I was wrong, how do I make it up? He didnt Lie!

jcr16

i think perhaps next time he calls or text you don't bring the subject up. it won't work havin an arguement down the phone. you need to talk face to face. forget bt. you need to decided if you can trust him and believe him and want to work it out. or keep refreshing techonolgy ( which can be wrong and doesn't have feelings like you or hubby does) and throw the marriage away.

Yes i would be fuming if hubby had lied to me, and once a liar generally always a liar. But if you want to work things out you have to learn to trust him and move on. don't go looking for thing's. a marriage is about working things out. every couple has ups and downs at times. but it is the working through them together that brings you out stronger.

it won't be easy the next few hours etc until he does come home. but in his shoes, why would he want to come home to his wife who clearly doesn't trust him and is pinning everything on bt. I'm so sorry if i sound harsh hun, and i do understand you needs hugs at the mo. but you also need to be calm and collected and try to work through the lack of trust.

Littlemadam83

Thanks guys, and am so so sorry to you lot too.

I have just called him and left a vm saying I understand how he hates me and that I tried the phone and he was right.

I hate myself right now really hate myself. I think I have done irrepairable damage to our relationship and he is never going to forgive me.

After our phone convo, I did doubt myself, really did. Tried to "pay" some of the balance and knowing his details fake paid but where they wanted the amount did loads of zeros to counter act the bank account numbers I wont be putting in. It must be there are so many digits pressed the phone reverts back to the number dialled previolus to that.

Oh what have I done stupid idiot

emsywoo123

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Thanks guys, and am so so sorry to you lot too.

You do not need to apologise to us!!

I have just called him and left a vm saying I understand how he hates me and that I tried the phone and he was right.

Stop with the voicemails!

I hate myself right now really hate myself. I think I have done irrepairable damage to our relationship and he is never going to forgive me.

You forgave him for lying earlier in the relationship? He might not forgive you, or he will, but neither of you (nor anyone) is perfect

After our phone convo, I did doubt myself, really did. Tried to "pay" some of the balance and knowing his details fake paid but where they wanted the amount did loads of zeros to counter act the bank account numbers I wont be putting in. It must be there are so many digits pressed the phone reverts back to the number dialled previolus to that.

Oh what have I done stupid idiot

It's done. Decide now what you want to happen as a result of this.........

Littlemadam83

What shall I do? I am in floods of tears now, I think I need to give him space as I have really overstepped the mark (is that the right description?)

Or should I keep trying and apologise more?

I think I need to leave him to decide if he wants this or not. I personally dont think he does. I feel so bad. I could write him an email? He has his blackberry.

I am such a stupid cow, I really am

Littlemadam83

JCR - your message wasnt harsh, just true, and you are/were right xxxx

Emsy - thank you you are really sweet. I want forgiveness, and I want a hug. I love him so much and I cant believe I let my feelings get in the way of things.

I will quit with the vms and hope he comes round xxx

Turtle

I'd leave it for now. Best to give him a bit of space and talk face to face when he comes home. Which he will. Take care.

*max*

I agree with grey-lady, OP.

It seems you are focusing on the BT thing to prove you are right, and assuming your OH actually told the truth I can understand why he is so angry...He'll see it as nit picking, and that can be incredibly irritating. If he lied, well, that's another story, but for now you should try and focus on the whole picture.

You should stop checking BT. What is it going to achieve, at the end of the day?
Option 1: it proves he lied. Now you have to have a serious talk about what you want to happen, and ask yourself wether you can be with someone you don't trust.

Option 2: it proves he told the truth. Now you have to have a serious talk about what you want to happen, and ask yourself wether you can be with someone you don't trust.

See where I'm going there? I hope it all works out OP, sincerely. But in any case you will have to address the trust issue.

EDIT: sorry, I had to answer the phone in the middle of writing and did not see your latest post OP.

kizzykizzywizzy

Glad you are wrong, but tbh after him lying to you before, you are bound to mistrust him & so he should understand.
Maybe now he will see how badly lying can affect a relationship
Hope you have a nice time making up

Angel1978_2

First of all, calm down hun. You've made a mistake, you're only human. No more messages, I think he gets the message now how sorry you are. Give him some space and have a think about what you're going to say when he comes back. Your trust issues need to be addressed. So have a long hard think about what you're going to say when he returns home. And he will.

Just be careful that any apology isn't met with a 'but'. Take responsibility for your actions. He will ask eventually why you would think that of him and then the conversation should naturally lead into a conversation about trust.

Many things can be forgiven in serious relationships. And who knows? This long awaited conversation may be the beginning of you both. It's time for honesty between the two of you. Lay all of your cards on the table. Good luck.

And hugs.

llh189

Ummmm, sorry but this whole situation seems to have been completely and utterly blown out of proportion.

He was meant to pay he CC, you've nagged him a bit, he forgot and then because you've nagged him, he has maybe fibbed!

Now you're talking about leaving him, people are commenting on him being an out and out liar and bordering on being abusive - really!!!!!!!

Sorry to burst your bubble but we all lie - anyone who says they don't is well a liar.

Fron telling your kids there is a tooth fairy, to confirming to your boss you've done that really important e-mail when it has slipped your mind, getting a colleague to say you are at lunch to avoid a call, or pretending you have a headache when your OH wants to get a bit frisky - they are all fibs.

The important thing is the intention of the lie, the scale of it and whether you meant to hurt someone.

It seems to me that he forgot and now you have blown it in to a really big deal, potentially demanding to see his back statements and checking his phone calls. Threatening to never buy a house as he is obviously utterly useless, a liar and can't be trusted! No wonder he is a bit miffed with you and digging his heals in.

I would graciously backdown, make a joke out of the fact he is a bit dotty for forgetting!

I doubt very much that you never fib, if you don't you are a rarity. But I am sorry you have over reacted and he probably has a right to be mad with you.

BTW - most men watch and the fib about !!!!!!!