Im so sad

Bufger

Tell him he should go looking for a better job as you already have 2 jobs - 3 days a week part time at work, the other 4 days a week looking after your son and you do evenings looking after him too.

He got a 1st class degree (thats some accomplishment) - i got a 2.2 and i started on £29k per year. I think he needs to look around and find another job so you can continue with your full time commitments ;-)

And the internet is useful, sky TV is just a complete waste. Has he looked at freeview/freesat? one off payment for an extra 40 channels.

btw im a man in a very similar situation if that helps. Mortgage, saving for wedding next year, son on the way this november and my OH will be giving up work to look after our child. We've had to budget alot - she is in charge of saving money and im in charge of bringing it in, this way it makes it more fun and a challenge

Any

Bufger wrote: »

Tell him he should go looking for a better job as you already have 2 jobs - 3 days a week part time at work, the other 4 days a week looking after your son and you do evenings looking after him too.

I have to say I agree with this.

Bringing up a child is a hard job. You do some work. Yes, 16 mth old baby is not little child, but you already are pulling in £500 a month. I don't know how about in your area, but in our area child care is very expensive.

If you think that earning £12.5k pa with paying full time childcare is going to solve your problem then I think you need to do your maths again. Unless you don't have to pay any transport costs to get to and from work - have you accounted for that?? Many people don't realise the full impact of working full time.

When my sister returned to work after 2 years at home with her first child she earned £14k and the difference between her bringing in wage and staying at home was about £100 net a month.

OR is there really more then meets the eye? Your OH does seem either like materialistic control freak or trapped bloke trying to compare himself to his batchelor friends who have better lifestyle due to not having children.

You need to find out and/or tell us more.

retireby50

I don't normally post in this part of the forum, but couldn't leave this without commenting.

Dear OP as others have stated/hinted at there appears to be something quite fundamental going on here. I notice that you didn't mention how you feel about your husband.

Marriage is a partnership, it takes 2 to make a baby and bringing up a child is the most important thing.

You say you got a "message" from your husband and that you are now "required" to return to earn more. Is he your husband or your employer? As it seems more like the latter perhaps you should suggest that he pays you a salary for the 2 days you are looking after your son?

Depending just how strong you feel and what the situation actually is you might also point out how much worse off he would be after CSA payments and paying rental on another place!!?

"Everything is going to go up with the tax rise" - not food, gas, elec or children's clothes. Also given your current salaries you will do (relatively) quite well out of the increase in the personal tax allowance. I suspect he is concerned about the impact of the increase in VAT on the the cost of his lifestyle.

You say you "don't have much of a life" - presumably your OH makes quite good use of Sky? If not he should ditch it and save the money, if he does watch it a lot then he should spend more time with you and your son and then ditch it!

It is difficult to comment on whether £20k and your £500 per month should be enough given we don't know what part of the country you live nor how much your mortgage is.

Your OH is clearly intelligent, but seems to lack common sense, humility and seems very inconsiderate. Perhaps if he added some softer skills to his first class degree he might advance more quickly in his career and take this (unreasonable) pressure off you.

I hope you manage to sort this situation out.

Best wishes.

Pee

Your OH got a first class degree and is earning £20k a year? I think the problem is that he knows he is underacheiving and the stress of being the main breadwinner is getting to him. I have been in this situation and it got to me.

I don't think that you working fulltime on that salary will make sense until your LO starts school unless you have free childcare available from family members.

You need to sit down and discuss this properly and look at the various options, tactfully refraining from saying that his salary is on the low side.

Then decide what you want and what you can cut back on. Money isn't what your LO needs, your time is much more valuable. Your OH deserves some treats too.

brians_daughter

If you had to or wished to contribute more money to the household there are many ways to do it. Things that spring to mid are work from home opportunities - there are many out there that you can fit around your family - Such things as people per hour, arise and the likes.
Maybe an ebay shop? I have an ebay shop, i spend around 12 hours a week on it including posting things, packing, listing and buying stock and after tax and expenses I am clearing around £750 pcm. What about some weekend work or evening work then your oh can look after the child. Or maybe youc an look into pt college courses and stay working pt with the intention of using your newly gained qualifications to up your earning capacity?

TBH the way you have worded it makes him sound lke your employer, i am sure he isnt really that way, but somthing to think about in future.

Do you think you need to up your income? Can you budget better? or do you think he is in some way trying to pressue you going back ft with no good reason?

If he has recently started a ft position he may be being swayed by his co-workers lifestyles etc? If he has just started, and with a 1st degree i expect that there is some career development plan that has been implemented for him? So maybe he is mixing with some ppl who are earning a lot more than him and he is seeing their superior cars, nice holidays etc he is yearning for this lifestyle too? Or maybe he is havinga really bad day and he doesnt mean what he has said? TBh 20k isnt a great starting salary in any skilled role, certinally not for a graduate with a 1st. Maybe he is just angry that all his studying has turned out with him owing £1000's in student loans and a job that doesnt pay great? All just ideas that you may wish to explore

Person_one

Pee wrote: »

Your OH got a first class degree and is earning £20k a year? I think the problem is that he knows he is underacheiving and the stress of being the main breadwinner is getting to him. I have been in this situation and it got to me.

I don't think that you working fulltime on that salary will make sense until your LO starts school unless you have free childcare available from family members.

You need to sit down and discuss this properly and look at the various options, tactfully refraining from saying that his salary is on the low side.

Then decide what you want and what you can cut back on. Money isn't what your LO needs, your time is much more valuable. Your OH deserves some treats too.

To be fair, a 1st isn't a golden ticket or magic beans. It can still be hard to get any job after graduating and depending on where they are and what subject the degree is in 20K is probably not far off average for a first job.

Morgan_Ree

January20 wrote: »

What kind of world do we live in when some people think that staying at home bringing up a baby is NOT pulling you weight and imply that it's a cushy job?

When the OP works full time, will her partner be willing to sacrifices some of his time off work to look equally after the child and do half of the household chores or will she have to do that to, to pull her weight?!!

What kind of world do we live in when some people think staying at home bringing up a baby IS pulling their weight!

It's not exactly work is it.

Person_one

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

What kind of world do we live in when some people think staying at home bringing up a baby IS pulling their weight!

It's not exactly work is it.

You couldn't pay me enough to do it. Way too much like hard work. No days off or lunch breaks either.

Morgan_Ree

Person_one wrote: »

You couldn't pay me enough to do it. Way too much like hard work. No days off or lunch breaks either.

Who needs days off when you're at home all day anyway???
As for not getting a lunchbreak. It's not hard just to nip into the kitchen to make something.

I'm guessing those who complain about being 'soooooo tired after running around after little Jack all day' (sorry I'm just using an example) have never experienced a hard days work in their life.

Give me DS to look after over a 14 hour shift running around like a blue arsed fly, ANY day.

Any

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

What kind of world do we live in when some people think staying at home bringing up a baby IS pulling their weight!

It's not exactly work is it.

Well the thing is that some people don't just lock them in the cellar and let them out just for a wee wee.