What happened to getting married before having children?

Fang_3

pigpen wrote: »

and sharing a child is a FAR FAR bigger commitment than marriage.. a marriage can be got rid of.. children can't, you are stuck with them.. forever.. both of you.. and whatever your feelings on the other parents and how that may change you still have the children.

Here's one you will love... I couldn't marry OH if I wanted to as I am technically still married to XH.. our children now have 2 happy parents rather than 2 miserable ones.. 2 new people in their lives and are looking forward to a new baby brother or sister in a few weeks.

If we all lived our lives by other peoples outdated ideals the world would be a very boring place to be.

Marriage is a part of religion. Religion which was thought up by the powers that be to keep the uneducated masses in line before police and laws and justice became a vague concept.. time moves on and I would hope this is now a more civilised society than in years BC. So I am really not sure if religion or marriage actually has a place in our 'developed' society.

HEATHEN!!!!!!!!!!!11111

We could always do it the Vatican way. You know, 'marry' innocent children and then swap them around.

neneromanova

swingaloo wrote: »

One lady in our street is waiting till her three girls are a bit older so they can all be bridesmaids!

I just struggle to understand why the baby comes before the commitment to each other. Im not trying to upset anyone with my view, I would just like to understand.

Things just don't go the way you plan though. I did want to be married before I started kids but my DD came along first. I wouldn't change it though.

I'm waiting til my children get to a good age so that they can be involved aswell. Nothing wrong with that. It means that they'll always be in our photos and we can cherish them forever.

You could also say though that Children are more of a commitment than marraige. You can be married for 20 years and then break up. That's it. Not commitment to each other anymore. Yet if you have children you have a life long commitment to each other weather you like it or not so I would say kids are worth more than marraige.

pigpen

Fang wrote: »

HEATHEN!!!!!!!!!!!11111

We could always do it the Vatican way. You know, 'marry' innocent children and then swap them around.

Oh I am so much worse than heathen..I'm not even baptised pmsl...

geri1965_2

sneezyboots wrote: »

Seems the people from secondary school nearly all went to uni (apart from the one married with children) and are now battling to build their careers first.

Which is all well and good until they find that they have been so busy with their "career" that they leave it to late to conceive and have to have fertility treatment.

brians_daughter

Just picking up on a few points you have made...from a personal point of view

Ive heard people say they wont marry because it may not work out, yet they will produce children together and not worry about it working out.

We arent married, and never plan to - we speak about it, but we never have planned to get married. Every responisble parent worries about their relationship with their oh, to be the best, teach the kids right from wrong, to be a secure loving family unit. For me my parents (esp mother) are strict Catholics and meant 'for better for worse' Her better for worse meant spending years with my father who without going into details here it certianally wasnt a healthy relationship. If me and my oh ever split (either as hubby and wife or simply after being in a relationship for over a decade) we will still be parents we wwill still want the best for all 3 of our kids and we will always do our best by them

I just struggle to understand why the baby comes before the commitment to each other. Im not trying to upset anyone with my view, I would just like to understand

Having a baby together is way more commitment than a nice day and a piece of paper (see, thats how i view marrriage) We have 3 kids and every time each has been planned and wanted and loved. I wanted us all to share the same family name due to the fact that i want the same name as my children as does their father - i changed my name by deedpoll for £35..now all 5 of us have the same surname. My oh was willing to change his when we discussed children initially but my old name was awful and i was glad of the chance to get rid of it to be honest


In a strange way I feel we owe it to our children to provide them with a secure family upbringing.

I challenge you to come to my home and find a more committed family unit. In the last 5 years of our relationship (we have been together over 10 years) we have endured the death of 3 very close family members, both our best friends, a child, One of us cancer and a debilitating health condition that left me in a wheel chair for 18 months plus much more. Just because we are not married and cant clutch to that little bit of paper doesnt mean we are any less committed than the Mr and Mrs down the road. Infact, i would go as far as to say we are more committed. Being married makes seperation 'hard' ie time, money expense. Living together means that if one wished they could simply leave the other one without the whole divorce thing. Yes there will be houses, children, access etc but divorce proceedings are a massive strain on anyone.

See at the end of the day its all about opinion, life experiences and religion. Many. or most married due to religious beliefs and traditions. In todays society UK Christianity is declining at a vast rate with that goes the 'sanctity' of marriage. I am not religious, therefore i did not wish to marry infront of a 'god' of any form, and i dont need the local registrar to proclaim to everyone how much in love we are, thats obvious when you look at us! Religious decline and the dis engagement of marriage also go hand in hand with the decline in Baptisms in the UK (but thats for a different thread i feel!)

milliebear00001

Children are a massive commitment (in that you should be committed to them) but they do not mean the parents are committed to each other, just because they have a child together.

The problems are not with unmarried parents who have a loving, stable relationship, and then decide to have a child together, to bring up together, with the intention that it will be that way forever. The problems are with people who fall into a relationship, have a baby (planned or not) and then are apart very quickly. No problem for the parents, but perhaps a huge one for the child/ren? It is not impossible that this will happen with a married couple, but it is, statistically, much less likely.

I have no strong feelings about marriage (for other people) either way, but I can see how marriage might mean people have thought about their commitment to each other a bit more, before they embark on parenthood.

Fang_3

pigpen wrote: »

Oh I am so much worse than heathen..I'm not even baptised pmsl...

Think yourself lucky! The Priests aren't using water to 'wet' the baby's head anymore. Bloody perverts!

hermanmunster_3

Clutching a bit of paper? Haven't seen the bit of paper for years.....!!!!

Marriage is very important, however the names people use are irrelevant - most of my female friends never changed their names on marriage (professional reasons), my kids are used to my friend's kids (and mine) having their father's surname and mum wondering around with a different name..

brians_daughter

hermanmunster wrote: »

Marriage is very important, however the names people use are irrelevant - QUOTE]

Again, i go back to my original point that its how we all view things.. you feel miarriage is important but names arent, i am the complete opposite to you I like us to all share the same name but do not wish to be married! All that matters at the end of the day is that children are loved, wanted,secure and cared for. Ideally by 2 parents, but 1 parent is fine too. I am currently conducting a study as part of my degree course on children within and outside of marriage so your views are all of interest me in an academic way!

pigpen

Fang wrote: »

Think yourself lucky! The Priests aren't using water to 'wet' the baby's head anymore. Bloody perverts!

*makes a mental note NOT to lick a freshly 'baptised' baby*