What happened to getting married before having children?

lauren_1

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Do younger people not believe in keeping their promises?

This is why I never married. I wouldn't marry anyone that i didn't think would take the vows seriously, I would, I only want to do it once.

The first man who proposed is on marriage 3 and the second already had a failed marriage all because they are cheats. Can anyone see why I said no?

And i love the presumption that they were the ones I had children with, they were not. DD's father didnt stick around (i was 17 then) and ds's dad didnt want to get married as it was just abit of paper (he too had a failed marriage previous to having ds)

Fang_3

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Not necessarily. The world is full of men who never (or rarely) see their children. For a man, fathering a child is no commitment whatsoever, whatever some women manage to persuade themselves.

Reality proves you wrong.

Fang_3

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Do younger people not believe in keeping their promises?

They're not as naive as their predecessors and far better informed. Religion no longer has a grip on youth as it once did.

Fang_3

Spender wrote: »

So are you saying that the majority of benefit scroungers are unmarried and just live together so that they can claim seperately and get more benefits?:eek:

You can't live together and claim separately. So there's another of your crackpot attempts to twist words blown out of the water. Do try harder.

Fang_3

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But they, presumably preferred to stay together. Perhaps their marriage vows actually meant something to them.

To the detriment of their happiness. Shackled together, united in misery. It's hardly a recipe for a positive view of marriage.

INT1

I think the modern attitude towards marriage is that "It's just a bit of paper"

Many young families, myself included have kids before the marriage. It's just such an old fashioned way of thinking if you get married first.

Marriages are so expensive these days that I would prefer to put my money towards having a good standard of living for me, partner and kid/s. Then if we get any extra money, we can put that aside towards a marriage.

brians_daughter

janninew wrote: »

That's a very true statement, I've got a good friend who has fallen pregnant very recently and apparently it was a complete surprise!Nothing to do with her being on the pill, being the most forgetful women in the world and most days forgetting to take it!!

In my case, I had my first baby, and loved it so much I didn't bother to use contraception again with hubby and low and behold I'm preggars again!! Definietly not a surprise!! :T

Oh we got a suprise alright with our last one... my oh had the snip after ds2 was born, 12 months after his op we got our suprise - we were the one of the failure statistics!!

I will be going to be sterilised in the future and if we STILL manage to conceive after that then it is seperate beds for us!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

seven-day-weekend

INT1 wrote: »

I think the modern attitude towards marriage is that "It's just a bit of paper"

Many young families, myself included have kids before the marriage. It's just such an old fashioned way of thinking if you get married first.

Marriages are so expensive these days that I would prefer to put my money towards having a good standard of living for me, partner and kid/s. Then if we get any extra money, we can put that aside towards a marriage.

Marriage is a legal relationship and has no monetary value.

Weddings, on the other hand, do cost, but do not have to be at all expensive.

From this website:
http://www.bristol.gov.uk/ccm/content/Community-Living/Marriages/registering-a-marriage.en?page=2

Costs from 1st April 2010 - 31st March 2011

Fees payable from 1st April 2010 to 31st March 2011
NB These fees DO NOT include notice fee of £67
Location of Ceremony Day of Week Cost
Register Office, The Old Council House

Monday to Saturday

£43.50

Morgan_Ree

INT1 wrote: »

I think the modern attitude towards marriage is that "It's just a bit of paper"

Many young families, myself included have kids before the marriage. It's just such an old fashioned way of thinking if you get married first.

Marriages are so expensive these days that I would prefer to put my money towards having a good standard of living for me, partner and kid/s. Then if we get any extra money, we can put that aside towards a marriage.

i think that's what it all boils down to.
Of corse it being old fashioned does not make it wrong! It's just a personal choice now.
There is no longer that stigma attached to being an unmarried mum.

It doesn't make you a better parent, nor does it make your relationship more solid.

Plans_all_plans

We have recently married, but have a 3 year old daughter. It was incredibly important to me to get married and I was absolutely mortified that I'd had a child outside of marriage (as was the rest of my family) I think it depends on how you're brought up: we are church-goers and no-one in mine or my husband's extended family are divorced or have had children outside of marriage as far as we know, so we were the first not to be married before having children.

If my husband hadn't been prepared to marry me then I could not have stayed in the relationship as I wasn't happy to join myself to him financially or move in with him unless we were married. I also wanted more than one child (as does my husband) but I didn't want any more children if we weren't married.

I'm only just 25 and maybe I'm old fashioned, but to be honest I could've avoided a lot of worry if we hadn't had sex before marriage!