It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

northwest1965

Annie56 - I'm glad that you are sounding positive, I think I'd have done the same!!:rotfl:

I remember after leaving my last partner how good I felt when i moved into my flat on my own. No mess to come home to, towels would stay where I left them ( and not end up soaking wet on the floor). I had to work 2 jobs though to manage, which I did happily. You learn quite a lot about you when you're on your own. I stopped settling for 2nd best and made the decision that the next person I would be with would treat me as his number 1. I'm with him now and we are eloping in 6 weeks time:T.
Hope the allotment works out for you, you lucky girl. What part of the UK are you in now?

northwest1965

Annie56 wrote: »

Its the back of a converted big Victorian house and I have a lovley new fitted kitchen and bathrom a decent sized lounge and a massive bedroom all high ceilings BUT just storage heaters so am keeping an eye on the leccie meter.

They were talking storage heaters today
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/531601

Annie56

Hi Northwest

Im in Staffordshire, though originally from Lanarkshire in Scotland where I was born, been down here in England quite a while..

I also lived in Argyllshire when I was quite young, when Im on my feet and all the financial and divorce is sorted out Id love to move somewhere in the country and go down the self sufficiency route but thats a long while off in the future, am unemployed at the moment due to having just been made redundant but am optimistic and intend going back into nursing/midwifery, I gave that up 4 years ago to move to Staffordshire with my then husband so need to look at getting back into it and all that.

Im looking forward to finding myself, I buried too much of myself trying to keep the peace in a marriage that was over 5 years ago but was ever hopeful that he would mend his womanising ways, realised he wouldnt when he shoutedat me a month ago so hit him on the head with a small frying pan said no more matey and am flying solo, its hard but exciting but daunting but Im a survivor and will not be a victim roll on tommorow

Annie56

greent

purpleheather2810 wrote: »

I find Flylady great. I try and follow it when I can. Her philosophies about letting go of perfectionism and breaking things down into baby steps have really helped me to get some kind of structure and routine and it makes manageing the household easier without becoming a slave to housework

Greent, you iron muslins??!! [/QUOTE]

I like Flylady too - I found her when DS2 was 4 months old, and it was a great help with establishing a catch up... (I ignore the religion side of it, though...)

Yep - I iron everything (well, I don't iron towels (except tea towels), pants & socks - think pretty much everything else gets ironed (inc bibs:o)) I know I'm my own worst enemy, but I can't abide wearing unironed things or having bedding unironed. I don't, however, care if others want to do that - most of my friends don't iron their clothes and I think no less of them - it's just not something I could do!!:p Blame my mother....)


Gailey - perhaps set yourself shorter to-do lists for a day - that way you can achieve them easier and feel positive about having done so, rather than carrying forward stuff and feeling bad about doing so. I love lists (I know - I'm a bit strange....) I have daily lists and also a list for the week - I try not to have too much on that, but do try and knock one thing off it a day if I can. I also prioritise things on it as to MUST be done (time critical) or NICE to be done and try and group similar tasks (eg things to be done in town/ on way to town).

My MUST be done task this week is prep the VAT return ready to phone accountant first thing with queries next week as it then MUST be submitted to HMRC or there's a penalty:eek:... It's slow going...

parsonswife8

I also have to have lists...:eek:Have done so for years. My mates gave up laughing at me as I just didn't care.:D

greent

parsonswife8 wrote: »

I also have to have lists...:eek:Have done so for years. My mates gave up laughing at me as I just didn't care.:D

My sentiments exactly! I can't survive without lists:)

ceridwen

starsandmoon wrote: »

Good luck Annie56. I left my marriage 3 years ago with nothing and a 5 year old. I privately rented a flat which had carpets, curtains and white goods and moved in with a blow up bed, portable TV and 2 bags of clothes. It was tough at times. Three years on and I am buying a little house (not the best of areas but its ok and neighbours are nice) and I have a new BF. I have 2 jobs and they are both looking shaky. One has the wages frozen and the other is cutting my salary 20%, oh joy.

Its so nice having your own space though and doing what you want and decorating it how you want to. Worth being skint for if you ask me.

...and theres always Freecycle/Freegle where it might be possible to find household goods being given away. On the other hand - I recall dropping off stuff at the local Council dump recently - and being totally astonished by just how much pretty nice furniture was sitting there available to takers (presumably at a nominal handout to the Council workmen running the tip.....?). There was things like wardrobes, dressing tables, chests of drawers, etc - all perfectly serviceable and if someone had cared to strip them off and do something like a colourwash effect/liming/just plain painting them - then they would have looked pretty good...

jediteacher

All this talk of stay at home mums has made me very jealous. I would give my right arm to be at home with my little girl but if I didn't work we would not have any money for food, clothes or the bills. My husbands wages cover the mortgage and that is it! :mad: I have compromised and now work part time but she starts nursey in a few weeks and I'm loathe to give up my two mornings with her.

Lindy_-_Loo

parsonswife8 wrote: »

I also have to have lists...:eek:Have done so for years. My mates gave up laughing at me as I just didn't care.:D

I love lists, have a new one weekly on the fridge. When I had the boys the midwife said I was depressed because I mentioned that my lists were maybe getting longer! With Ds2 I mentioned that I had achieved loads that day and again (the same midwife) said I should see a councillor due to my obsessive lists!:rotfl:

ceridwen

Well - I just take the view that my "default setting" is lazy - hence I make lists/more lists...and then I can see clearly what I should be doing...and manage to achieve most of it...

With "lazy" for a default setting - if I didnt make those lists I seriously wonder just how much I would actually do...

So - I've long done lists for things I should do on the one hand and for what I need/particularly want money available for on the other hand. Having a list of what I still needed money for in order to be reasonably financially straight was how I motivated myself with all the "second income"/overtime things I did for so long. I kept that up until I had my finances reasonably under control and then decided that that was pretty much "done" and I had reached an age where I thought it was enough to just do a full-time job from then onwards - so cut out the extra money-earning things.

Right now...items ticked off the list for tonight:
- stew greengages
- bottle up damsons
- make bread

Hopefully I'll manage to get myself to do a bit more yet tonight...