Help! Misses has aquired massive debts

quantumleap

I'm a lurker, have been for some time. I've been following this thread wondering if I had anything constructive to say.

DS, if you are still here, look at lynzpowers last post, it is the most contructive and sensible advise you are likely to get based on the financial information you've provided.

Lynzpower, I may continue to lurk, however, I wanted to say that you really do post some fantastic advice to people on here.

QL

lynzpower

Lynzpower, I may continue to lurk, however, I wanted to say that you really do post some fantastic advice to people on here.

Aww shucks *blushes*

BestFootForward_2

Lnyzpower - As always, well said!

chloe99_2

Thank you pounds-pensive. I couldn't agree more. Have just read the whole of this thread for the first time and I would think that DS is firstly looking for practical advise re bailiffs etc so he knows his worst case scenario, so to speak.

Now I'll have to go in the wrong order!!! - Lastly, he'd be needing to post joint SOA so that he/she/they can have some help working out areas to cut back etc in order to manage the debt, or for advice about other solutions and debt plans etc

But in between, I'm sure that his OH needs to have her OWN lightbulb moment. Yes, DS can help her sort out the debts/take control of debt situation/sort out bank and credit card accounts/offer wedding money etc or whatever suits their personal circumstances, but I would think SHE actually has to be ready to face the debt privately/talk about it with partner/want to get rid of it/commit to getting rid of it and not racking up any more/put together a plan together/act on that plan (in that order!). This process I would guess could take a bit of time and it would not be easy.

I'm sure someone else will be along soon who is more experienced than me and who could give ideas on how DS can help her get to that lightbulb point (WITHOUT getting into their personal lives). Because without his OH accepting the issue and being ready to deal with it, they can't really move forward financially - which I think is what he wants to do.

Sorry, haven't anything more to offer but just thought that, if i'm thinking along the right lines, then this might help clarify the thread.

renegade

Whilst I sympathise with your dilemma over the problem your OH has got herself into,I cant help wondering why she did not ask you if she could open a cc in your name and give you the reasons for wanting it? It sounds to me like this is a case of lack of communication between the two of you, Why is this so? You have lived together for a long time , why cant she talk to you about stuff and why is she clamming up now instead of explaining things to you, is it because this has happened before and you bailed her out or is she so secretive that she has something to hide? Please sit her down and thrash this out calmly (easier said than done I know), but you cannot just sit through this without dialogue, nothing will ever get resolved. Good luck in your endeavours.

moneymare

tigtig wrote:

Dark_stranger. Do you love your girlfriend????? Do you want to be with her and your kids??? Sorry to say it all sounds a little bit like you don't. 10K is a lot of money but at the end of the day that's exactly what it is MONEY nothing more nothing less. I know its a shock to find out she has that much debt.

If you still love her then support her and help her deal with this problem, stop caller her a silly cow etc. If you don't love her then you have an easy way out of the relationship by blaming it on the debt.

There's a problem underlying here that you don't know about and with time you will find out what she has a problem with. She is a human being, we make mistakes, mistakes can me mended.

A mistake happens once.............not 3 or 4 times, that sounds more like a habit.

Personally, I think he should get the hell out of the relationship.......Mate, you only get one crack at life, you shouldn't have to spend it bailing someone else out.

hula-hoops

Get a grip, OP! You said you didn't want your children to grow up with 'memories of men coming to take away the TV'. Admittedly that's not exactly what anybody wants but the alternative (yelling, screaming, calling her a 'stupid cow', etc) is also not the way to go and far more damaging to a child than growing up without a TV.

From what you have been saying, you are the breadwinner for the family so therefore everything will be in your name anyway. Capital One can't send bailiffs round - only the courts can do that and I am sure you are a long way off the courts being involved or you would know about it by now. So the fear of bailiffs is, at the moment, not necessary.

For the sake of your children, help your girlfriend pay off these debts. Swallow your pride and sell off some things, take on extra work, cut down on your expenses to get it paid off. That way it certainly won't come to the bailiffs. Your girlfriend may have made a huge mistake but the children have done nothing wrong and they are as much your responsibility as hers. You owe it to them to get it sorted out - as much as you are financially able.

lynzpower

For the sake of your children, help your girlfriend pay off these debts. Swallow your pride and sell off some things, take on extra work, cut down on your expenses to get it paid off. That way it certainly won't come to the bailiffs. Your girlfriend may have made a huge mistake but the children have done nothing wrong and they are as much your responsibility as hers. You owe it to them to get it sorted out - as much as you are financially able.

I really just could not DISAGREE with this more.

OP has already bailed her out of at least one lot of debt.

OP seems to be bloody hard working why on earth should HE take on extra work when shes not even able to explain what shes spent it on. SHe needs to take responsibility, really its the only way.

Biddyrolo

You're right again Lynz.

joey-lou

You are so right. He can help but SHE has to face it and accept responsibility