What happened to getting married before having children?

POPPYOSCAR

Fang wrote: »

Show me a woman who doesn't want equality and I'll show you a victim.

Some women must enjoy being 'victims' I have a friend like that. Everytime I see her she moans about her husband and I cannot understand the way he treats her I could not live with a man like that but she puts up with him.They have very separate lives compared to myself and my OH and they are married and we are not.

thatgirlsam

surely a happy marriage is a partnership, where both partners are valued equally regardless of their role within the relationship

a marriage where one partner is more important than the other is wrong

Allegra

thatgirlsam wrote: »

surely a happy marriage is a partnership, where both partners are valued equally regardless of their role within the relationship

Yes, I'm with you there.

a marriage where one partner is more important than the other is wrong

But here is where we part - if they are both consenting adults, both on the same wavelength, both fully conversant with all the ins and outs of the situation, as well as the responsibility of both parties - where is the harm ? Why condemn the way someone else chooses to live, as long as they are not hurting anyone else in the process ?

Loopy_Girl

I just think marriage is considered old fashioned now. Surely having and rasing a child is much more of a committment then anything - it is absolutely life long (unlike most marriages)

Gone are the days when you HAD to be marriad to have a child and if you got pregnant out of wedlock you were shuffled off to 'Auntie's' or a shotgun wedding was hastily arranged.

When I was little I used to dream about my wedding day but now I am older I'm not so sure...I could probably take it or leave it to be honest.

thatgirlsam

Allegra wrote: »

Yes, I'm with you there.



But here is where we part - if they are both consenting adults, both on the same wavelength, both fully conversant with all the ins and outs of the situation, as well as the responsibility of both parties - where is the harm ? Why condemn the way someone else chooses to live, as long as they are not hurting anyone else in the process ?

the harm in one person being valued more highly in the relationship, being seen as more important is (i would have thought) detrimental to that persons self esteem

i would really worry if there were children growing up seeing mum as the 'lesser' person within a marriage

doesn't seem healthy to me, but i do take your point about the way other people choose to live, what worries me is that it may well be one person has been conditioned to accept this

Fang_3

Allegra wrote: »

Yes, I'm with you there.



But here is where we part - if they are both consenting adults, both on the same wavelength, both fully conversant with all the ins and outs of the situation, as well as the responsibility of both parties - where is the harm ? Why condemn the way someone else chooses to live, as long as they are not hurting anyone else in the process ?

If it's two consenting adults then as far as I'm concerned they can move to a country where it is acceptable. If they have children, then someone should step in because the children didn't ask to be warped.

Allegra

thatgirlsam wrote: »

the harm in one person being valued more highly in the relationship, being seen as more important is (i would have thought) detrimental to that persons self esteem

Perhaps the self esteem of this person is high enough not to be affected by accepting that the role the other person plays in the relationship could be of higher importance ?

i would really worry if there were children growing up seeing mum as the 'lesser' person within a marriage

Or dad, I would hope - I don't think this is necessarily gender limited.

doesn't seem healthy to me, but i do take your point about the way other people choose to live, what worries me is that it may well be one person has been conditioned to accept this

I guess I should point out here that I do not mean - or condone - an abusive relationship, be it one with an overbearing partner or manipulative "downtrodden" one. It's ust that sometimes things are not what they might seem on the surface !

Allegra

Fang wrote: »

If it's two consenting adults then as far as I'm concerned they can move to a country where it is acceptable. If they have children, then someone should step in because the children didn't ask to be warped.

I thought you believed that only parents are responsible for their children ? Less of the happy hippy claptrap now, please....

POPPYOSCAR

Allegra wrote: »

I thought you believed that only parents are responsible for their children ? Less of the happy hippy claptrap now, please....

Cant wait to see the reply to that one!!

Fang_3

Allegra wrote: »

I thought you believed that only parents are responsible for their children ? Less of the happy hippy claptrap now, please....

First and foremost, and then the state.;)

As I stated here: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.html?p=34955145&postcount=187

You'll have to do much better than that.