It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

purpleheather2810

Annie56, welcome to the thread, what a brave lady xx

katholicos

Annie56, one of the worst things i ever did was to marry (my now ex-husband) and one of the best things i ever did was to leave him. I left with my 2 kids and my dog and walked about 4 or 5 miles in the pouring rain late at night, to get us to safety. The only time i ever look back on that episode of my life is with regret that i ever got involved with the man in the first place.... and with gratitude that I left him while i was still living. I was distraught at first, because i'm not a quitter and i put up with a LOT before i decided that i could stomach no more, but after years of trying absolutely everything to make it work, it eventually dawned on me that it was being intolerably cruel to the children in making them endure so much just so that i could try over and over to hold the family together.

It's been a tough ten, nearly eleven years, but every day i am grateful that i don't have to wake up in fear of what lies ahead of me each day... and every night i now get to go to sleep without crying myself to sleep.

All the best to you as you start out on your new path...try to look at your future as a new adventure...one with limitless possibilities and embrace your freedom and independence :-)

purpleheather2810

Not just one brave lady then, but lots xxx

Thats_Me_3

Gailey/Sammy-Kaye - b**ger the housework! If your men are so bothered about it, point them in the direction of the hoover & duster! As a mum of 2 adult children, you look back and never think *I wish I had spent more time on housework*! Take a tip and enjoy your kids while they are still kids, you will turn round one day and wonder where these adults have come from! As well, being a stay at home Mum, my 29 yr and 34 yr daughters have both said to me that they were really glad that I stayed at home. The eldest said she would have been frightened to come home to an empty house, as so many of her friends did. You may not have as much money, things, cars, holidays etc, but you have your kids and that is the most important thing in the world.

xx

mustbemad68

There have been a lot of thought provoking posts recently which have made me examine my life at the moment. I have realised that I have been neglecting my home life (OH and two teenage DD) because I have been getting too involved with Guides.
I felt that as teenagers they are both doing well and didn't need me as much but I can see now that they just need me in a different way!
I have to make some tough decisions about which parts of guiding I drop and basically who I am going to let down, but I will regret it later if I don't do it now.:(

EstherH

Gailley, Sammy and anybody else in the same situation. Every child is different and some children are very compliant and will play with one toy at a time very happily but others can't and there is nothing you can do to change them. When my eldest was very little, before he was 'officially' supposed to be aware of things, if I took something off him and put it behind my back he would look for it and cry if I didn't give it back. There was no distracting him with something else. People who haven't experienced that can't understand why you can't distract your child. Also had a friend who's daughter would sit quietly and play with doll while you chatted, mine were rolling all over the floor. They weren't naughty, just different personalities. They have grown up into lovely adults and that isn't just my biased oppinion
and I'm only saying that to show that saying 'one toy at a time' doesn't work with all children just because it worked for mother and your hubby was like that. It is no reflection on you as a mother.
Gailley, as others have said, you leave me feeling exhausted reading all that you achieve in a day and Sammy you are doing a good job and your baby is tiny. Your OH's will have to understand that there are more important things than show houses. Don't know how you get that through to them though lol!

purpleheather2810

My DH has never really commented on the state of the house - now that mine are a little older (5 and 2) I do find the time to have a quick tidy up before he gets home for tea so the place doesn't look TOO bad! However, now he works from home a lot of the time so that trick doesn't work!! Damn!

Lindy_-_Loo

I'm not a believer in the one toy at a time rule, my boys are 5 and 3 and tend to play games that can last over days which involve pillows, army soldiers, maybe even the kitchen foil. They had 4 other children from mums and tots here today and everything was out - I must admit I did have to ask for some of the children to tidy up before getting out more stuff as couple of bits were trodded on and broke!

Im a SAHM, we have OH salary (wish it was better!) and cTC, WTC. We dont have as much cash too spend as some but the boys seem happy which is important. Many friends have missed out on so much of their childrens lives and seem to stress over who willl have their little ones if their ill and they are working.

Off to town for OH birthday present when DS2 wakes from nap and saves me from DS1 re - telling me the game play of BEn 10. He has just finished his first full year at school and asked today if he can go back to school now he has been off for long enugh! so glad he likes it, DS2 then pipes up that he is going to school although he cant grasp that its not till 6th october.

anyone who has children waiting for GCSE results - hope they did good x

Lindy_-_Loo

purpleheather2810 wrote: »

My DH has never really commented on the state of the house - now that mine are a little older (5 and 2) I do find the time to have a quick tidy up before he gets home for tea so the place doesn't look TOO bad! However, now he works from home a lot of the time so that trick doesn't work!! Damn!

my OH has had 2 weeks off these holidays and has finally realised how difficult it can be to get stuff done with 5 and 3 yr old boys running round or 'needing you' to be part of a game or play something.

He says he has never mentioned if the house was a mess as he knows I wouldnt have nice reply for him and he would probably be given the hoover!

Primrose

mustbemad - this will be a difficult decision for you because I'm sure the work you do with Guides is very rewarding, both for you and them, and you're also doing a very important thing for young people, some of whom may not have the same anchoring home stability as your children, and for whom this is a valuable part of their growing-up education. Why not talk to your children and see how they feel about it before making any decision.