Im so sad

suseb_99

Hi,
You spoke about possibly retraining but wanting to stay in admin...
Maybe you could look into some courses via the open university, Human resources or office management, which would help you to find a better paid job in the future but also allow you to stay at home with your son at the moment.
This is what I am hoping to do!
You said that your DH has recently graduated, so were you helping him financially before your son came along???
If so then now it's his turn for a while!

mikey72

What job does he do, and how secure is it?
Cutting down expenditure, such as sky seems sensible, the internet has saved me a lot more than it has cost though. You could argue about the chores, but it won't affect the amount of money coming in.
Try to find time to get out with him, it can't be good for you if you "don't have much of a life", so maybe he'd just like to be able to take you somewhere occasionally.

January20

So basically between the 2 of you, you bring in about 26K per annum? Is that about correct? And you can't make ends meet? Or is it that you OH wants to spend more money on entertainment? How old are you both?

I think the first port of call would be to get your bank statements and see what you have coming out (and coming in) and when. Do you know where your money is going? You could pop on the Debt Free Wannabe board and ask the guys there to give you some advice. It will mean posting your outgoings but it's well worth it.

Children are not children for long. Before you know they are all grown up and have flown the nest. Do not make a rash decision that you may regret.

I'm also concerned by the tone of your post that you OH expects you do dig him out of a financial hole. It seems he is putting the responsibility of sorting the problem out on you. You should be talking and working out a way forward together. Not one of you telling the other what to do. Does your OH also realise that it's difficult to find a well paid job at the moment?

And as your OH has all these plans for you to move jobs regularly, review your salary, re-train, what are his plans for his own career? Is he going to do the same?

mookiandco

I didnt have a baby to 'hand her back either'. I knew what our financial situation was before I had her, I knew what we could reasonably afford and I knew I would have to go back to work sooner rather than later. I went into labour on the day my maternity leave started. I went back to work when she was 4 months old. My husband didnt 'require' me to but our finances did. Perhaps that is the way you ought to look at it rather than putting the blame on him. Its your son together, your finances together and your life together.

Our childcare costs £600 per month, we get childcare vouchers which help, we get the child benefit and we get minimal child tax credit. I work from home one day a week. Most employers these days are happy for their employees to do this. Perhaps its an option? I dont actually work on that day but I get the work done at the weekend when baby is in bed so we can have a lovely day together.

The likelihood is that when the next one comes along I can take the full year off and both my new baby and this one will benefit. I feel no guilt at working. I want to be able to have those 'treats', for myself, for my hubby and for my daughter. We work hard and we deserve them. My daughter gets to play all day at her childminders who she adores and she is the happiest, most outgoing child you could meet. I cant pretend that I havent on occasion felt a pang of jealousy for my friends who have had the full year off but now they are all returning to work and really struggling with it, as you are.

If you blame your hubby, it will eat away at you and probably be trawled out at every argument. You need to realise that this is whats best for all of you right now so you can keep afloat. You just need to come to terms with it. Your little boy wont love you any less and you'll still be a great mum to him and the centre of his universe. I wish you the best of luck xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He does know that the cost of a full time nursery place is around £8000 a year, doesn't he? Because if he were demanding that you leave your baby with someone else for the grand sum of £76 a week before tax/travel/work clothing/trips out/Christmas childcare/packed lunches/nursery trips/etc, he would be a Very Stupid Person.

Blackpool_Saver

probably jealous he has to work full time now and you are home 2 days, I'll bet he was home lot's more as a student ...

Fang_3

diamondgirl007 wrote: »

I just need to vent really, but I didn't think the vent thread was the right place.

Last Tuesday I got a message from my DH saying he wasn't happy because we have no money. We have a mortgage, he's just gotten a first class degree, and is on 20k a year at mo. I work part time 3 days a week bringing in £500 per month approx. and the other two days I look after our son who is 16 months.

Cutting a long story short, and looking into possible options for me in jobs, I am now required to return to work full time, or part time on a VERY good wage. What I was earning full time at my current job (12.5k) would be ideal, but I'm not stupid and I can't see that happening.

I just can't get my head around having to leave our son. I hate myself for it. I feel like Ive had a baby to hand him over. I feel VERY bad.

I understand we don't have much of a life, who does in this day and age, but DH keeps saying that we can't afford anything, that everything is going to go up what with the tax rise. What annoys me is that he wants to keep sky TV and the internet etc, which in my eyes are luxuries, because they're the only 'treats' we have, meanwhile in my eyes my son is put second. He will only be little once.

He also says (DH) that I will need to continuosly review my wage and move jobs as required, or re-train. I have thought long and hard about re-training and I am willing to do courses, but I think my preferred would be more admin.

I am now going to speak to my current boss and explain, and then get looking. I hope I will find something part time with a better wage. Can only but hope.

My family and friends think I am mad for backing down to him. They think he will forever make demands on me, but at the same time I know we need the extra cash.

Sorry people, I needed to get it off my chest, I feel slightly better!

So, if I'm clear, you work three days a week, and bring in just £500 a month, your OH works five days a week and brings in much more, you don't have enough money to enjoy life, and so your OH would like you to pull your weight, but you won't because you want to spend more time with your 16 month old child?

Why do I get the feeling that there's so much more to this story than meets the eye. Why do I get the feeling that this baby wasn't planned and that perhaps your OH feels trapped? Why do I get the feeling that you resent your OH for bettering himself, and for him wanting you to better yourself too?

spirit

diamondgirl. One possible way to have the best of both worlds is to get yourself registered as a childminder and take in other people's children.

That way you get to stay home every day, the pay can be quite lucrative since you can offset an awful lot against tax. I did it for a few years when my 2 were small. It's not for everyone but if you genuinely like kids it can work well.

donquine

diamondgirl007 wrote: »

What annoys me is that he wants to keep sky TV and the internet etc, which in my eyes are luxuries, because they're the only 'treats' we have, meanwhile in my eyes my son is put second. He will only be little once.

Maybe he would like to be able to just buy things for your son on impulse without worrying whether you could pay the mortgage that month. Do you really think he wants more money so he can buy rubbish for himself or so he can spoil his son?

diamondgirl007 wrote: »

They think he will forever make demands on me, but at the same time I know we need the extra cash.

If you know you need more cash as a family, the principle of you earning more money isn't so unreasonable is it? Your OH has a first class degree - he's trying to achieve his full earning potential - and he wants you to do the same. Whether or not it happens is probably not as important as him feeling you both have the same aspirations in life. Do you?

Could you study at home now (e.g. OU) to improve your prospects and earning potential with a view to a full time job once your son was at nursery? I get the impression your OH is looking at the big picture, not just the short term situation.

January20

What kind of world do we live in when some people think that staying at home bringing up a baby is NOT pulling you weight and imply that it's a cushy job?

When the OP works full time, will her partner be willing to sacrifices some of his time off work to look equally after the child and do half of the household chores or will she have to do that to, to pull her weight?!!