Supporting a pregnant partner

xmaslolly76

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

She's giving up half the use of her car. [OP benefits on this one, actually, as he goes from driving an old car all the time to driving a newer car half the time while GF goes from driving a newer car the whole time to a newer car half the time. As long as she doesn't pull rank when there's a conflict and say "it's my car", but there's nor eason to suggest that would happen.] She wont need it so much though with not going to work every day for however long she is off.

She's giving up adult social interaction that she gets from going to work. How? having a baby is only as isolating as you make it there are plenty of opportunites to get out with baby and interact with other adults

She's giving up her body, both in terms of what she can and can't eat / drink and in terms of stuggling with the extra weight of a baby. she isnt giving up her body she is making the decision to have a child no one has a gun to her head (or at least i hope not) and what she will gain far outways any weight or body issues after ask any mother yeah we have a winge about our flabby tummies and stretch marks but i dont think there is one of us who would change it for the world once we have our little babies. As for what she can eat or drink it is relatively little that needs to be avoided for babies sake most of which would not come into many peoples daily diets just the occasional intake, the only thing i can think that could possibly be a daily thing is alcohol and to be honest you shouldnt be drinking daily anyway pregnant or not.

She's giving up phone calls / texts from him that will now be more limited due to his tarrif. Ahh but she will have her shiney new phone with loads of minutes and texts that can be used negating the use of his as she can call him.

She's giving up shared time with him / increased time looking after the baby on her own if he has to wait longer for "free" roadside assistance than he would have done with the AA. I have free breakdown cover with my account and i have never had to wait longer than 30 minutes for someone to arrive and having spent 4yrs working for a breakdown company i can say these contracts are given priority over other breakdowns and have their own dedicated lines as although free to us the banks pay rather large contract fees and the breakdown companies cannot afford to loose them

As i also said in my previous post i hoped i was wrong and i still do resentment is an awfull thing to get over once it sets in.

Person_one

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I don't understand why some of you think she is 'giving up her body'? She's not giving up anything, she'll be bringing new life into the world!

If you think that carrying a child is a sacrafice...just wait until bubs is here!!

Woah...however you much you want a child there is undoubtedly a physical price that women pay for the privilege and men don't. Off the top of my head there's morning sickness, tears, stitches, stretch marks, pelvic floor weakness for years afterwards, backache, loss of mobility near the end, mastitis, gestational diabetes, haemorrhoids, varicose veins, pelvic seperation (SPD). Also, many women feel that the appearance of their abdomen and breasts is never the same after and struggle with body image/self esteem issues.

As well as side effects, pregnancy is also a risky time for a woman, in the west deaths in pregnancy and childbirth are thankfully low but there's still the risk of pre-eclampsia, placental abruptions, ectopic pregnancies etc.

Babies are lovely, but lets not pretend getting them here is a piece of cake.

jakem_2

I know I have come into this thread on the late side, and seems you have resolved the problem.
But, just my 2 pence worth here lol, If she is not pregnant yet, and like others said it could take time, couldnt she put away a little bit of money away each week/month while she is still working, so when she is on maternity leave she will have the money there to pay the monthly bill till she go back to work.:)

angelicmary85

Person_one wrote: »

Woah...however you much you want a child there is undoubtedly a physical price that women pay for the privilege and men don't. Off the top of my head there's morning sickness, tears, stitches, stretch marks, pelvic floor weakness for years afterwards, backache, loss of mobility near the end, mastitis, gestational diabetes, haemorrhoids, varicose veins, pelvic seperation (SPD). Also, many women feel that the appearance of their abdomen and breasts is never the same after and struggle with body image/self esteem issues.

As well as side effects, pregnancy is also a risky time for a woman, in the west deaths in pregnancy and childbirth are thankfully low but there's still the risk of pre-eclampsia, placental abruptions, ectopic pregnancies etc.

Babies are lovely, but lets not pretend getting them here is a piece of cake.

I totally appreciate that but how is that 'giving up your body'?

It's the 'side effects' that go alongside pregnancy, you aren't giving up your body just to get piles, you're bringing life into the world.

Bodies change with age anyway so 'self esteem' issues may have factored in a women's life regardless of whether they had a baby or not.

Siemo

mikey72 wrote: »

I must admit, I don't get all this "his and hers".
We have a joint bank account, joint credit cards, and just buy what we need. All the wages , any benefits, other income, whatever, just goes into the joint account, if there is too much in it gets transferred into the savings accounts. If there is too little, we transfer from the savings accounts.
If it's a big purchase we let the other know so it'll be covered at the end of the month. All the car tax, insurance etc is from the joint account, household bills are on direct debits, and we haven't got a clue who spends what each month. His and her cars? Dividing up the remainder as someone suggested, what happened to just trusting the other person?

I totally agree with this - I know it's not very PC to say but perhaps it's the difference between being married and not? We got married young and have always shared everything. I work part time now but my contribution to the household is not just financial (neither is DH's of course!!) as I am raising children, cooking, cleaning etc. We agree big purchases together (and a £30+ per month contract is definitely a big purchase in my book) and often have to make compromises as our finances can be tight at times. There's no 'his' and 'hers' money in our house, we're a family and all contribute in different ways.

property.advert

Some serious communication issues to resolve here and most likely some financial ones as they have no idea of just how a baby changes their lives. A poncy shinyi-phone is the last thing they should be worrying about and as it isn't, then maybe their are bigger issues to consider before having a baby.

JimmyTheWig

jakem wrote: »

I know I have come into this thread on the late side, and seems you have resolved the problem.
But, just my 2 pence worth here lol, If she is not pregnant yet, and like others said it could take time, couldnt she put away a little bit of money away each week/month while she is still working, so when she is on maternity leave she will have the money there to pay the monthly bill till she go back to work.:)

So lets say they're both currently working full time, earning £30k each. All bills split equally leaving, say, £200 a month spending money each.
All sounds fair.
Are you suggesting that she should spend less than her £200 a month now because she will be giving up paid employment to have their baby?
I just don't see how that is possibly fair.

For them both to cut back now to have more money when baby arrives (for phone contract or anything else) sounds sensible, but why should she be penalised?