Help! Misses has aquired massive debts

Little_Miss_Winner

He has never used the thanks button! Sorry if unclear

Please don't be funny! What i was asking you, i will spell it out, should I.
What has that got do do with anything?

Mizz_Pink

Hi,

I think that if your girlfriend wants this debt clearing then she needs to start being honest and open with you. It will help knowing where all this money went so ask for her statements, as someone has already mentioned.

If you can it needs to be transfered onto a 0% card, possibly in your name. Then give her an allowance each week for food and things the kids need. If she has cash given to her for expensive haircuts then she needs to find a new hairdresser, I pay £8 for a wet trim and I colour my hair at home.

You need to make sure you offer all the help you can give, if its turned down then there is nothign else you can do for her.

Possibly suggest her talking to someone you both know who can then relay it back to you. Not the best suggestion , she may feel to scared/intimidated/embarrassed to open up to you.

All the best

Mel

pounds_and_pensive

jobbingmusician wrote:

The OP has been thanked for clarifying a point, but has yet press a simple button to issue a single thank you to any contributor to this thread......

If, in their desperation for advice or their concern for their security, someone has overlooked the 'thanks' button or not yet grasped it's 'value' to some people, then I have no problem with that at all.

If we post in order to help each other (which I always thought was the case) then I'm happy to try to help too. If we post just to stack up 'thanks', then I'm off to do price comparison click-throughs on Quidco instead.

'Thanks' Quidco.

Little_Miss_Winner

exactly!.......

RubyMurray

dark_stranger wrote:

I wanted advise about where i stand with balifs, what they can/can not take, advise on approaching CC Companies, links to sites, etc. I never once mentioned i needed advise on bringing up my kids or gardening (ok, bit extreme). But you see my point. I got more than i bargined for, and that seems to be the trend for this week, 10k skinter.

I posted something last night about bailiffs but I'll say again don't panic, the credit card company cannot send them round, only the courts have the power to do that, and that is if you fail to pay a court order. As Jodie said, you should never let them in, as once they have been given access to your property they can return and break in legally, also if they can gain access through an open door or window they can get in legally, but you do not have to let them in. The laws on bailiffs are rather odd, I always compare them to the laws of vampires!

Anyway don't worry, I'm sure it will never come to bailiffs if an arrangement can be made with the credit card company. Get in touch with Payplan who can negotiate a settlement on your behalf, and the National Debt Line who will give you all sorts of information about where you stand with your debts, bailiffs etc. (this organisation is a lifesaver, they helped me sleep at night again!). Links to these sites are at the top of the forum.

jobbingmusician

potogold wrote:

Please don't be funny! What i was asking you, i will spell it out, should I.
What has that got do do with anything?

I wasn't being funny, thought you must not have understood (and so did another poster).

And you obviously didn't understand fully - OK, I wasn't too clear. My further thoughts were that if he has problems saying 'thank you', it makes me wonder just how unhappy and confused his partner is.............

Anwen_2

dark_stranger wrote:

or it may give her access to even more money that is required to pay bills, etc at the mo i dont trust her enough to take that risk and possibly loose even more.

I didn't mean a joint account (as above, it *would* link your credit histories if they aren't already) but e.g. get her to put her wages into your account, from which the debt payments would be made, as well as the bills.

pounds_and_pensive

jobbingmusician wrote:

And you obviously didn't understand fully - OK, I wasn't too clear. My further thoughts were that if he has problems saying 'thank you', it makes me wonder just how unhappy and confused his partner is.............

Either this is getting really ridiculous now, or PayPlan are about to insist that all clients sign up to 'Relate' before they can be of any financial help. Good grief.

There's a system at play in our society that allows otherwise rational and well-balanced people to believe that lining the pockets of big financial companies in order to borrow an as-yet unearned future is normal, then profits further when it inevitably all goes wrong. Not only does it allow this, it actively encourages it.

I'd hate to see The System win. I'd hate to see The Curse Of Dear Deirdre Win. I hate that dark_stranger has started a thread asking for help and feel that nothing of substance is forthcoming. Most of all I hate to think that, on this occasion, we've let him and his family down.

MSE and the DFWs aren't Relate, they're normally a very effective weapon in anybody's attempts to face The System head-on and come out on top. Where have all the normal crew gone? The ones that do APRs and SOAs and stuff? If I could speak the lingo, I would, but I'm merely a mathematically inept observer

lynzpower

P&P I really couldnt agree more

But the bottom line is here
dark stranger needs to establish
a) how much debt she is in
b) what it was spent on

When we all did our SOAs this is the time to identify what we were overspending on, or those little weaknesses that stack up cost-wise be it cosmetics, crisps or coffees.

Only the person in debt TRULY knows where the moneys going.

OP hasnt got a clue where the money has gone, sees no evidence of purchases around the home & so on, and I would say, youd notice 10ks worth of gear, honestly, you MUST.

Standard advice on DFW is - dont pay off someone elses debt for them, I said, dont use the wedding money, she needs to take responsibility for what shes done and formulate a plan of what shes going to do to get out of it. Be it extra shifts, finding something to sell , whatever. OP has suggested a 0% card to get it paid back quicker, partner not repsonsive.

Its impossible really to offer advice under these circumstances.

The best thing would be for her to come here, and learn about how to get out of debt and to get on with doing so. But no one can make that lightbulb turn on, thats one thing most DFWs know to be a fact.

achtunglady

First of all d_s,sorry to hear of your situation. Can some of the blame not be given to the credit card company? When they did their credit check, matching names to addresses, did they not see that your other half was Miss XXXXX instead of Mrs XXXXX?

She needs to be open and discuss the debt with you as an adult, not skulk away and go quiet, this won't get debt problem solved. The longer she does this, the more likely things are going to get worse.

If she has missed payments,it is likely that a judgement has been made against her and if these payments are not being met, then the next step is bailiffs knocking at your door.

If she can sit down and tell you how much is owed to who, then you can help her get in touch with them and try and arrange a payment plan ( i just hope its still at the stage where they are prepared to listen and that they havent started legal proceedings).

Its takes alot of patience and biting your tongue and resisting the temptation to ask her what the f**k she spent it on, but stay calm and get the facts you need, then hopefully you can both start to come to some arrangement financially.

I ran up a credit card bill, all be it peanuts compared to your g/f, but i hid it from my OH. I had capital one calling me on phone, even while i was in labour, waiting to go into hospital! I rang them back and arranged to make payments and have stuck by this, as they said that if i defaulted with it then it will go to court and that they will send bailiffs to enforce the debt. My OH said he would pay it off and i refused, as i had run up the bill it was down to me to pay it back. so far i am on track paying it off, only another 3 months left to pay.

Best to set up payment plans rather than have the bailiffs turn up on the doorstep, because the debt will increase as they add their fees for visiting you and more often than not, they want the whole amount there and then, whereas a payment plan would be easier and have less money being paid out but spread amongst all of the people she owes . Take it one step ( but quickly) at a time and see if you can both solve it. Best of luck.