Help! Misses has aquired massive debts

Donegal_Paul

jobbingmusician wrote:

I wasn't being funny, thought you must not have understood (and so did another poster).

And you obviously didn't understand fully - OK, I wasn't too clear. My further thoughts were that if he has problems saying 'thank you', it makes me wonder just how unhappy and confused his partner is.............

Quick make way for the psychotherapist!
Ok, a bit below the belt but the OP is not here for Marital / relationship advice FGS!

Mirtos

Donegal, you're really not helping get the thread back on track.

Donegal_Paul

hula-hoops wrote:

Get a grip, OP! You said you didn't want your children to grow up with 'memories of men coming to take away the TV'. Admittedly that's not exactly what anybody wants but the alternative (yelling, screaming, calling her a 'stupid cow', etc) is also not the way to go and far more damaging to a child than growing up without a TV.

Come on, he may have been being anecdotal but it makes the worry and emotion behind it no less troublesome! Also, i still havent been pointed to the post where he was shouting or yelling at her? Yes i saw the one where he'd called her a stupid cow, though this was him expressing on here, not at her, and not infront of the kids so your above paragraph is irrelevant to the OP.

From what you have been saying, you are the breadwinner for the family so therefore everything will be in your name anyway. Capital One can't send bailiffs round - only the courts can do that and I am sure you are a long way off the courts being involved or you would know about it by now. So the fear of bailiffs is, at the moment, not necessary.

How would he know it by now? until the bailiffs came knocking he'd have no way to know if the courts are involved unless he happened accross a court order (like the one I happened accross last night that i still have to approach my mrs about!)

For the sake of your children, help your girlfriend pay off these debts. Swallow your pride and sell off some things, take on extra work, cut down on your expenses to get it paid off. That way it certainly won't come to the bailiffs. Your girlfriend may have made a huge mistake but the children have done nothing wrong and they are as much your responsibility as hers. You owe it to them to get it sorted out - as much as you are financially able.

Yeah do that, work your b*llocks off even more!
PS that was sarcasm!
!!!!!!, yes,
the children are his responsibility as much as hers but ............

Donegal_Paul

hula-hoops wrote:

If this were my husband, I would stand by him. No matter what he had done he is still my husband and I have vowed to stand by him through thick and thin. And I have. And I will over and over again. No matter what it takes. That's marriage.

No that's not marraige actually, a big part of marraige is trust which the OP and his other half have plenty in abuuuuuuunnnnnnnddd........................


Oh hang on!!!!!

[/QUOTE]I would walk across hot coals to keep my family together and to stop bailiffs taking away what we have. We have debts far higher than the OP but I'll be damned if our children ever have to suffer because of that.[/QUOTE]

The amount of debts immaterial, its the consequences that matter. And ill be damned if my kids would suffer either, but that does not always mean the parents staying together!

Donegal_Paul

Mirtos wrote:

Donegal, you're really not helping get the thread back on track.

Indeed, so, who else is then? eh?

Donegal_Paul

renegade wrote:

Whilst I sympathise with your dilemma over the problem your OH has got herself into,I cant help wondering why she did not ask you if she could open a cc in your name and give you the reasons for wanting it? It sounds to me like this is a case of lack of communication between the two of you, Why is this so? You have lived together for a long time , why cant she talk to you about stuff and why is she clamming up now instead of explaining things to you, is it because this has happened before and you bailed her out or is she so secretive that she has something to hide? Please sit her down and thrash this out calmly (easier said than done I know), but you cannot just sit through this without dialogue, nothing will ever get resolved. Good luck in your endeavours.

I dont ever understand the need for my OH to come and ask me to opena CC in my name / joint name? Maybe im naive but that would start ringing alarm bells straight away?

Bambywamby

My o/h has a credit card in his name and one in mine that he pays for
its called lurrrrrrrrve.

never_again_2

Dark_stranger said on page 7 that he wanted to end this thread we are now on page 11! I really think we should respect he wishes and stop now. This bickering between people isn't constructive and is causing quite a nasty atmosphere on this normally helpful and supportive site. Yesterday there were a lot of people that were quite uneasy with the wording of the opening of this thread (me included) and others by the responses, so some things were written that shouldn't have been. Over all the thread has become one big unpleasant argument. Dark_stranger clearly doesn’t want to pursue this any further and has stopped posting, so who is this in aid of? It's not helping anyone so can we please just stop it now?

Gorgeous_George

Here's a thought.

1. Get the house into OP's name only - if it isn't already.

2. Separate. Gf changes her address to live back at her parents with or without the kids.

3. Now, gf writes to the cc company. She tells them how much she earns and asks them how they propose she pays it off BY HERSELF but offers x pounds a month IF THEY FREEZE THE INTEREST. x could be as little as £56 over 15 years.

The CC company should take some responsibility for their irresponsible lending. If they refuse, let them take it to court.

Is that such a bad idea?



GG

jodie

Gorgeous_George wrote:

Here's a thought.

1. Get the house into OP's name only - if it isn't already.

2. Separate. Gf changes her address to live back at her parents with or without the kids.

3. Now, gf writes to the cc company. She tells them how much she earns and asks them how they propose she pays it off BY HERSELF but offers x pounds a month IF THEY FREEZE THE INTEREST. x could be as little as £56 over 15 years.

The CC company should take some responsibility for their irresponsible lending. If they refuse, let them take it to court.

Is that such a bad idea?



GG

Thats an excellent idea, im sure some will disagree though