Supporting a pregnant partner

Gordon_Hose

Hi peeps

My girlfriend and I are talking about starting a family, and obviously I'd have to take on most of the household bills when my OH finally goes on maternity leave.

Today, she calls me from work because she wants to get this new fandangled iPhone on a 2 year contract, so I asked if she would be able to afford it when on maternity pay.

To cut a long story short, she got upset as she was expecting me to pay her phone bill, amongst her half of the mortgage, utility bills, council tax etc

Am I being unreasonable in finding it unfair that she can go and get this new phone, and expect me to pick up the bill when she eventually goes on maternity leave?

I believe phones are a luxury, she disagrees.

pollyanna24

Boy, isn't she a lucky lady!

I am a full time working mum and my bf is a stay at home dad.

I pay for his car insurance, petrol, phone, food, and pocket money along with his half of the bills because that is life and he is looking after our daughter! It's what called being a family.

Yes, sometimes I begrudge him for it and wish he would look for a part time job as I take joint care in our daughter, but while she's on maternity leave... give the girl a break!

alleycat`

You obviously have plenty to discuss money wise..

Not that i want to comment on your situation but in my mind a Mobile phone is a luxury item and an iphone is a very expensive (phone wise) luxury item.

Edit:-
As for what polyanna said - i'm in the exact situation she is in (although a full time working dad).

If my wife (who stays at home with my son) needed an iphone i'd let her have it without comment.
I would still consider it a luxury item rather than a necessity. Also you go on to say you think money would be that tight you can't start a family if she takes on this sort of credit line?
I would say that you both need to work out exactly what money you'd have in budget each month and what it should be committed to before mobile phones, sky sports, flash TV's etc.

But that would be jusy my 2 cents.

Gordon_Hose

But, what if, after all the household bills are paid, I have nothing left?

I guess that puts the stoppers on starting a family, I guess.

Tigsteroonie

OP, whilst she is on maternity leave, I presume you will be combining your income and her SMP/MA to pay for all bills. Will you need to cut back on anything to manage? If so, then there is your reason for refusing being hesitant about paying for an iPhone. If finances aren't going to be an issue, then I don't see a problem with her having it (it can effectively be paid from her SMP/MA).

pigpen

Totally unreasonable and sounding like a spoiled child. It sounds like you are feeling spiteful because you want one.. otherwise who cares what phone it is.

She would be on leave to provide you with a child.. she has given up her job, her body and her lifestyle.. and you begrduge her what.. £10 a week???? A lifeline to her friends and family!

If she smoked would you give her money for that?
Is she allowed a night out occasionally?

Surely she will get maternity pay too which will no doubt cover the phone bill anyway.. and it could take more than the 2 years to get a baby!

Soubrette

It sounds like you both need to sit down and decide a budget and what you can afford on a reduced income.

It also seems as if you have different priorities moneywise so it may be a good idea if you both have an amount of budgeted spending money (after the essential bills are paid) and if she chooses to spend hers on phones (even if she has to save up for a few months) then that should be up to her.

Sou

ClareEmily

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, I am now pregnant and I have a loan which I still have 2 years left on it.

I don't expect my hubby to pay for it and have been saving like mad so hopefully he won't have to work his butt off to support me for 6 months plus.

Financially we will struggle with a loss of a wage and if the boot was on the other foot and I had to pay for my hubby's expensive new toy I wouldn't be too impressed.

P.S It may take a while to get pregnant, took us 6 years, this obviously isn't the norm but up to a year is normal.

P.P.S Are you getting married before baby arrives?

Pee

I suggest you do an SOA - you don't need to publish it on here - with your projected income whilst she is on maternity leave. I would suggest that the essentials are covered first and any spare money is divided equally between you for you to decide what you wish to do with it.

If there is no spare money, then no, you can't afford it and it is a luxury item.

I would want a partner to be supportive in more ways than one if I was to have a child with them, and if you don't want to make her happy then I'm not sure now would be a good time for you to start a family.

If you have a child, you may be maintaining her and that child for the next 19 years, longer if you don't just want to do the minimum.

ClareEmily

Actually thinking about it a contract phone shouldn't cost too much a month, the morgage/rent is more of a worry. However she will get some money from the government which will help towards bills.

Gordon_Hose

pigpen wrote: »

Totally unreasonable and sounding like a spoiled child. It sounds like you are feeling spiteful because you want one.. otherwise who cares what phone it is.

She would be on leave to provide you with a child.. she has given up her job, her body and her lifestyle.. and you begrduge her what.. £10 a week???? A lifeline to her friends and family!

If she smoked would you give her money for that?
Is she allowed a night out occasionally?

Surely she will get maternity pay too which will no doubt cover the phone bill anyway.. and it could take more than the 2 years to get a baby!

Easy tiger. I'm not some controlling brute that keeps her under lock and key, feeding her on fried crickets and urine. She's given nothing up for me, nor would I expect her to, she makes her own decisions. She's not even pregnant yet, if you had read my post you'd have clearly seen that I said we were "talking about starting a family"

If she smoked I wouldn't give her money for it, no. You shouldn't smoke when pregnant anyway, it's bad for the baby.

She goes out when she wants to.