That's when he played football - thankfully no longer! It's only tennis, table tennis and running now. Sweaty but not muddy!

He does pay the utility bills - usually when we've got the cut off reminder and after i've badgered him constantly about it (I do want him to have some control of stuff). He's very good at getting cheap deals on the electric, gas, phones, insurance etc and if anyone get's into trouble with anything like that, he loves to argue the point with the suppliers on their behalf - in fact he would be good on that TV programme (can't think what it's called). And he does like getting good value for money and making your money work for you! (look out Martin!) So I suppose he does do something good there! I hate arguing or sorting out anything moneywise! So I can chalk that up as a plus - although I wouldn't normally count that as housework!

1sttimer_2

Persian_star - I think you're doing very well in the way that you are working together. I think our problem is that we're not often in the house together! He has his sports (3 nights per week) and I have church activities (not regular but could be 1 to 3 per week) and on weekends he has sports again Sat am or pm and sometimes on a Sunday. I am at Church Sunday am + pm if I'm on duty. So that only leaves 1 evening a week, when we go out to a pub quiz and on another evening he works away and I have GS. Saturday evening is lazy time so Sunday pm is perhaps the only real time when we're likely to have some time together and we quite often go out for a walk or visit our DD and GS.

brians_daughter

candyapple wrote: »

Wow I need to know where all of these OH's have been trained and can I send mine there too please??

My Mother once told me when i was a little girl the way to get a 'perfect husband' was to "get them young and train them well" :rotfl::rotfl:

Well, i did get him young and i would like to think i trained him well..hence he does his share of all the housework..and not only when asked lol :T:T

Gavin83

As a man I find the whole 'you've trained them well' comments a little insulting. Im quite capable of doing necessary tasks myself, I don't need to be trained. My mum also used to do everything for me but I started doing the tasks by myself until she wasn't doing anything anymore.

Maybe it's an age thing and comes from a time when the women were 'expected' to do the housework, I don't know any younger men who don't do their bit.

Schwade

Gavin83 wrote: »

As a man I find the whole 'you've trained them well' comments a little insulting.

Don't be too upset with this. It's just girls talk. They just want to feel in control. They don't really mean it. Unlike us, when we talk about women and their driving skills

ninky_2

1sttimer wrote: »

What on earth can I do with him:rotfl:

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stop doing the housework! i'm serious. this is a ridiculous situation. stop washing his clothes and cooking for him. obviously you need to feed and clothe your kids and yourself and keep their rooms clean. but i'd let the dirt build up in the rest of the house. honestly, it's worth giving it a go for a couple of weeks at least. maybe just buy microwave dinners for yourself and your kids and tell him that's how it's going to be unless he'd like to cook.

neverletitgetyoudown

Me:
Cut grass and hedges/weeding etc (if needed) Ant garden stuff is mineHoovering up (hate bit on the mat)
Polish
Cook 2-4 meals a week
Take out bins, put new binbags in


My lady:
All the clothes washing
cleans bathrooms 1 and 2
Take out bins, put new binbags in

mountainofdebt

well girls I don't mean to brag but I have an absolute gem of a man when it comes to housework.......in fact we're like the odd couple, with me being the messy one!

He will (without hinting or nagging) - wash and dry dishes, hoover, put the washing in and do ironing as well as general tidying. Also does garden (as well as allotment) and all the diy stuff. That's not to mention cooking (gorgeous cakes as well as day to day stuff)

And he works full time as well.

All I have to say is god bless you mum and dad in law.

Lexxi

He's started loading/unloading the dishwasher and sorting out the log fire, we've only been in the house a week so I expect the interest will wane. Pretty much everything is left to me, sorting, organising, tidying, decluttering, bill paying, shopping, meal planning, money, sweeping, hoovering, mopping. I refuse to clean the toilet as he doesn't and I don't do ironing, he only irons his shirts. I'm allergic to dust mites so cleaning is important to me. He will do things sometimes but he's not as thorough as me, I just think some men don't notice mess, or it doesn't keep their attention long enough, he put a box of kitchen stuff outside last week as it was in his way, I had to ask him 4 times to bring it in, after it had been raining!
We do the weekly shop together as I don't drive and he's eating it too.
Sometimes I go on strike, he used to smoke in our flat but wouldn't throw away cig packets or overflowing ashtrays, they really affected my allergy and it irritated me that he couldn't even empty an ashtray when he was making the mess so I'd stop doing anything and he'd have a big tant and start cleaning!