What happened to getting married before having children?

Fang_3

JodyBPM wrote: »

That's the point! You feel like you do, and would like to get married.
If he feels like that, why wouldn't he want to marry you?

Because some people don't want to get married. Some people are secure enough in themselves and their relationships that they don't need it.

Fang_3

Can I also just say that anyone who says 'for better for worse' blindly must be stupid. Or a hypocrite. One of the two. Worse could mean that you get beaten black and blue every day and pimped out until 5am every night. Would anyone stay for that? Is anyone so desperate for 'commitment' that they'd live through that for a promise that they mind in times of good?

Fang_3

Spender wrote: »

So by your reckoning every married person is insecure and sad?

No. Try not to jump to conclusions that you don't understand. However, anyone who thinks that a piece of paper makes their relationship better, or more committed than someone without is.

Fang_3

Spender wrote: »

And some people use that excuse for waiting time until they meet the right person that they can marry.

And some people, quite a lot actually, are forced into marriage. Are we just trading information here or do you have a well hidden point?

PolishBigSpender

Fang wrote: »

Because some people don't want to get married. Some people are secure enough in themselves and their relationships that they don't need it.

What about some people that believe getting married and THAN having children is the right and moral thing to do? What about those (I know, it's hard to believe) that believe it's a sin to live together before marriage? What about those for whom marriage is the final commitment? What about all the rest that is getting married for all those different reasons?
For you these are all insecure people that need a piece of paper to prove something? I am very sorry for you.

My experience is more along the lines (as mention before by Oldernotwiser) - women not wanting to admit that actually they would like to get married, but their partner doesn't want it. Sad, really.

Fang_3

Spender wrote: »

I take it your parents werent married then?:)

You're wrong. They've been married for twenty odd years. Together for thirty. My grandparents have been married for sixty six years and all my uncles and aunts are married.

However I did grow up as a second class citizen thinking that I'd never be able to get married, so it has never occurred to me that I would, even though now I can. I suppose the ceremony would be quite nice, but I don't need the government to validate my relationship.

JodyBPM

See for me, getting married is *actively* being in a relationship.

Cohabiting is *passively* being in the relationship.

I *chose* my husband, I *chose* to be with him. I'm not just with him because I am, it was a really, truely, a planned active thing, when I committed to him forever. Then, we *chose* to have the children.

When you are co-habiting, its a very passive thing, when you make that commitment (if there is a commitment) - its a "why bother getting married" thing...

I go back to "why not?", and frankly, self respect. If someone wasn't committed enough to marry me before children I'm sorry, I just wouldn't do it, unless I wanted the children more than the man.

Fang_3

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

What about some people that believe getting married and THAN having children is the right and moral thing to do? What about those (I know, it's hard to believe) that believe it's a sin to live together before marriage? What about those for whom marriage is the final commitment? What about all the rest that is getting married for all those different reasons?
For you these are all insecure people that need a piece of paper to prove something? I am very sorry for you.

My experience is more along the lines (as mention before by Oldernotwiser) - women not wanting to admit that actually they would like to get married, but their partner doesn't want it. Sad, really.

I don't judge them, but I do think that they're hypocrites who pick and choose their morals based on their cherry picked passages from whatever religion book they happen to subscribe to.

According to the bible it is a sin to wear two different fabrics, and an abomination to eat shellfish. When I see these so called moral people following all teachings to the letter, then I'll respect them.

But what you mostly get is people who get married because they want to, and I have not problem with that. Until they start bleating that they are somehow better, and it is them that I think are insecure. Don't jump to conclusions and try and twist my words. It won't go well for you.:)

Fang_3

JodyBPM wrote: »

See for me, getting married is *actively* being in a relationship.

Cohabiting is *passively* being in the relationship.

I *chose* my husband, I *chose* to be with him. I'm not just with him because I am, it was a really, truely, a planned active thing, when I committed to him forever. Then, we *chose* to have the children.

When you are co-habiting, its a very passive thing, when you make that commitment (if there is a commitment) - its a "why bother getting married" thing...

I go back to "why not?", and frankly, self respect. If someone wasn't committed enough to marry me before children I'm sorry, I just wouldn't do it, unless I wanted the children more than the man.

That's all fine, but why did you choose to come on here and attack people who don't want or need to do any of that? That says to me that you are insecure. If you were secure in your choices, you wouldn't need to attack.

If your husband started to beat you, would you stay?

Fang_3

Spender wrote: »

So why do you think your parents and grandparents got married?:)

Because they wanted to. There's no other reason. My grandmother didn't need to marry my grandad for security, she was a woman of independent means and has very little regard for convention. Neither have ever wore a wedding ring and up until my uncle was born, my grandmother kept her maiden name. She still works under it.