What happened to getting married before having children?

jackieglasgow

I agree with you poppyoscar. I know someone who stayed in a terrible (by the end) marriage too long. The man died a sad existence a year after they finally called it quits, after he assaulted her once too often (once was too often IMO but it was up to her to decide when to call it a day), and now, four years later, she is terminally ill, and has been sick since the day she got shot of him, and had no good life on her own. Or at least not the life she should have. Life is too short to stay in a bad relationship, married or not. But there is a difference in a bad relationship, and one which is having problems, and I think that marriage, or/and children make you think twice about ending things when the going gets tough.

seven-day-weekend

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I don't see it quite like that. My parents were married for 50 years and by the end they did not like each other much. I would have preferred that they split up and lived happier lives apart.Why have a miserable life just because in the eyes of some people it is the right thing to do.

And my parents were married very happily for over 60 years. I myself have been married for nearly forty and we enjoy each others' company as much as we have always done. It's not automatic that you will stop loving each other.

Anyway, imho, if you have made promises to someone in front of other people and, if you are a believer, before God, then you'll also make more of an effort when times are tough. Even in the strongest relationship there will be tough times. The legal bond, and more importantly, the promises solemnly made, will help pull you through.

POPPYOSCAR

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

And my parents were married very happily for over 60 years. I myself have been married for nearly forty and we enjoy each others' company as much as we have always done. It's not automatic that you will stop loving each other.

Anyway, imho, if you have made promises to someone in front of other people and, if you are a believer, before God, then you'll also make more of an effort when times are tough. Even in the strongest relationship there will be tough times. The legal bond, and more importantly, the promises solemnly made, will help pull you through.

I don't recall anyone saying that it was - I know I certainly didn't.

My mum made my dads life a misery for as long as I can remember. I Believe he would have had a much more fulfilled life without her, it was a shame he died before she did.

kindofagilr

Torry_Quine wrote: »

My point is that you have made that choice to have a lavish wedding.

Yes we have choose to do that, I dont see the problem, we want not a lavish wedding, but the wedding we want, we wanted a baby first, we have a son, and are now saving for the wedding.

POPPYOSCAR

kindofagilr wrote: »

Yes we have choose to do that, I dont see the problem, we want not a lavish wedding, but the wedding we want, we wanted a baby first, we have a son, and are now saving for the wedding.

I think thats great. Hope you have a lovely wedding.

Wow - Just seen the birth weight of your son!!
Congratulations on giving up smoking as well.(I never ever thought my OH would give up smoking, he used to roll his own, but he gave up when our son was born and has never smoked since.)

clairec79

maggied wrote: »

She didn't know taking antibiotics could affect your pill

See I just don't believe that, every time I've been prescribed antibiotics the GP has always said (different GPs), last time I got antibiotics the pharmacist took me to one side, saying he'd noticed I had a contraceptive pill on repeat and that the antibiotics can affect that (pointed out I was 23 weeks pregnant so a bit late for that conversation but thanks anyway - I didn't realise breakthrough bleeding was a sign it wasn't working though, so maybe this pregnancy wasn't one of the completely out of the blue ones)

I do think pregnancy is better in a stable relationship, but I don't agree that that has to be a married relationship - we will have 4 children and 2 of the were conceived prior to marriage and then 2 after, the unplanned pregnancy (whilst married) is the one which has put most strain on the relationship

I just see having a child together as a bigger commitment than getting married, if you divorce (and have no children) then you can both walk away, with children you are going to be involved with each others lives forever (at least 18 years, but in truth even after that)

kaya

getting married costs you money, having kids gets you more benefits money, its a no brainer if your a benefit scrounger

Oldernotwiser

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I don't see it quite like that. My parents were married for 50 years and by the end they did not like each other much. I would have preferred that they split up and lived happier lives apart..

But they, presumably preferred to stay together. Perhaps their marriage vows actually meant something to them.

Oldernotwiser

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

You could be right. I think he did care for her in a way but I think is was more a generation thing where you just did not get divorced(they were catholic as well)

Do younger people not believe in keeping their promises?

Oldernotwiser

clairec79 wrote: »

I just see having a child together as a bigger commitment than getting married, if you divorce (and have no children) then you can both walk away, with children you are going to be involved with each others lives forever (at least 18 years, but in truth even after that)

Not necessarily. The world is full of men who never (or rarely) see their children. For a man, fathering a child is no commitment whatsoever, whatever some women manage to persuade themselves.