What happened to getting married before having children?

thatgirlsam

Fang wrote: »

I don't. I think people should set their own benchmarks, and ignore wide variables such as gender.

yes, agree.. imp said the benchmarks set by men so i replied to that specifically

but you are right.. it makes no difference who the benchmarks are set by, it would be much wiser to work to your own

Oldernotwiser

thatgirlsam wrote: »

women should be able to provide their own security in life and not rely on their husbands to provide it for them

Goodness, I hope you didn't think that I meant that women should look to men to provide them with security? It was the institution of marriage itself that I was talking about, not the individual husband.

thatgirlsam

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Goodness, I hope you didn't think that I meant that women should look to men to provide them with security? It was the institution of marriage itself that I was talking about, not the individual husband.

sorry, i may have understood

what security does it provide?

does the institute of marriage provide men with the same security?

genuine questions, i thought these days if you have a common law partner the same securities applied (like splitting a property)

Oldernotwiser

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

I just think marriage is considered old fashioned now. Surely having and rasing a child is much more of a committment then anything - it is absolutely life long (unlike most marriages)

.

At the risk of repeating myself, what sort of commitment are you talking about? It may well be a lifelong commitment for the mother but there are plenty of men (not all!) for whom it is very little commitment at all, either to the woman or the child.

Oldernotwiser

thatgirlsam wrote: »

sorry, i may have understood

what security does it provide?

does the institute of marriage provide men with the same security?

genuine questions, i thought these days if you have a common law partner the same securities applied (like splitting a property)

You might be interested in this if you think that cohabiting couples have the same security as married couples. Have a look at the link to the download "The Rights of Cohabiting couples".

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Yourrightsandresponsibilities/DG_10026937

thatgirlsam

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You might be interested in this if you think that cohabiting couples have the same security as married couples. Have a look at the link to the download "The Rights of Cohabiting couples".

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Yourrightsandresponsibilities/DG_10026937

that link didn't work for me

i wasn't sure if they have the same rights or security, just going on what i have heard

makes no difference to me anyway, i paddle my own canoe

Loopy_Girl

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

At the risk of repeating myself, what sort of commitment are you talking about? It may well be a lifelong commitment for the mother but there are plenty of men (not all!) for whom it is very little commitment at all, either to the woman or the child.

I've not read the whole thread so can't comment if you are repeating yourself.

In the whole, most decent parents see having a child as a life long commitment whether they are together or not. That was what I was getting at. Modern parents nowadays that have a child see themselves as married as they have mad a comittment - just not in a marriage kind of sense.


I am well aware that some men don't see children as a commitment. Very well aware.

Oldernotwiser

thatgirlsam wrote: »

that link didn't work for me

i wasn't sure if they have the same rights or security, just going on what i have heard

makes no difference to me anyway, i paddle my own canoe

I changed it after it didn't work so you may find it works now.

Oldernotwiser

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

I've not read the whole thread so can't comment if you are repeating yourself.

In the whole, most decent parents see having a child as a life long commitment whether they are together or not. That was what I was getting at. Modern parents nowadays that have a child see themselves as married as they have mad a comittment - just not in a marriage kind of sense.


I am well aware that some men don't see children as a commitment. Very well aware.

But how do you know which category your man comes into?

Loopy_Girl

I don't have a man. I'm single