I was wrong, how do I make it up? He didnt Lie!

duchy

It's all about communication-Just the right kind so no texting or emails to him and DON'T tell him about this thread-He'd be mortified.

As for the joint account idea-it's not such a bad one in general for couples-not instead of your own accounts but in addition-a household bills account that you both contribute to-with your "own" money staying in individual accounts.

Cheer up all married couples have at least one major row within the first few months of getting wed-You've at least got yours over and done with now-and hopefully both you and he will have learned things from it and in the long run will benefit

Blackpool_Saver

Aha, sorry, had pregnant wife in mind from someone else, however the rest I still stand by (as I won't be sitting on you favourite couches) but seriously, it's so immature of him to keep this behaviour up like he is.

It's not Gretna, is it?

Littlemadam83

the_cat wrote: »

I think you might have misunderstood me! I simply mean that you need to work on not reading more problems/bigger issues into a 'little lie' he gives you.

I agree with you. Hate liars/don't lie myself. Can't see the point. But from what you said he does and you have accepted that.
In light of that post though I have to wonder how/why you decided to move on from the 'big lie situation' with him from before

OH I SEE! And agreed I need to stop making a mountain out of a molehill, I suppose I just need to chill.

It was so hard to move on from the lie that escalated into the hugest thing ever, and i suppose this is the repercussions of the past coming back to haunt me. I know some women would have just ditched the person straight away but I do love him so much, and wanted to stay with him.

Duchy - good idea using a "pot" for bills etc etc. I have worked out down to the penny how much I spend on that kind of thing per month, so think it would work. And we can enjoy our rewards how we want. I know that's selfish, but sometimes you work so hard, its nice to have a minor indulgence (I am not talking big here!)

I appreciate your view on newlywed unbliss, it's reassuring to know we arent the only ones that argue when we should be on our honeymoon period. Being honest, I am feeling a bit low due to it all being over, and being under pressure for that long to now have an empty void, it is just demotivating.

And yes, have still managed to refrain from contact! Just fingers crossed he will want to talk tonight, but wont push him xxx

mikey72

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

TOTALLY 100% wrong I am afraid. I never lie to my partner (well only if I have planned suprise), this is the thing, i feel guilty if for instance I have bought an expensive lunch, I fess up straight away. I really do not see the point in lying at all, and abhor liars! This is the reason I pick up on lies, not because I do the same!

I lost my best friend because of her little white lies I could no longer take. Life is interesting enough without the need for exagerations and lies

It was ok until this bit tbh.
So you do lie if you can justify it to yourself.
Other people do, just for different reasons to you, but equally good to them.
There is also a bit of too much truth in relationships as well.
If you have your own bank account, and your own money, if you need to keep control of it, don't then feel you have a need to tell your husband if you then spend it on expensive lunches.
Especially if you think you can then mange his finances for him, and check the phone bill to prove he hasn't paid on time, then access his credit card account to prove it to him.
Either you're both seperate, or you're not.
(you should change the thread title as well)

Littlemadam83

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Aha, sorry, had pregnant wife in mind from someone else, however the rest I still stand by (as I won't be sitting on you favourite couches) but seriously, it's so immature of him to keep this behaviour up like he is.

It's not Gretna, is it?

Agreed, what the hell does sulking achieve?!?!!? I am sure nothing of any worth has ever come out of sulking. I cant see that NASA sat there and sulked as a way to progress in space travel etc. It is so pathetic, but hey i rather that than him decide he doesnt want to be with me anymore.

What is not Gretna? We got married there and it was amazing xxx

Littlemadam83

mikey72 wrote: »

It was ok until this bit tbh.

So you do lie if you can justify it to yourself. So is he not allowed suprises? Nothing justifies lying unless it is for a present or a gift, this wont hurt him, but I cant think of any other "lies" that would not hurt the person in the long run

Other people do, just for different reasons to you, but equally good to them.
There is also a bit of too much truth in relationships as well.

If you have your own bank account, and your own money, if you need to keep control of it, don't then feel you have a need to tell your husband if you then spend it on expensive lunches. But we are saving for a mortgage, so I rather be transparent, rather than him find out. We are only talking about a Subway here, but its still more expensive than a packed lunch as such


Especially if you think you can then mange his finances for him, and check the phone bill to prove he hasn't paid on time, then access his credit card account to prove it to him.
Either you're both seperate, or you're not.

Me wanting to control his finances was not the issue. I made it up in my head that he had lied as it seemed out of character, yes it was on the cusp of being late, I would have been a bit upset if it was late, as the mortgage factor would be a problem, I never nagged him about it, just mentioned it in passing a week before about how we need to sort ourselves out to get a mortgage (I even posted the gory details in the MSE forum asking advice on being accepted)

(you should change the thread title as well)

Hope I havent come across rude, am just explaining the way i see it in relation to your comments x

pelirocco

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Agreed, what the hell does sulking achieve?!?!!? I am sure nothing of any worth has ever come out of sulking. I cant see that NASA sat there and sulked as a way to progress in space travel etc. It is so pathetic, but hey i rather that than him decide he doesnt want to be with me anymore.

What is not Gretna? We got married there and it was amazing xxx

So he is sulking and you are going on and on and on and on , are you like this with everything ?

Clive_Woody

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Yep the gool old cave - how mature is that?!?!!

To be fair starting a thread on an internet message board accusing your OH of lying before all the facts are clear is not exactly the most mature response either.

Give him time and space, then a steak and a BJ should sort things out nicely, then you can try and talk to each other more (face to face, not by txt, email or by checking up behind each other's backs).

Littlemadam83

pelirocco wrote: »

So he is sulking and you are going on and on and on and on , are you like this with everything ?

I havent gone on and on (apart from on here, which has helped me get it out of my system)!!! It was mentioned once in passing a week ago, and he brought it up yesterday. I have apologised to him and not gone into it all as he does not want to talk!!!

Littlemadam83

Clive_Woody wrote: »

To be fair starting a thread on an internet message board accusing your OH of lying before all the facts are clear is not exactly the most mature response either.

Give him time and space, then a steak and a BJ should sort things out nicely, then you can try and talk to each other more (face to face, not by txt, email or by checking up behind each other's backs).

Steak is a good idea

Agreed I went over the top, and blew it out of proportion, and its no excuse but the fact (which turned out to be wrong) was glaring me in the face. Which is not excusable.