Clearmydebts - new chapter to becoming debt free before moving home

Dinah93

I've worked with a very, very difficult boss for 4 years now, you have to have the right face to get anything done. I don't have the option of leaving, and I have felt on the verge of falling apart several times. If you can afford to and you won't be equally tormented by making ends meet and being away from your OH for so long, then I'd leave. Life is too short to be unhappy. Would you take Max with you? It's a lot of too-ing and froo-ing for him and I'd imagine he'd miss his dad/mum being away from one or the other for a month.

clearmydebts

tirlittan wrote: »

I know what you mean about debts being a barrier to so many things (I've felt like that for 3 years now and especially when in a relationship-not this one though), but if you run yourself sick because that's all you're worried about, you won't be able to enjoy the money anyway.
Health is definitely the most important things, especially when you have kids. Just think how much better mind set you'll be in when you've spent time at home. It'll do you nothing but good and your OH is right, year or two more with debts won't really make that much difference.
Take care now. I'm off and going to get ready for my friends to come over. Well, they're here already but I need to go and do some shopping,it'll be cocktails night tonight and maybe some films at home. Looking forward to it.

Hope you have a lovely evening - sounds perfect

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

I've worked with a very, very difficult boss for 4 years now, you have to have the right face to get anything done. I don't have the option of leaving, and I have felt on the verge of falling apart several times. If you can afford to and you won't be equally tormented by making ends meet and being away from your OH for so long, then I'd leave. Life is too short to be unhappy. Would you take Max with you? It's a lot of too-ing and froo-ing for him and I'd imagine he'd miss his dad/mum being away from one or the other for a month.

I don't know how you have done it for 4 years Dinah. Fair play to you- I couldn't last that long.

I would take Max with me and OH would be there for a period of time, as he is due to take some leave from work around May time to come to Ireland (that would be probably when I would go). I'm not sure if I would even go for a month but I think Max would be a lot happier with a happier Mum (plus doting Grandparents and aunt and uncle) and not seeing his Dad for a week or 2, than being around a Mum who is stressed and in tears all the time.

Dinah93

clearmydebts wrote: »

I don't know how you have done it for 4 years Dinah. Fair play to you- I couldn't last that long.

I would take Max with me and OH would be there for a period of time, as he is due to take some leave from work around May time to come to Ireland (that would be probably when I would go). I'm not sure if I would even go for a month but I think Max would be a lot happier with a happier Mum (plus doting Grandparents and aunt and uncle) and not seeing his Dad for a week or 2, than being around a Mum who is stressed and in tears all the time.

Lol I don't have a choice, my wage is nearly double NIMs so I get through it by everytime I get snide comments and the like thinking 'If I wasn't here we wouldn't have our house, or have had our fantastic wedding, we'd still be in my parents spare room'. But my patience has been rewarded as she's retiring at the end of April so it's all change.

I agree having a happy mum is extremely important, and if his dad is coming to visit I'm sure he'll be fine, 4 weeks is just a long time for a child that young to be without one of their parents if its not a pattern they're used to. I'm not saying it's similar as it'd be a one off, and I know a lot of children are used to being only with one parent, but my mum is a nursery teacher and one of her little boys has a dad who has had to take a job on the rigs, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, and now he wouldn't let go of the teachers the whole time he's in school. Which is challenging enough when you have 22 kids but coupled with the fact that he's now forgotten the whole potty training process, its a bit much! My mum always says little children need their routine more than older ones, but if its only a week or two without his dad he'll just see it as a holiday.

You know the decision that's right for you, and as much as you feel you should feel you pay off the debt, I don't think you think that that's the most important thing right now.

too_much_debt

I would say leave too especially if you are feeling like you say, it is not good for the baby if you are stressed and worried, it is hard having a toddler and being pregnant as well let alone having a job which you hate (my DD was 13 months old when DD2 was born). If your husband is OK with it then I would leave, at least if you went to Ireland for a month or even for a couple of weeks he wouldn't have to worry about you as he would know you and Max were being well looked after and I'm sure your mum and dad would love to have you and Max to stay and they would be able to help out a lot.

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

Lol I don't have a choice, my wage is nearly double NIMs so I get through it by everytime I get snide comments and the like thinking 'If I wasn't here we wouldn't have our house, or have had our fantastic wedding, we'd still be in my parents spare room'. But my patience has been rewarded as she's retiring at the end of April so it's all change.

I agree having a happy mum is extremely important, and if his dad is coming to visit I'm sure he'll be fine, 4 weeks is just a long time for a child that young to be without one of their parents if its not a pattern they're used to. I'm not saying it's similar as it'd be a one off, and I know a lot of children are used to being only with one parent, but my mum is a nursery teacher and one of her little boys has a dad who has had to take a job on the rigs, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, and now he wouldn't let go of the teachers the whole time he's in school. Which is challenging enough when you have 22 kids but coupled with the fact that he's now forgotten the whole potty training process, its a bit much! My mum always says little children need their routine more than older ones, but if its only a week or two without his dad he'll just see it as a holiday.

You know the decision that's right for you, and as much as you feel you should feel you pay off the debt, I don't think you think that that's the most important thing right now.

I am lucky that OH earns a better wage than me, although we were equal for quite a while!

Max has been without OH for periods of up to 10 days, as when he was born I came back and forth to the UK a lot of the time. I keep his routine the exact same when he is away - bath, bottle, bed etc and we do similar things at home that we do here. We also talk to OH on Skype every evening and Max loves this. So I am not concerned about that aspect.

My Mum worked in a montessori pre-school for years so I think she would say if she had any reservations about it. I think if Max was 3 or 4 I would be more concerned as he would be more aware of his surroundings. At the moment though, he is very attached to me and as long as I am there and he gets food and lots of cuddles he is a happy boy.

There is no way I could leave him with anyone for an extended period of time, as he gets very upset and clingy. Plus I couldn't leave my baby - I am too attached to him!

clearmydebts

too_much_debt wrote: »

I would say leave too especially if you are feeling like you say, it is not good for the baby if you are stressed and worried, it is hard having a toddler and being pregnant as well let alone having a job which you hate (my DD was 13 months old when DD2 was born). If your husband is OK with it then I would leave, at least if you went to Ireland for a month or even for a couple of weeks he wouldn't have to worry about you as he would know you and Max were being well looked after and I'm sure your mum and dad would love to have you and Max to stay and they would be able to help out a lot.

Thanks TooMuch,

Yeah, my OH is fine with it because he can come back and see us at the weekend (flights very cheap from Scotland) and he will also be taking a period of annual leave where he will be with us anyway.

How are things with you?

savingholmes

clearmydebts wrote: »

I'm not sure if I would even go for a month but I think Max would be a lot happier with a happier Mum (plus doting Grandparents and aunt and uncle) and not seeing his Dad for a week or 2, than being around a Mum who is stressed and in tears all the time.

I think you know your answer really - especially as your OH is supportive

clearmydebts wrote: »

Hi SavingH,

I am hoping you can give me a bit of advice actually as I know you have been in a situation where you have hated your job.

I really really don't like my boss. She is very anal and the tone of her emails are really 'school mistressy' (sp?). She has a way of ticking you off hidden behind a smiley emoticon and seems to think that I am a full-time worker - even though I only work 23 hours.

We would be able to survive (just about) on OH's wages and pay off the minimum debts until my maternity kicks in (end of June). My mother (and OH) think I should quit the job and go back to Ireland for a month as I am seriously homesick and it is affecting my mental health (worrying about work when I am not there, putting me in a very erratic mood etc).

The thing is - I can't seem to see the wood for the trees at the moment and don't know what to do. I know you quit the job you didn't like. I am not sure what to do with mine.

Any advice you (or anyone else) can give me would be great. I really am quite worried about my mental health at the moment.

Thanks

When I have left jobs it is always very scary. Last year was ultra scary but I was reading a book called "the power is within you" and it suggested that if you had a problem with a limb that stopped you moving forward - and it wouldn't heal - perhaps that reflected an area of your life that you didn't want to move forward into. I felt that applied to my injured knee as I realised I didn't want to get well if that meant returning to the job. I went to a pub one night and worked out what my ideal job looked like - then I came home - saw it on the internet and applied and got it!! I started about 3 weeks after my previous job had ended.

I know I was "lucky" but it is much easier to spot opportunities that are good for you - once you know what you are looking for. Its like when you are pregnant you suddenly see pregnant women everywhere - its not that there are more - it is just that you notice them more.

We've been majorly in debt at key points in our lives - and it is not great but your OH is right - that even if it pushes your debt free date back by say a year it is not the end of the world. As long as you continue good financial practices you will get through it. Try and do things via quidco, perhaps do free bingo sites for amazon vouchers at bingoport and woohoo - I could refer you if you like. Is it you that does AQA that is also an option and the other opinion survey places...

Only you can decide whats right for you. When I was in a job I hated it was ruining my physical and mental health, my hair was falling out and everything - my key regret was not resigning sooner! Hope that helps!

I was helped in my decision by the example of people like snow white who had moved on from a job she hated. I think when it has reached the point when it is damaging your health - especially when you are pregnant - you have to put your health first...

A trip to Ireland being cossetted by your family sounds fab too...

Hugs.... I'll send you a pm too - You are welcome to ring me if you want... Look after yourself it really is the most important thing next to Max... And thanks for your kind words they really gave me a much needed boost:A

clearmydebts

savingholmes wrote: »

I think you know your answer really - especially as your OH is supportive

When I have left jobs it is always very scary. Last year was ultra scary but I was reading a book called "the power is within you" and it suggested that if you had a problem with a limb that stopped you moving forward - and it wouldn't heal - perhaps that reflected an area of your life that you didn't want to move forward into. I felt that applied to my injured knee as I realised I didn't want to get well if that meant returning to the job. I went to a pub one night and worked out what my ideal job looked like - then I came home - saw it on the internet and applied and got it!! I started about 3 weeks after my previous job had ended.

I know I was "lucky" but it is much easier to spot opportunities that are good for you - once you know what you are looking for. Its like when you are pregnant you suddenly see pregnant women everywhere - its not that there are more - it is just that you notice them more.

We've been majorly in debt at key points in our lives - and it is not great but your OH is right - that even if it pushes your debt free date back by say a year it is not the end of the world. As long as you continue good financial practices you will get through it. Try and do things via quidco, perhaps do free bingo sites for amazon vouchers at bingoport and woohoo - I could refer you if you like. Is it you that does AQA that is also an option and the other opinion survey places...

Only you can decide whats right for you. When I was in a job I hated it was ruining my physical and mental health, my hair was falling out and everything - my key regret was not resigning sooner! Hope that helps!

I was helped in my decision by the example of people like snow white who had moved on from a job she hated. I think when it has reached the point when it is damaging your health - especially when you are pregnant - you have to put your health first...

A trip to Ireland being cossetted by your family sounds fab too...

Hugs.... I'll send you a pm too - You are welcome to ring me if you want... Look after yourself it really is the most important thing next to Max... And thanks for your kind words they really gave me a much needed boost:A

Thank you so much SavingH. I replied to your PM just a minute ago.

I had a good long chat with my brother tonight and he gave me some great advice. He is a HR manager and in quite a high position so I respect his opinion a lot. He thinks that I am being micro-managed and that I should have it out with the boss. I never even knew what this meant until this evening but defo think thats what is happening. He also thinks that even if I quit, I need to feedback to my manager about how her behaviour has affected me. I should mention that the person before me left the position after 3 months as they apparently didn't pass their probation. I wonder how much of this was the boss putting pressure on them too.

savingholmes

Hi CMD - you have to do what's right for you. Yes she sounds like she could well be a control freak but you're not been there long yet - it may take her a while to trust and let go. There is also the possibility that she is not capable of changing so while it may help to raise the issue with her - it might still not change anything... Glad you've got a helpful brother that is always nice...