What happened to getting married before having children?

Oldernotwiser

Spender wrote: »

I think these days it could be down to financial reasons why some people refuse to get married.

Because, for too many people (women?) getting married is all about an expensive, "perfect" day rather than what really matters. It costs far less to get married than it does to have a child.

JodyBPM

For me, I always turn the question of "why get married?" on its head, and say "why not?"

I can't see any good reason not to get married, if you are 100% committed and sure that you will be together for life. Weddings can be cheap, they don't need to be religious, they are a celebration, make people happy and are a damn good excuse for a knees up with the extended family:) Not to mention the more practical legal protection!

I would not have had a child with someone who was not 100% committed to me for life. Therefore, I would not have had a child without being married.

I know that some marriages do end in divorce, of course. However, at least you know that both parties were going into it 100% committed at the time.

pimento

Genealogy is a hobby of mine and it's so much easier to trace a family tree if the parents of a child are married to one another.

pigpen

JodyBPM wrote: »

For me, I always turn the question of "why get married?" on its head, and say "why not?"

Because it is an outdated symbol of male ownership of a female.. wedding bands come from slave shackles.. nice and meaningful!!

I can't see any good reason not to get married, if you are 100% committed and sure that you will be together for life. Weddings can be cheap, they don't need to be religious, they are a celebration, make people happy and are a damn good excuse for a knees up with the extended family:) Not to mention the more practical legal protection!

I was certain XH and I would be together forever.. but we weren't..

I would not have had a child with someone who was not 100% committed to me for life. Therefore, I would not have had a child without being married.

You can not be certain what is in someone elses heart or head.. words come easy enough.. I will love you and only you forever and ever and ever.. there you go.. words.. they mean nothing!

I know that some marriages do end in divorce, of course. However, at least you know that both parties were going into it 100% committed at the time.

Not necessarily.. they may be getting married as it is 'expected' as my parents did.

Better excuse for a party.. a new baby..

Mutter_2

This is all very interesting. Not.

Why here anyway? Should be on Arms or discussion boards.

shandypants5

Around here there is an attitude that means many young girls deliberately have a baby to "get a house".

Then they get rid of the [STRIKE]doner/loser [/STRIKE]father as soon as possible.
Then they look for a "better" father figure.

If they find one they try to lock him in by getting pregnant "accidentally".
He then leaves and the whole cycle starts again.

MARRIAGE would take WAY too much commitment and planning.

Mrs Shandy and I lived together in my flat for a year, then bought our first house, then got married on the cheap because we wanted to try for a baby. Seems old fashioned now but I am glad we did it that way.

do_it_today!

Hi :hello:

Im married but we all have different names (I like mine too much!) - may review this as people seem to be confused about it. DH has never pressured me about it either.

married before baby arrived, which Im happy about but if baby had come first Im not sure I would have bothered with a 'big' day I dont think we would have had the energy tbh!

in reality to get married doesnt have to be expensive we just chose it to be.

I like being married for me and my husband it is a big commitment however many people get married and divorced and many people marry without being committed... I think the main reasons for relationships breaking down are about not having the skills to deal with the tricky issues that arise in relationships and keeping the good stuff going and growing. I dont think many people enter relationships / parenthood thinking they'll leave at first sign of trouble. I think they just get to a point where all they can see is a brick wall. Although there are people who have no business getting together or getting married in the 1st place!

jtr2803

For me personally I would want to get married before having children, just because I would like that commitment before I had my partners child. I have absolutely no problem with unmarried couples and I think it is an individual choice, I wouldn't never be so bold as to suggest unmarried couples are not good parents!

Actually, even if OH and I decided not to have children I would still like to get married..........unfortunately he doesn't seem to be in any rush :rotfl:.

My grandparents were married for 60 odd years and had 3 children but they HATED each other, they purely stayed together becuase that's just what their generation did - they found a girl, got married and had kids, it was as simple as that. My best friends parents also followed that path and have a rubbish relationship, but again, they wont divorce. I don't honestly believe in all cases that because a couple are still married it means they are happy.

Perhaps the reason behind it is that many of us effectively lead 'married' lives before being legally committed and I know of many men who have remarked that they don't need to get married as it doesn't change their day to day situation. I tend to find in my social circle that it is mostly the men who have no desire to get married whilst the women would love to have that commitment regardless of whether they had a 'big day' or not.

Torry_Quine

I love it when people say we didn't plan to have a baby before we got married it just happened that way! Obviously you were behaving in such a way that a baby was a possibility so if you didn't plan a baby before marriage you shouldn't have been together and waited until after the wedding.

iolanthe07

People who say that marriage is 'just a piece of paper' really don't get it at all. Lifelong commitment for better or worse is so much more than 'a bit of paper'.