Im so sad

Morgan_Ree

Any wrote: »

Well, we will just have to agree to disagree...

I had my nieces for long weekend and if I ever have children I am going back to work within 6 mths myself... will go earlier if they let me!!:rotfl:

Maybe it's my job that's too much hard work??
I'll have to look for something else and my opinion might change?

*Louise*

I think going back to work f/t or increasing p/t hours should be a decision discussed and decided by a couple together.....not one 'messaging' and saying the other is 'required' to earn more money.

Btw OP, I wish you would come back and let us know how you recieved this communication, because if he texted/emailed it to you, I will be shocked and saddened at his attitude towards you.

I am currently a sahm and my OH works f/t and if he ever thought we needed more money and I should go back to work before yougest starts nursery I would expect him to treat me like and adult and with respect by sitting down and discussing things with me.

Any

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

Maybe it's my job that's too much hard work?? ?

Definitely could be...

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

I'll have to look for something else and my opinion might change?

If you find baby sick adorable then you never will change your opinion about this one...

January20

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

Of course the OP should look at all her options and not be forced into doing anything. My original reply wasn't really for the OP anyway. I was just replying to someone who had said something about staying at home is not easy.

I didn't say that staying at home is not easy. I said it's a strange world that we live in when people think that a sahm who's looking after her child is not pulling her weight. I am not surprised actually as I know it's regarded as the easy option, but it means that people think bringing up children is worthless, and it's better to pay a complete stranger to do it!

My mother was a sahm. She brought up 3 children and looked after the house: she was mother, cleaner, cook, fed the animals (chicken and rabbits - for food not pets), used to sew and repair clothes and knit, took care of the household budget, did the shopping, etc. If that is not pulling your weight, what is?

Some women may find it easy. I would end up suicidal within a month. But whatever I think, I believe every woman (and man actually) has the right to choose what is best for her. The OP seems to be railroaded into doing something she is not happy with. We have very little info about her financial situation, and yet some people are quite happy to imply she is being lazy by wanting to stay home and look after her child - eventhough she is already working part-time! I think that is disgraceful.

And just because you work 14 hour shifts, doesn't mean that the rest of us who don't, are not pulling our weight or have an easier life!

JodyBPM

I don't know whether staying at home or working is easier, but I would say that most of the part time workers I know (myself included) find the days they stay at home preferable, even if they have been busy. I think this is something to do with being your own boss, doing things in your time etc. Not to mention that when you are at work, you still have all the housework, cooking, washing etc to do, you just end up doing it in the evening after a day at work, where as when at home its easier to incorporate it into your day!

In any case, that wasn't what the OP was asking for advice on. In my opinion, a woman doesn't necessarily have the "right" to stay at home, just because she'd prefer. It's about doing what is best for the family, not about your own personal preferences. However, given the salary quoted, I think its quite likely that childcare will wipe out earnings if she works full time, unless there are other childcare options available (eg grandparents etc - and they may not want to do full time!). But the two of them should get together, and discuss what works best for the family. I don't feel her husband has any right to demand that she does anything, unless they agree it between them, because it works best for the family.

In all honesty, I'm guessing that perhaps her DH is feeling a bit fed up, because he's now working full time, but doesn't feel that he has much disposable income to show for it. But if he's just finished a degree, its likely his salary will go up rapidy once he has some work experience (depends which field he's in, of course). The two of them probably just need to talk, clear the air, and work out a solution as a family. But they both need to go into it open minded, rather than one taking the stance of "you must..." and the other of "I won't..."

Fang_3

January20 wrote: »

I didn't say that staying at home is not easy. I said it's a strange world that we live in when people think that a sahm who's looking after her child is not pulling her weight. I am not surprised actually as I know it's regarded as the easy option, but it means that people think bringing up children is worthless, and it's better to pay a complete stranger to do it!

My mother was a sahm. She brought up 3 children and looked after the house: she was mother, cleaner, cook, fed the animals (chicken and rabbits - for food not pets), used to sew and repair clothes and knit, took care of the household budget, did the shopping, etc. If that is not pulling your weight, what is?

Some women may find it easy. I would end up suicidal within a month. But whatever I think, I believe every woman (and man actually) has the right to choose what is best for her. The OP seems to be railroaded into doing something she is not happy with. We have very little info about her financial situation, and yet some people are quite happy to imply she is being lazy by wanting to stay home and look after her child - eventhough she is already working part-time! I think that is disgraceful.

And just because you work 14 hour shifts, doesn't mean that the rest of us who don't, are not pulling our weight or have an easier life!

But equally people are suggesting that is the family needs more money that the OH should give up his few 'luxuries' and the OP can stay at home with one baby.

I think it's important that they talk, but I get the impression that the OP's relationship has always been about her, and now her OH is sick of pulling up her slack so she can stay at home. It sounds to me like the OP wants to have an equal relationship, but is not willing to give up the benefits to having an unequal relationship.

The fact is, if he walked out, all she would be entitled to is 15% of his income. Then she'd have to work, or go on benefits.

dobs

I'm a sahm and think if you can afford to then it's great, however it's just not possible for everyone. Op someone mentioned you have a joint income of £26,000 they worked out i think i saw? Can you not both sit down and go through your accounts, bills etc and see if you can cut back? Hubby earns £29,000 and we manage quite well, we worked out if i went to work just to keep the 2 eldest in afterschool club for one hour would be £18 let alone nursey and there's no way i'd earn that! Also, if you do decide you do need to go to work, how about an evening job at a supermarket, then hubby could look after little one while you do that? Hope you can sort it out x

llh189

I understand the Op has a desire to stay at home with her child but really in this day and age for most it just isn't possible.

The comments that the OP shouldn't be forced to get a full time job and should have the choice to stay at home regardless of their financial situation is ridiculous!

Have any of us considered the the dad might want to be a sahd and not want to carry the financial burden of raising a family pretty much on his own - if he had posted a similar story to this we'd all be up in arms!

Also staying that having a first and then only earning 20k means that he is underachieving is nonsense when we don't know where they live or when he graduated of what subject he took. maybe he graduated last week, got a first in farming and lives in London - christ give the give a break.

I understand the OP's desire but maybe sharing the financial burden of family life, bringing up your son together, having quality time after work and at weekends as a family, being able to do stuff as a family and have a few nice things in life - is actually what being in a partnership is about, I personally think the OP needs to look again at their situation and be more realistic about how much family life costs. Maybe count yourself lucky that for 16 months you either haven't worked or done so part time which has given your son a really good start in life but now it is time as a family to move forward.

dobs

Trouble is we don't really know the financial situation or many details really, maybe the OP will post again to let us have an update. Personally i'd like a part time job as i have been a sahm for quite a while, with hubbys job at the mo it isn't possible, he did apply for promotion, meaning he'd have evenings off and i could have tried for evening work but was unsuccessful.

Blackpool_Saver

Some people, both men and women go to work to get away from their kids, and some are so selfish they go to the pub on the way home too, then they wonder why they get an ear full when they come in..........